3rd Ceremony, THE Ceremony.
Date: 18th Oct.
Location: Planet Earth
Traditional Peruvian ceremony in complete darkness.
35 year old male

This ceremony was something special. The two previous ones was good, short but uneventful in comparison to the Finale.
First let me tell about a Slovakian girl coming to Drink aya for the first time. lets call her Lida. In the first two ceremonies she panicked, was completely out of it. Had to be held down by force, and spent most of the ceremony in the hallway being held hard. She said she was in hell second day.
I felt a deep compassion for her. Not in the romantic sense, but deep compassion for her suffering. I told her I didn't think it was a good idea for her to drink again. But she decided to drink again, saying it could not get any worse. But it did, much worse;

The brew that was served the last ceremony was different than the other two. It was thicker, and turned out to be much much stronger. It took effect on me within 15-20 minutes, which is unusual for me. Lida already started to act out and was taken to the hallway. The Ayahuasca came on strong, very strong. But still there was a voice in me saying I should drink more. So when the second offering came, I went for it, but I purged it out immediately. And felt bad for wasting the sacred medicine. But the Ayahuasca kept building up strong, and something in my head kept telling me to drink more. I identified it as madre Ayahuasca. But when I got up to go and ask for it, I Purged before managing to get up. Such lovely lovely purge, Felt really good.

Then the dark energy came, and it came from Lida out in the hallway. You could hear she was thrown from wall to wall in there, screams and shouting while she was attacking the people trying to hold her down. Part of me wanted to go out and hold her strong, and give her care. But it wasn't my ceremony, and when I played out the scenario in my head, It would end with conflict with the curandero and his crew. I had to trust them running the ceremony. I was so deeply deeply concerned for her, it sounded like she was killing herself out there. And the dark energy was strong, very strong.
I realized that I had to be strong, I really had to stay strong. If im gonna keep holding ceremonies I need to be able to hold this kind of space, and fight the dark forces. I found that strength, I had no idea, no idea.

For the longest time I was able to raise a protective field around the ceremony room, blocking out the dark forces. At the same time sending some positive energy to her. And having one foot in the ceremony. And I held that mode for very long, it seemed like forever. The curandero and his assistant kept singing icaros to block out the noise from the hallway, but the dark energy coming from there was strong, very strong. I also felt a sort of dark energy from the curandero, and lack of concern for Lida. And the ayahuasca was just getting stronger by the hour, so strong so strong. But I was stronger. Despite the fact that the worst case scenarios was playing out in my head. I honestly wasn't sure if she was going to survive. She was like demonic possessed. I even mentally prepared myself for her passing, realized it would be though. But also that she was going to be in a good place. And that this was part of the game.

They later told me this was the worst case they'd ever seen. She was the exception.

Then Lida was guided back into the ceremony room, and when I saw she was “relatively” ok, Still breathing. I DISSOLVED, I could finally let my self go. I started vibrating of love and pure joy. I was physically shaking, and the vibration that build up from my lower body was almost too intense. I have had ecstatic experience before, but this, this was something completely different. It was physically intense. It was like Ayahuasca was eating me with love crystals. I had no idea such extacy was even possible. But it was my energy, MY energy!

The woman next to me is a Tantric teacher, and a really really good one as well. She could feel see and hear what was going on, I was barely able to speak and just uttered love, loooooooooooove lovelovelovelovelove.
She positioned me up straight, helped me releasing my sexual energies throughout all chakras. Massaged me lightly and and used a jasmin oil to help me. It was indescribable, just indescribable. Human language doesn't do it justice, but I will try; The energy started building up from the the lower body. Trough my chakras and up trough my entire body. It was soooo intense, almost more than I could handle. It was like I was being eaten up alive by pure ecstasy. I felt in consuming my entire being. It was not even close to any of my previous body orgasms with Ayahuasca. It was devine, it was religious it was my essence and pure energy. And extremely erotic in a non sexual way. THIS IS WHY WE SHOULD NOT HAVE SEX BEFORE AYA!

AND still I had this strong sense I should have drank more, that there was more. It was so intense that I was almost afraid for the ecstasy to consume me, and almost put on the breaks. More Aya would have taken me to the other side. But I wasn't capable of drinking more.

Some time later I was encouraged to sing. I NEVER SING. But I did, I started building up this deep bass in my voice. Building and building, and then an overwhelming sense of love took me over. And I was just sining Loooooooooove, looooooooooooove, looooooooove with deep deep voice vibrating of love. My heart chakra bursted open, wide open. I sang, I cant believe I sang. So grateful so grateful. And I have made friends for life.

The lessen for me was that I am strong enough to hold space in a ceremony. This is my calling! But I need to introduce live music. Song, drums etc to hold space and protect against negative forces.

But it was also a strong reminded that this is no joke. This is serious medicine not to be taken lightly. And that things can and does go wrong some times, and we need to be ready to handle that.

And a good and really deep Ayahuasca ceremony should be held in complete darkness. And preferably sitting up, NOT lying down.

I am eternally grateful for this healing experience. I found a strength I didn't know I had, I have found my tantric sexual energy that I need to keep working on now AND I opened and healed my throat chakra.
I keep saying its gonna be hard to top this one, but it keeps happening.

wow, just wow!

how did you do it? how were you able to hold space? any tips?

i had a very dark session were the shaman intended to send dark forces at us... we were helpless prey :/

To be honest I am not sure. I have drank quite few times now, and whenever it start getting dark it seems like my mind is able to control it. If I'm alone I can typically force it over to love and joy fairly quick. Unless it something I know I need to work trough.
In this case I visualized a force field to keep the dark forces out, and kept reminding myself that this is part of the game. But it must have taken allot of strength, because when she came in and I saw she was OK; The release and relief is like nothing I have experienced. I went from holding strong to complete release, my god what a release. I’m still trying to come to terms with it

hmmm ,i guess we are all born with more abilities than we are aware of. intention seems to be an important factor.

during my morning meditation your experience came to my mind: without her dark experience, you would not have had the opportunity to stand your ground, you definitly got blessed.

I think you are right. Part of the intention I had set for this retreat was to challange myself if the path I have started is really the right one for me. If i have it in me, if what I am getting into is really for me.

I feel I got my answer, but also that i need to step carefully and respect the medicine.

Thank you for sharing.
I'm just curious how this girl Lida was after the ceremony. Like the next day. Did she get healing out of this suffering she went through? Did you talk to her afterwards? You have any idea what she was dealing with?

Sounded really intense and I've had a very intense experience that took me years to get over, with a lot of work.