DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 202 Joined: 16-Dec-2011 Last visit: 28-Jun-2017 Location: Costa Blanca, Spain
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Orion wrote:Shortest one I know:
Venison's deer isn't it ?
And mutton is cheap !!! (Still not funny!) Life is a shit sandwich - the more bread you got, the less shit you eat.
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 1760 Joined: 28-May-2009 Last visit: 10-Oct-2024
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A man runs into a psychiatric hospital completely naked and wrapped in cling-film. A doctor runs up to him saying "I don't know what's bothering you, but I can clearly see your nuts!" 
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Boundary condition
 
Posts: 8617 Joined: 30-Aug-2008 Last visit: 07-Nov-2024 Location: square root of minus one
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The annoying thing about this thread is that all my best one-liners are spontaneous and I never write them down. Goddamn cannabis... “There is a way of manipulating matter and energy so as to produce what modern scientists call 'a field of force'. The field acts on the observer and puts him in a privileged position vis-à-vis the universe. From this position he has access to the realities which are ordinarily hidden from us by time and space, matter and energy. This is what we call the Great Work." ― Jacques Bergier, quoting Fulcanelli
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 184 Joined: 08-Aug-2015 Last visit: 02-Sep-2024
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Point to your head and say the last two letters of the abbreviation for Dimethyltryptamine.  “You, of all people, deserve your own love and affection.” -Buddha
For God so loved the world...
God is Love
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Boundary condition
Posts: 8617 Joined: 30-Aug-2008 Last visit: 07-Nov-2024 Location: square root of minus one
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http://nogrowingofbrain.ytmnd.com/(sorry  ) “There is a way of manipulating matter and energy so as to produce what modern scientists call 'a field of force'. The field acts on the observer and puts him in a privileged position vis-à-vis the universe. From this position he has access to the realities which are ordinarily hidden from us by time and space, matter and energy. This is what we call the Great Work." ― Jacques Bergier, quoting Fulcanelli
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 1055 Joined: 21-Nov-2011 Last visit: 15-Oct-2021
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1. What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?... 2. I like my coffee like my women: without a penis. Every day I am thankful that I was introduced to psychedelic drugs.
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 384 Joined: 29-Jul-2011 Last visit: 10-Jan-2022
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One liner? I hardly know 'er!
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 163 Joined: 01-Jan-2009 Last visit: 18-Oct-2015 Location: Electric Ladyland
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What d'ya call a fly with no wings? .....A walk. what d'ya call a donky with only three legs? ......A wonky I'm the one that's got to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to.
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 163 Joined: 01-Jan-2009 Last visit: 18-Oct-2015 Location: Electric Ladyland
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So did you hear about the constipated mathematician?......He tried to work it out with a pencil. I'm the one that's got to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to.
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 184 Joined: 08-Aug-2015 Last visit: 02-Sep-2024
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Q: Favorite deodorant of the Nexus throughout time? A: Old Spice “You, of all people, deserve your own love and affection.” -Buddha
For God so loved the world...
God is Love
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 587 Joined: 02-May-2013 Last visit: 16-Apr-2018
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A dyslexic man walks into a bra. '"ALAS,"said the mouse, "the world is growing smaller every day. At the
beginning it was so big that I was afraid, I kept running and running, and I was glad
when at last I saw walls far away to the right and left, but these long walls have
narrowed so quickly that I am in the last chamber already, and there in the corner
stands the trap that I must run into." "You only need to change your direction," said
the cat, and ate it up.' --Franz Kafka
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 3968 Joined: 21-Jul-2012 Last visit: 15-Feb-2024
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If a special ed student is late to class more than once, is he re-tardy? I'm. So so so very sorry. Sine experientia nihil sufficienter sciri potest -Roger Bacon
*γνῶθι σεαυτόν*
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 160 Joined: 05-Apr-2015 Last visit: 08-Oct-2024
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What's brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr. Dre
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 970 Joined: 01-Dec-2012 Last visit: 01-Mar-2024
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A one armed man walks into a second hand shop. Everything is always okay in the end, if it's not, then it's not the end.
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Got Naloxone?
Posts: 3240 Joined: 03-Aug-2009 Last visit: 12-Nov-2024 Location: United Police States of America
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Q: How much does it cost to keep a zombie well fed? A: An arm and a leg. "But even if nothing lasts and everything is lost, there is still the intrinsic value of the moment. The present moment, ultimately, is more than enough, a gift of grace and unfathomable value, which our friend and lover death paints in stark relief."-Rick Doblin, Ph.D. MAPS President, MAPS Bulletin Vol. XX, No. 1, pg. 2Hyperspace LOVES YOU
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 168 Joined: 16-Jan-2011 Last visit: 20-Nov-2016 Location: europe
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What does an insomniac dyslexic philosopher do? Stays up all night wondering if Dog exists. A man with wide eyes and a pile of dog shit in his hand walks up and says:"Now look what I almost stepped into". it's about making life a neverending experience of wonderfulness!
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 587 Joined: 02-May-2013 Last visit: 16-Apr-2018
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A dylaxic man walks into a bra. '"ALAS,"said the mouse, "the world is growing smaller every day. At the
beginning it was so big that I was afraid, I kept running and running, and I was glad
when at last I saw walls far away to the right and left, but these long walls have
narrowed so quickly that I am in the last chamber already, and there in the corner
stands the trap that I must run into." "You only need to change your direction," said
the cat, and ate it up.' --Franz Kafka
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 131 Joined: 20-Dec-2014 Last visit: 20-Mar-2018
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What's brown and sticky?... A stick. Yesterday, upon the stair,
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today,
I wish, I wish he'd go away.
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DMT-Nexus member
Posts: 4804 Joined: 08-Dec-2008 Last visit: 18-Aug-2023 Location: UK
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An Imam walks into a bar...
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Boundary condition
Posts: 8617 Joined: 30-Aug-2008 Last visit: 07-Nov-2024 Location: square root of minus one
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Man says to his doctor, "I think I'm going rusty," and the doctor replies, "It seems you've developed a common metal disorder." “There is a way of manipulating matter and energy so as to produce what modern scientists call 'a field of force'. The field acts on the observer and puts him in a privileged position vis-à-vis the universe. From this position he has access to the realities which are ordinarily hidden from us by time and space, matter and energy. This is what we call the Great Work." ― Jacques Bergier, quoting Fulcanelli
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