first of all i would like to start by talking a little bit about my day.
after having a nice day in uni it was time to go back to my house and enjoy the package that arrived recently(hbwr seeds, spore syringes, growing bags) first i spent some good time with my girlfriend then i took the bus to my village, usually 1.5 hours but because of traffic and some other reasons it took 4 hours, i was feeling angry of how long it took but while waiting on a stop for 1.5 hours alone i remembered that i should thank god even in such situations and somehow i got rewarded for doing that, once i arrived my uncle told me that another mail arrived for me, it was an order i made 6 months ago and lost hope on receiving it(2 san pedros, 1 peyote, more hbwr seeds)
the san pedro almost completely vanished but the peyote amazingly was still alive and it can be saved
Thank you.
it was 11:30 pm and i was pretty tired but i decided to take the at least 6 months old seeds to see if they are still active, i took the first seed crushed it in my mouth and soaked it with saliva for 30 minutes while showering, it was impossible for me to separate the saliva from the material so i swallowed the whole thing knowing it will cause nausea(i told my friend that i should also try to see how the nausea will be), after one hour i was feeling nothing so i took another seed(same way) and after around 30 minutes i was still feeling nothing so i decided to smoke a little bit of hash thinking it will later help with the coming nausea and to start feeling something, i also prepared two seeds by soaking them in lemon for some time, after 10 mins of smoking the hash i was feeling pretty bad strong nausea and intense auditory hallucinations, noises of all kinds and ufo sounds i forced myself up and took the two other seeds crushed them and stuffed them under my tongue, i really can't remember what happened next at all i just woke up suddenly with no trace of the seeds in my mouth having insanely strong nausea, very slow heartbeat and feeling very ill and sick i thought i was gonna die, i struggled for at least two hours alone in the dark having no visuals at all(everything was just so blurry) i wanted to know how to end this nausea, i regretted taking the seeds and didn't want to try it ever again(later i changed my mind), i reached my phone and talked with my best friend(so glad i did i think this is what changed the course of this trip from bad to one of the most beautiful and changing experience i ever had) i was asking for help but after the first words i felt the nausea was going away and i exploded with feelings i had a very deep magical talk with her and after it i felt powerful again i knew everything all the paradoxes i'm living were solved...
now i'm not sure of what i'm gonna say but it seems that because i always had a very active imagination i'm really satisfied in that realm and i always lack feelings, i just can't feel like normal people do, so what psychedelics do to me is that they make my feelings explode they give me what i need and what i'm missing in life, even on dmt i don't get intense and vivid visuals like most people do it could be the dosage but i feel the more i go up the less the visuals and the more the feelings and connectedness to this world i feel(i still have to try high doses of dmt and other psychedelics to know for sure)...
i was asking for a colorful and visionary experience and i got this i got exactly what i needed i'm so amazed by psychedelics and their power to reveal previously unexperienced realms, again there was no noticeable visuals i felt i was on mdma(never tried it) bcz of the overwhelming happiness and euphoria i was and still living(it's really where i'm currently heading in my life even before this experience i'm becoming generally happy and positive all the time probably because i'm living my first relationship which is pretty much pure and real love) i just love and i'm fully satisfied with what i got from this trip
now to continue with the report, it was almost dawn and my little sister woke up to do her religious things and i was smiling and laughing and melting of happiness i had a little talk with her about following her own way and not strict rules set by others then i went to the roof to watch the sunrise and i saw uranus and another planet(one of its moons was also visible) were shining alone in the early morning sky(the most glorious morning ever), then i had my sceen of fear and loathing in las vegas with real bats all over the place trying to find their hideouts in the walls of the roof, they were flying very close and sometimes in less than 1 meter range of me, i felt pretty cold so i went down and putted a shirt on me and my mom was awake i was a bit worried about my red and dilated eyes and my happiness that it was impossible to hide, she was asking me about what i was inventing all night(she meant what did i take but she is somehow scared and refuses to believe that i do drugs, i feel sad because of that but i can't do anything about it, i tried to tell them everything once but they didn't understand to the point that they didn't believe what i was saying), i told her i'm just so happy with my life and went out to the balcony to watch the sunrise drinking black tea and eating kaaek(something close to toast, i don't know if u have it) and listening to the bees on the trees and many other things that made me understand and live the fact behind the name morning glory though i was on hbwr but it's LSA that matters here.
right before the sun rising from behind the hill i started experiencing some visuals(glowing objects and mountains) and i remembered my roommate's stoned theory about how the sun is the source of all psychedelic visuals and i'm now writing about it since i only only know how to write when i'm high...
there is so many things i felt and experienced that i can put this experience up with best experiences i had so far with dmt but i don't want to mention them because the post is already long and they are personal.
i hope this was worth reading for you
thank you for reading <3
i'm left with some questions and possible answers
1-are we really that brave to come looking for answers in these psychedelic, unexplored, unknown, subconscious, unstable, unreliable and most importantly subjective realms
ans: looking inside is as valid as looking outside, individuality and following your own path is the right thing to do.
2-are psychedelics and gaining access to ready knowledge and realms a good thing instead of building ur theory of life slowly and reasonably.
ans: i still have to explore more but i feel for me the answer is gonna be "yes!"