Gonna keep this as short as possible.

This story is a very very bad, insanely bad trip that exposed me to horrific emotional terror and pain that I never dreamed was possible.

One extra-large hit and the world was instantly replaced and I started to panic. I tried to leave the room before it was too late, and I ended up (in real life) meandering aimlessly around in a stupor with intense blackouts and lapses of memory. I ended up in fetal position towards the end.

I met the Jokers. This was the silver lining of the trip. They were incredibly real, thousand-dimensional Jokers that shot out of my bedspread, and even made eye contact with one of them as it pounced on me playfully, smiling quite mischievously through its mask, and with its big eyes..
This entity I faced up with was by far the most amazing and inexplicably powerful vision yet.

However, these multidimensional Jokers ripped open my soul, tearing me apart thoroughly in all 10 of the dimensions I was experiencing.

I thought I had permanently gone insane and been irreparably damaged emotionally. it took an hour until I realized that somehow, I was going to be okay.

I have never been in love, but the level of pain and brokenness reminded me of being rejected and abandoned by the person in life who you love above anything else. I was shattered and utterly disturbed by this ultra-real nightmare.

It's time to seriously lay off, the Jokers have told me.

Thanks for making this a safe, positive place to deal with this. I have reached a good enough stopping point in the processing. I am nowhere near finished though.
Any comments, criticisms or humor welcome. Humor and a positive attitude have gotten me through this so far =)

hands up who saw this coming, intergrations easy isnt it

This sounds par for the course and is only the very tip of what is possible deep down the rabbit hole when the easy fluffy lovelyness goes away.

just wait until you have an experience that destroys the way in which you think existance works and who and what you are is destroyed and never reasemble the same way, that ones a killer

chin up, all will be fine, eat well, meditate, exercise, take a break and mull over what happened and why it happened.

Yeah, who was that person again posting this:




Yes friend Tom, as you say, putting some humor against it never hurts

Besides dose, was the mindset and circumstance setting different than usual?
Thanks for sharing, and I send love and courage

PS: in going slow and build up, I took a year rising from 2 gr mimo tea to 7 grams. Taking your time to affiliate slowly before you have to is the way I went for, and still do actually. No guarantees are given though, but one can try to have the best chances for it.

Try reading Darkness Shining Wild if you haven't already read it (downloadable free as pdf). The story of the ultimate nightmare trip from which he didn't come back for a very long time. But his insights into non duality are truly astounding. I love that book!

I too had an extremely challenging experience 4 days ago so my feelings for where you are now are particularly acute Very hard to grok what went on.

Hi Tom,

A trip report a day was a reasonable indicator that this one was coming!

Seriously though, glad you've decided to lay off for a bit. If you trip too regulary I feel that you won't have time to integrate anything. It's like travelling anywhere, if you try to fit too much in too quick you only remember the bus ride.

At least now you have something to try and integrate

Take it easy ,
Woody

Ahhh yes, the good ol' hyper slap!

It should be comforting to know that pretty much everyone here has gone through something similar...if interested you can read about my most recent hyperslap HERE.

That was back in July when I was smoalking a lot and honestly having a lot of fun, very similar to your posts as of late...but ever since the Absolution Journey, I have yet to smoalk another true breakthrough dose mainly because I have not felt the need to. I was shown something immense last time and am still trying to make sense of it... But that is the beauty behind it too!

I've been low dosing when smoalking and experimenting with pharmahausca most recently. Also I've been trying to perfect my extraction technique among other things...the point is, you'll know when it is time to go back. It may sound funny or absurd but DMT tends to "call" you back when the time is right, a gut feeling of sorts...

Have a stellar day, man!

Yeah, you can get a little too carefree with this stuff. And what happens in one trip can effect the next one an the one after that.

Tom: I dare say you will meet these jokers again. There's no fighting them, there's no running from them, you have to open up your heart and love them.

The part that worries me the most is the getting-up-in-a-stupor part. I mean, I doubt anybody is going to die from doing DMT alone, but it's easy to imagine stumbling and and hitting your head on something. Sitters have pros and cons, but if you are likely to stumble around again, you might want to take precautions.

Moreover, it's an indication of fighting it which is the last thing you want to do. You have to give into it.

Sometimes when I begin a launch, I imagine myself walking up to their cosmic spinning golden gates and saying "I am here to offer a sacrifice, and the sacrifice is me. Take me."

As soon as you get into a mind-frame of "oh no you don't, get away from me" then it's an uphill struggle. You reinforce the duality and most importantly, it's not a fight you're going to win.

Peace brother,
Glossy

Thanks to all who responded. These responses have helped enormously on my road to recovery
I could easily respond to everyone's words here, they were all such good advice but that would make this reply way too long so here's a couple:



Yes! I'm laughing at myself so hard right now in irony, thank goodness the pain is over! Also I came up with 7 (!) whole reasons why it happened, which I will not list in this reply. Lesson learned.



So true. I am a textbook case. Speaking of books, I am going to read Darkness Shining Wild.

Final thoughts: this experience was a blessing in disguise and I am no longer going to be using DMT irresponsibly after taking an indefinite break.

We all learn, one way or another

Glad you came out of it relatively unharmed. I would like to reiterate what Glossolalia said; you may want to have a sitter present if you decide to do it again. Stumbling around in that kind of state can be very dangerous!

I've always taken solace in this community after having challenging trips. Spent hours reading about others experiences and how they've dealt with them. That book does sound like a great suggestion; I may have to find a copy myself

Take care brother!

Been there done that. Amazing stuff
When they say it's self regulating they're not kidding
This stuff will kick your ass so hard it impossible to even conceive it until it happens .