Well first I would like to thank this community for everything. In my nearly two years of being here I have embarked on a journey that not only is bettering myself, treating myself, but also connecting me to a deep and rich heritage I was missing. You guys are the best. Thanks for all your help. I struggled with a title for this lol I started with I'm getting better, but that was rather ambiguous, since I am getting better at vaping, but I am not better yet! Hope you enjoyed what I settled with.

I have no idea where to begin other than this was the most profound set of adventures I have had on the spice so far. This is a little long I apologize for that.

I weighed somewhere around 35-40mg of ACRB Spice into my Green Buddah loaded up Tycho - Dive, and dove into my experience. I've been having issues with my CEVs, they've been out of focus, blurry, dull, I basically felt like my third eye needed a corrective lens. This trip was no different, just some bizarre fuzzy things, however in this case the CEVs even if there were any were simply distractions, things of mere entertainment. These blurry fuzzy things were all I could make out the rest was black, I had feelings of being in space, of just being experience, not even existing, then all the sudden I had this flash of self and it was trying to run away.

I felt like there was a split happening; There was what I could say was experience (being) and then there were emotions. The emotion of fear was what I was feeling, however I felt like I was outside of this situation observing, and hearing "experience" and "emotion" talking saying: "What are you scared of? Stand up, this is what you wanted."

I came back and I honestly had no clue where I had been, what had happened, and what anything was, let alone what "there" or "I" was. Out of impulse I immediately weighed out another dose which I immediately forgot after I loaded it up in my Green Buddah. I sat it down and thought about my experience a little more trying to remember anything other than this split.

I smoked some weed and talked a little bit on chat. About an hour later I decided to vape what I had loaded up.

This one was not lacking in images, incredible patterns, beautiful colors, I wish I could remember them all, just this constantly morphing ever changing environment, there was no consistency, things that I saw only remained for a few seconds before becoming something completely different. It changed so much I had no time to decipher anything, it was sensory overload.

Then I thought, wait, wheres my fear?

I was going through these intense visions, and not feeling a single negative emotion, almost a sense of confidence that I've been severely lacking. I began thinking back to my first experience and thinking about the separation of being and emotion and realizing that I stood up to my fears, I wasn't looking from the outside. My subconscious had finally decided that it wasn't scared anymore.

During this experience I felt like I was experiencing what Maslow called the Peak Experience of self, that is being the best version of yourself you can be. It was such an amazing feeling I want to do anything and everything I can to integrate that feeling into my life. This innate sense of standing my ground to anxiety and patients, dissolving of time, removing the rush that forces every mistake I make.

Well I know this probably wasn't that interesting, but this was a beautiful experience I feel I can learn from and grow myself to the better person that I want to be and just felt like sharing it with you all. Thanks if you stuck it out

Truly breathtaking, and humbling.

Excellent report brudda!

tat tvam asi

<3

Great report, thanks for sharing! It'll be interesting to see if this abandonment of fear translates to your earthside life as well.

Great report! Thank you for sharing.

Much love bro.

Nice report! Lucky you to be rid of that nuisance!
I know that feeling of It changed so much I had no time to decipher anything, it was sensory overload.
I had that feeling on my last freebase session, and that was very panicking for me (and I haven't vaped again ever since). For some reason, I thought I was becoming mad because the visuals were changing so quickly that I didn't have enough time to even formulate the thought of what they looked like.
"Oh it looks like a giant grid with...oh wait, now it's more of a... oh and now it's... oh...oh...oh........." Something like that

Am I the only one surprised that fear is a male (cf. title)? In French, fear, dread, terror, panic and worries are all feminine... don't ask me why.

If you want to check if your fear still hasn't come back, load a double dose and vape your self away. hehe

Thanks for your responses, I wanted to post after my presentation to talk about how I felt and dealing with my normal anxieties, but my professor ended up not making us present so I couldn't really use that as a step of my integration.

I didn't vape any DMT until today, I just sat and thought about the experience and how I can conquer my anxieties just over and over. I couldn't have any other solution than to just not let it control me, don't dwell on it. Seems simply said, to do is another task.

I did an extraction using MHRB for the first time and wanted to test it out. I loaded up what I thought was a moderate dose. Hah well, I had no idea the difference between ACRB and MHRB was so drastic. It blew me away, literally I felt like I was in a completely new world. My fear/anxiety during this trip was there but it was completely manageable and I controlled it to the point where it disappeared almost as quickly as it reared its ugly head. Since I was unprepared for this journey it kinda rocked me a bit, and I didn't get anything out of it other than my feet wet in the MHRB world.

Guyomech, I read one of your quotes that really inspired me and I will be producing a piece of artwork for this experience. It came to me last night exactly what I want to do. And to be honest I've never had such a clear vision of an art piece I've wanted to do before.

DiMoiTou - thats really interesting. There was a thread on here not to long ago asking how being brought up in a particular language affected their perception. I'm curious about that with French.

Again thanks to the entire forum for getting me to where I am today.

The Universe is a very loving place. Glad you decided to go back friend!
Peace,
---dls---

musk i had the same kinds of trips happening years ago where they all started to become nothing, maybe its time to do some pharma instead. i took a huge break and when i smoked it a while ago now, i remember every bit of it and the experience was so full and vibrant. i actually had a trip that was dark black and felt like my head was being worked on, wierd sensations and then i was showed some heart/lung thing and then a womans face with a candle and then it was gone.
i later had anxiety/cardiac stuff happen. in the months ahead
i let dmt become sort of a habit for me, like weed. i prefer big doses, at less frequent intervals now

Sounds like a wonderful awakening, thank you for sharing.

Namaste

tseuq

Lovely report Muskogee. Funny, I was thinking of writing one myself today about a double experience last night but you've almost written what I was going to say.

I loaded up 30mg in my VG and took it all in two hits. What started to happen - like so many times before - is the experience came on with amazing intensity and then the "split" happened. One part of me dissolved into the immensity of it all and another part was left outside judging, saying it was scary, all too much, way too fast. But I saw this part and realised it was just the automaton that runs the usual daily internal dialog, judging, worrying, opinionating and at that moment I could simply let it drop. This left the journey to go in its absolute fullness to a place with no self, no boundary, sheer beauty beyond beauty.

I came back with an outpouring of profound gratitude. I saw my two cats as I opened my eyes still in rainbow hue. I gave it about 10 minutes, filled up the pipe, this time with 35mg and vaped again. The onset was even more dramatic this time but there was not even the slightest attempt to "split". I saw something was trying to speed up the experience as I entered, like a noise or something getting ever more intense, but I realised that this too was just some part of the false self reacting to what was happening. As this was seen and dropped the beauty entered into its own place of stillness. OK, no words for what followed.

I have now forgotten nearly all details of the experiences - I only know they were the most beautiful thing I've ever known. Thank you everyone and everything!

Not sure, but I think that's what i call a 'dispassionate' phase. Where all the deep seated emotional reactions to one's potential- the fear and anxiety of failure or success, the expectations and role playing that has been placed upon oneself through experience all dissolves and your left with, yes, your highest self. It's a beautiful state, and a great place to be in a psychedelic exploration.

I've been able to take this feeling back into consensus reality, but it's just that, a shell or memory of the true state. I'm getting better at being me, but it would be nice if i could take that state and install it right into my heart.

Yeah, good job with this report! Very similar to my experience.