I don't want to bore the space travailing veterans out there, but I am really happy to say I found and had a beautiful experience with DMT and maybe someone could help me out with translating the few journeys that I had. Or at least maybe share your experiences with me so I can learn from you. also because I know so many of you on here are very educated I just want to give a disclaimer that I have dyslexia so my skill sets are not in the written word. So please have patience as some of my thoughts tend to be fragmented and not clear. Good luck with the translation

Anyway, I was a mormon kid once-apon a time, I did the two year mission thing...Completely brainwashed. Thankfully I started doing the very thing that separates us from the entire animal kingdom , I started asking questions. Long story short I ran away to the military so I could survive on my own away from the mormon hub in Utah. I ended up becoming a medic in the Navy and deployed with the Marine Corps to Iraq. (A war that I completely disagree with in every way) but that does not take away that I was there and I am attached to it all. It rips me up every day. Anyway after deploying, loosing my daughter because my ex that is a Mormon makes it so I can not see her because I am no longer a mormon... I have been on an quest for truth in this fucked up world and some truth in my fucked up mind.

Fast forward to me with my DMT pipe in hand ready to launch off. I had done a couple of years of personal study on DMT up to this point so I knew that the pucker factor that I was experiencing was warranted and that I should respect the journey that was going to take me. I was half laying in bed with my awesome free thinking wife ( that is pregnant with our baby boy!!!!!!!) So she was next to me for comfort. So I took a nice big steady rip, I held it to the point where I could feel myself preparing for blastoff. I exhaled and took a second big rip wanting to experience it in full. and boy I did! I felt really scared at first but it was so powerful and almost comforting that I had no control. I started telling myself and I guess the atmosphere that "everything was going to be ok" I kept on repeating that until I sank back into deep space. I was taken forcefully into a very dark space that I could not make out anything at first and then I started seeing fragmented shapes that all formed together into this grandfather clock like thing... except it was all organic and moving. I then went inside the inter workings of the clock and it was a bunch of arms and fingers pointing, intermingled together with gears. in the middle of this ball of arms and gears was a faint green light that was flickering like a candle. After that I suddenly fell through the floor of that trip and was suddenly traveling hundreds of miles per hour just over the surface of the desert floor and the desert floor was traveling just as fast going the opposite direction as me...so super fast lol. and then I just came back into the room. things where still very trippy, my Boston terriers face freaked me out a bit. it was morphing. I then felt overwhelmed sorrow for all of my mistakes that I have made in life ( a lot of crying with my wife) . The ego death is a real thing. please get back to me with your thoughts if any of this stood out to you in any way. I did have one more experience when I took it on my own that I will share on another time if anyone would like.

morning DocAdams, whether the experience actually means anything or was just crazyness is for you to decide but i would go with the following.

time is a construct that you live within and your life is flickering away and will soon burn out, like a candle. you only have a limited time and all of the mistakes that you have made that bring you sorrow cannot be repeated as you dont have enough time to waste on anything that wont make you happy

That was very informative and scary lol. I guess I should take your advice and live to the fullest before my light flickers out.

The clock motifs seem rather common. I get them from time to time, and I have heard many others describe it as well. What I find more fascinating is your rather uncommon description of zooming over the desert. This is what happened to me in my first breakthrough (which was by no means my first DMT experience, as it took me a few months of trying). When I closed my eyes after inhaling (what was for me) a record amount of DMT, all I saw was black space and in the center appeared a red laser dot. The dot then proceeded to beam off to the right, and my vision followed it. The black space became the night sky over the sandy desert, as I moved over it very quickly. The laser eventually collided with the base of this Egyptian totem pole. The only memorable feature of the totem that I can remember was that a large gorilla sitting cross-legged with its arms crossed was the main component. So the laser went into the base of the totem, where it was redirected perpendicularly to come up straight through the top of the totem. My vision continued to track it sky-high, where it breached off into many different (now blue) lasers that very quickly constructed a castle that was incredibly reminiscent of the Disney castle that appears at the beginning of all those Disney movies. I entered into a room from the roof, and as I found myself in the first room, I began to "lose juice" and the whole thing just kinda fell apart or degraded or something.

That is an awesome experience and thank you for letting me know you had similar experiences. Did that trip lead you to do more studying of Egyptian symbols or was that something that you where already familiar with? I'm wondering if it is subconscious thoughts that are released during the vulnerable state of tripping or if there is a message behind it all?
All I know it was very therapeutic and it sounds like yours was too. Thank you again for sharing.

Welcome aboard, Doc. I want to echo the idea that you have to make your own peace and meaning from the experience. I wish it weren't so, that I could speak the truth about your truth, but it just isn't so.

That said, I believe DMT will open your mind to itself; the beauty, the fear, the pain, the glimmer of the divine. You mentioned that your mind and the world share a similar state? Perhaps you're seeing reflections? Or are they both illusions, neither true? Just a thought.


Anyway, keep going, keep posting. I'd love to hear more from your experiences. They may be hard to pen and life is busy, but I shed a meaningful tear thinking about what you wrote. My first serious working with spice (oral harmala + vaped spice, 3 hour journey into my own death) forced me to think about my life in a similar way.

Another strangle harmonic chord to it all is that I too have dyslexia and am mormon. As soon as you dropped the K-bomb, I had to jump in the thread and check it out.

Holy crap man... Such a small crazy world we live on. So cool to find a fellow dyslexic and mormon. I would love to hear more about what you think and more so your feelings towards this existence. I am so lost man.

Bravo!
Maybe that was what you always wanted?
After all, what would it be like to be in the know - what is the Know?

In the beginning was the Self, and looking around it said - "I Am".
And seeing it was alone it split itself into two,
so that you would enjoy the game of having forgotten you are forever.

That was so beautiful... Wow. Really, that was perfect. Thank you so much.

Your experience sounds like a good ol' fashioned DMT experience. It sounds like you did everything spot on. It can present an endless array of motifs, imagery, etc. Try not to look onto the parts too much, that can drive you crazy.

I never look at a particular part. I look at the whole. One seamless, endless presentation. Sit back, be grateful and try not to impose in any way. Always accept the experience on its own terms. Ime, this is when it really opens up to what it can do and/or show you. (these are just personal opinions and tips)

It's a beautiful experience. Powerful. Cherish it.

Thank you for your knowledge and advice. I really appreciate it.

I'm sorry you feel lost, I feel your pain.. I suppose I can only offer a bit of my perspective, and hesitate to call it "advice", so take it as you will.

In space, you cannot feel your momentum, nor know your direction or orientation... only as it relates to another object. You've got a wife - are you aligned or getting closer together? Are you both orbiting some sun? Are you both pursuing the same cosmic destination?

Most of us, if we are honest, are lost in one way or another. We don't know what is really at the end course of our celestial trajectory, because the vacuum of space is colder and deeper than even the dark dreams of night.

But despite all this, we still have light from the stars. The luckiest among us have travelling companions. Perhaps even love. Hope.

A quest to know one's ultimate position in the universe is noble; but one can know, by relative comparison, where you are now. And more importantly, by your actions, you can know who you are.

How do you relate to those closest to you? How do you treat strangers? Does love or hate have some gravitational pull on you, augmenting your path of travel? Do you swim purposefully or drift aimlessly?

I guess what I'm saying is that lostness is universal, foundness is perceptual, and you personally construct most of your environment/headspace.


Some other time we'll talk about my opinions of god and the nature of things. Pm me anytime.

I'm giving you a cyber hyperspace hug though. Breathe deep until then.

-ff

Beautiful knowledge from FiniteFox. Thank you so much! I sent you a pm