So my girlfriend of 2 and a half years has left me. This all started about 6 months ago due to my gaming addiction, i put int WAY to much time in the game, and stopped seeing her, during this period she started seeing a good friend of mine by herself, they hung out a lot, and things from there have spiralled into a very strong friendship (she told me that they have a very deep connection and that she had started to desire relations with him, this is what started to make me cautious of how much time she was spending with him).

She is 17, the man is 37 years old. Heres some background info: he lives with his parents, he had a psychotic episode in his 20's, he has no friends, so this girl is the only thing he has, he hasn't got a stable job, just on and off part time work, and he seems to have quite a cult-like mentality about him, wishing to be in control of people and to be the "leader" (i was intoxicated by this cult like mentality for a while until i recognised he was trying to control how i perceived reality)
My girlfriend (ex girlfriend now): She has parental issues, her father has never been around for her, and her mother never capable of taking proper care of her, it seems that whats going on might be a cry out for her parents, or maybe an act of rebel, as well as she is going through the HSC at the moment, which adds extra stresses.

Both of these individuals view life as something of spontaneity and to Live in the Moment, but give little attention to the consequences of ones actions, they look at life and just go on whatever feels good, not what seems to be the right action. So they started to see each other a lot, then she told me that i needed time to myself, and so said we should go on a break (she pretty much used me for her reason to be on a break, rather than saying i need time away from you,s he said mitch you need time alone) in this time, 2 days later, she went to the city for the whole day with this guy to an art gallery. I freaked out, and sat both of them down, i let the 37 year old guy know what he was doing was wrong and that he is breaking boundaries and i gave my girlfriend the option, its me or him… She chose him, saying i couldn't control her life like this, i said that she needs to look at where her energy is going if she's going to choose him over me.

(this has all happened in the span of 3 weeks)

After this event, we went on again off again, i finally let her go, when she then comes up to me and kissed me on the forehead, the next morning, she begs me to take her back. I did so, on one condition, she couldn't be friends with this guy, and she started to see that she was vulnerable and he was using her vulnerabilities. THe next day, i saw her walking with that guy, so i told her that i couldn't keep doing this and said its me or him, she chose him. Then again, we were on again off again for the next 2-3 days trying to work through things, until she finally closed the door and said that its definitely over. Now, they are hanging out all the time, spending most of there days together, and she is doing things such as hugging him and staring deeply into his eyes whilst holding both his hands, she wants no contact with me, telling me to leave her alone and not talk to her, i wonder if she might be feeling guilty about what she is doing and whether or not she feels her choices right now are the right choices?

Does this sound like a friendship? Does it seem like they are going to enter a relationship? She keeps saying they haven't been physical yet and that all she desires in him is a deep friendship with him, but her actions are saying she is actually quite involved with this guy, and he too involved with her. What should i do?
Sorry if I'm asking for advice on relationships on the Nexus but you guys can see situations objectively, whilst I'm caught in the middle of this feeling anger, betrayal and jealousy towards this situation, that it could be blinding my judgement.

What is your goal?


tseuq

I do love the chick to bits, but if she were physical with him i couldn't take her back. Story just changed, i went up to the guys place today, the parents found out, and they kicked him out of the house… will be interesting to see where my ex goes with this one, who knows she might run off with him.

So you would give up your dream because of an idea?



All I do is making offers, it is the other persons determination what to do with it and I am free of the outcome of their desicion.

All the best, tseuq

Well ok since you asked for advice here it is how it looks like to me...its your responsibility to stop reading if you are not seeking for a perhaps uncomfortable perspective. I know how much it hurts and i can totally understand if you don't want to continue reading. I might sound harsh, but i do feel for you and wish you all the best....

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First of all, you drove her away by your addictive behaviour. Good you recognize that now, but its too late. What happened happened. Better accept responsibility and see this situation as YOUR fault. You don't appear to do that. Otherwise you wouldn't have posted about how much older he is, or how bad he is, or how vulnerable she is etc etc. Who cares? Noone is perfect, everyone has their faults and it seems this is very true for the THREE of you. There will always be people who'll draw others in with their charms who are potentially damaging people. Of course you can be concerned, but it doesn't change anything really. She can do whatever she pleases and if she wants to hang out with a guy you don't approve of - shit happens. Stuff like this will most likely happen again and again and again.

You should raise concerns everytime it happens....but putting pressure on someone ("Its either me or him!!" is nothing but emotional abuse clear and simple. Again, you are at fault here.

The only valid way in my opinion is to become a better man, get your priorities straight (gaming addiction) and behave gracefully.

You really believe he is only with him because of his parental issues? Have you considered that there might be other reasons (YOU?). You DO NOT own her. She can be friends with whomever she wants to be friends with. She can also decide to opt for a new partner. That person can be as shitty as can be.

IT DOES NOT MATTER

I face it, I learn, I expand, I appreciate.

tseuq

You do know he was talking to OP, not you. Right?

Thank you so much for your honesty. That has helped me come to terms with dealing with my shit and letting go of her. I love honesty man and I'm so grateful that you were honest. Thanks.

I'm glad and hope you will find the inner strength to deal with this frustrating situation and to find a place from which you can heal. I can only wish you all the best

offtopic:



Yes

tseuq