The roar of a wave crested over my spine, metaphysical white lightning aligning my chakras in a line of brilliantly bright bulging pulsating cosmic light which pounced up my 33 vertebrae like a cheetah in full sprint, shot up through my brain and blasted my soul off to the dimension of hyper spatial wonder. Eternal novelty before me in her full multicolored splendor I bellowed "take me spirits!! Take me as your student, guide me through green pastures and red lakes of fire past the dividing lines of the ego fence and leave me in the land of boundless unity. Save me no lesson which must be taught to me. Spare nothing, take me with you and teach me all you may be able to teach."
She nodded to me, rainbow tears flowing gracefully down her star-studded face. She sparkled with the bright brilliance of the milky way on a moonless night. Her face bore an outward appearance of youthful feminine beauty but her eyes twinkled with the eternal wisdom of an immortal Goddess. Her hand outstretched before me through the nebulae separating out presences. Without a single thought or hesitation I grabbed hold of the hand outstretched before me and submitted to whatever the Universe wished to do to me.
Upon grasping her hand an electric jolt swept through me. The only experience which could come anywhere close to the feeling would be getting shocked by a downed power line whilst having the most intense orgasm of your life. I, or at least what I though "I" was, was overcome with involuntary convulsions and writhed around in divine ecstasy as my soul was dragged though the Nebulas. Space, time and everything in between flew by me faster than my sense of perception could get anywhere close to understanding what was being observed. Colors of every wavelength and frequency imaginable (and then some) flashed all around me. I was flying down a kaleidoscopic tunnel of divine wonder at a velocity several orders of magnitude beyond the speed of light. If my jaw was able to drop any further by that point, it would have fallen off my face. With both hands I held on with all my spirit strength to the hand of the Goddess who had awakened me to this parsec of hyperspace I was now zipping through faster than a photon. I couldn't blink fearing that I would deeply regret missing even a mere millisecond of this fantastic voyage through the layers of the sub-perceivable. Approaching me and becoming bigger and bigger at an exponential rate, black as the icy maw of death lay a black hole. The event horizon distorted any and everything which dared to enter. Death, doom and disaster were the only things to escape its infinitely dense pull and I was headed smack dab into the center of it. Fear and terror overcame me and I screamed my head off. I told the woman who had awakened me that I loved and trusted her with all my soul and held on with every ounce of strength I could muster as I was dragged into the center of the bleak black box and darkness over took every and anything.
Her hand was the only thing I could sense when I was in that black womb. Darkness overtook any and everything in the void. Nothingness was all I was. The guiding hand of the divine was all I had to guide me through the darkness and, for the first time in years I felt myself cry as I began to grieve over the nothingness around me which had consumed me. In all my life I had thought myself as nothing in the grand scheme of things, a grain of sand on the beach of being. It had only been an idea, though. The darkness, the emptiness I felt inside me was nothing compared to this literal manifestation of my inner state of mind. Tears strewn across my face I realized that here, in the depths of darkness, I had NOTHING MORE TO FEAR. Nothingness, being nothing, having nothing to say of my life had been one of my greatest fears and sources of depression in the past. Here, in the depths of this black hole of being, I laughed and breathed a sigh of relief upon recognizing that my fears were built on a foundation of sand which would be swept away by the tides of time. The darkness seems scary, but it isn't bad. So as long as the hand of the Goddess was here to guide me I knew that nothing could scare me, make me feel bad for being nothing for the time being.
With that passing thought of mine her hand vanished from my grasp and I was alone in the void with nothing to hold onto but myself. I didn't shed a tear. I didn't wince once or feel even a sliver of depression creep into me. I didn't need to be sad here in this void of nothingness. So as long as I continued to exist I would never be nothing. I will always be a soul. I will always be special. I will always be a gear in the cog of the multiverse. Nothing can or will ever change that.
A fire sparked to life in my heart and flowed all over my flesh, filling me with a feeling of true genuine warmth within and around. Happiness and ecstasy flowed from my third eye as peals of deep divine laughter range from my soul. Even here, in the depths of doom, decay and darkness I will still BE. The darkness only exists if I chose to let it exist and I didn't feel like allowing it to dominate me anymore. Before my very gaze seven streams of light, one for each and every color of the rainbow, shot out before me, forming a seven sided symmetric shape with a glowing white center which got bigger and bigger and bigger as I drifted towards it. It kept increasing in size and intensity until every last scrap of darkness dissipated before my very eyes. There was only bright brilliant beautiful and boundless white light around and in and through me. Nothing less and nothing more. Sheer ecstatic joy shot through my soul as I screamed in rapturous joy at what I had done and what I had become. The universe is a beautiful thing and I am blessed to call myself a part of it.
I found myself in a field of wheat which seemed to stretch on ad infinitum until it was eclipsed at the periphery of my vision. Standing there before me, clothed in green robes of silk and satin was the Goddess who had summoned me forth to meet her. She was more beautiful in person than her visage had been in the cosmos when I first laid eyes upon her. She wasn't beautiful. She was divine.
With arms outstretched she beckoned to me with a voice as sweet as honey "Come, my child. Come and embrace me in eternal union. I have been waiting to meet you since you were first conceived many moons ago. I am your spirit guardian, Daphne. Come and embrace me and let me make you whole. You have learned much and have much more to learn."
I unleashed the floodgates. Rivers rolled down my cheeks as I urged my soul forward to meet her embrace. She wrapped her arms around me and a torrent of cosmic energy flooded through my body. Every orgasm, every jolt of lightning which chose to strike me, every sensation previously encountered paled in comparison to her eternal embrace. Choking on my tears I babbled "I.. LOVE... You... Daphne" and held onto her with the same love and admiration I blessed my mother with when I was but a newborn. Tears of joy ran down my face. Happiness shone bright and strong throughout every bit of being I possessed. Over and over again I thanked her for the experience. I told her she was my true love, that I could not have felt more blessed for having her as my spirit guardian. Gratitude exuded from my heart as space and time stood still around us, unable to break apart our eternal union.
Looking into her heavenly gaze I stared into my own eyes, into my own soul and I felt the wisdom, compassion and strength which I had always had within myself but had been impervious to all these years. I had the urge to cry because I had spent so much of my life blind to who I really was at heart, choosing to entomb myself in a suit of lies as I let my one wild and wonderful life slip haphazardly away on the thin ice of 5,555 new days too many. I didn't cry. I didn't even shed a tear and the sadness rolled away like a blueberry on a conveyor belt. I didn't need to feel sad, I didn't ever need to feel sad. As long as I was forever aware of just who and what I am and forever will be beyond the realm of mortality which I now inhabit I will never again need to waste my time with such silly sentiments.
"This is what I have been sent to teach you, my child," Daphne cooed to me. "Never again shall you feel sorrow. Never again shall you succumb to the sharp stabbing distractions of Mortality. As long as you remember me and stay aware of me you will never feel sorrow as long as you continue to walk upon the good Earth."
With a wink and a grin she burst into a million million orbs of shining shimmering light. A brilliantly bright portal opened up in my heart as, one by one, every orb of her essence found its way back into my heart of hearts in which we forever reside. The field of grain before me dissipated into a big blue body of bliss. Without having to think at all I submitted to the boundless bounty before me and I soon found myself back in my Earthly body. I put a hand to my heart and, instead of the same monotone rhythm, I felt something else, something stronger in the back ground shedding a new shade of light throughout my body with each and every passing beat of my heart. Daphne was still there. She will always be there so as long as I am always there for myself.
Selah.
'"ALAS,"said the mouse, "the world is growing smaller every day. At the
beginning it was so big that I was afraid, I kept running and running, and I was glad
when at last I saw walls far away to the right and left, but these long walls have
narrowed so quickly that I am in the last chamber already, and there in the corner
stands the trap that I must run into." "You only need to change your direction," said
the cat, and ate it up.' --Franz Kafka