So, I've been meaning to write this for a while but just haven't got round to it but I feel like it'd be of benefit to me to get this out here and see what anyone else has to say
So it began with moving back to England after living in Sweden for 4 years, due to this experience:
https://www.dmt-nexus.me...aspx?g=posts&t=61058And I had a break for around 7 months and did lots of work on my life and myself, Eventually I started feeling that connection begin to fade and I was more just running on the knowledge of what I'd experienced than truly feeling it and allowing that feeling to drive the things I do.
This was when I decided that it was time to begin drinking Anahuasca again so I boiled up a big bottle of syrian rue and a big bottle of Mimosa.
I decided for my first journey I'd drink 5g's worth of mimosa and 4g's of rue, I had gone out camping in the woods on my own lying in my hammock with a tarp tied up above me. I'm not really sure what went wrong that night but I would later realise I was lucky that it didn't. from the rue and slight amount of dmt that was seemingly getting into my system I had a night where I felt like there was much emotional / Mental baggage in the form of patterns of thought and methods of justification for my wrong doing. I had a big purge this night and I felt very clean and clear the next day. I had a feeling that this time was just a preparation of body / mind for the real journey the next day.
A friend had come down to try rue and two other friends who had already tried it decided to also come out and camp with us so we ended up in the woods once again and I repeated the same dosages as the night before.. This time within 20 minutes of drinking the mimosa (40 minutes after the rue) I was feeling a very strong dmt presence and I could feel my ego just falling to pieces I got up and purged as I knew I wouldn't be capable of doing so much longer and it was a fairly difficult purge but I felt so cleansed afterwards. I ended up deep in hyperspace for around 3 hours where there was constant lessons unfolding where my thoughts would be gently nudged to the right answer, some sort of celebration would take place each time I understood my lesson which was expressed through entities showing themselves and smiling in my face and also the machinery of hyperspace would jack up in complexity and explode into energy before reassembling itself. This went on for a while until I was left in a big open black space where I realised some things about my self and the universe but I don't remember any of it, in fact, I remember very little of the experience as it was just too deep into the other side to take much back with me. It was very intense the whole time, my face felt like it was connected to an electrical current that made breathing feel very weird.
Now this is the main experience I want to write about as it was very eye opening for me..
A friend had come to visit from Germany and we had decided we were going to go camp out in the forest a few nights and drink anahuasca after being out there for a bit. We'd found a spot we knew we'd be isolated and set up our hammocks. We'd spent the whole day getting high to try and get some extra sleep before the evening but I don't think we ended up getting that much sleep, Luckily the amount we smoked didn't seem to have a negative impact on the experience. In the night we drank 4g of rue each which ended up being too much for my friend (he'd tried 3g several times over the previous weeks without any nausea or too much dizziness) and he decided to skip the mimosa as it was already enough for him. after making sure he was alright I went ahead and drank 2.5g's worth of mimosa tea this time, half of what I did the time before. I lay around for a long time without any nausea or any real signs that I was in for much.
The music started taking on a more electric quality and occasionally things would happen to our music that I knew was being influenced by the DMT but I didn't think it would progress much further than this. I thought to myself 'what a great head space to re familiarize myself with old lessons learned' and I was lightly thinking over things. As I was thinking I noticed these organic looking shapes that were descending down upon me in a spiral but as I noticed them they disappeared. Thinking that this experience was just lacking force I decided to smoke the joint I'd prepared in case the night ended up underwhelming, I smoked half of it before I started feeling really quite strange.. I decided to put it out and just lie back and got comfortable not really thinking about anything at all.
A feeling of intensity start building up inside of me, I began to focus on my breathing to keep myself centred and used a mantra when I felt my mind was getting too wrapped up in what was going on and just focused on letting go to the experience. At some point while doing this I became aware that I wasn't the self I had grown accustomed to, I had become aware that I was actually a soul that was sort of on the back of my body holding on to it and so focused on the life that body lives that I'd forgotten what I truly was. I could see how with my arms I was holding on to this body trying to steer it through this experience, I decided that it was time to stop holding on and let go to this pull from something that I was connected to coming from behind me. As I let go, at an incredible speed I went for a roller coaster ride through infinity, I just existed feeling myself flying around all that was in a 3D floral shaped orbit. There seemed to be a purpose behind what was going on and it was to re align myself with the source of it all and after an indefinable amount of time I ended up just floating in the blackness outside of everything.
There was a constant playful vibe through out the experience, the roller coaster ride had also felt like something we as spirits do for fun to play with the nature of infinity and now here in this black space I started singing out these incredible sounds (I was not making any sounds in reality) which would ring on infinitely in this space and as all these sounds started stacking and becoming chaotic I could see 'god's' hand arranging the sounds into order. I felt there was a lesson to be learned from this that we're all essentially the creators of everything there is but everything that's left to chance or outside of our control is then influenced by god (or just the nature of the conciousness template that all of existence is written upon) god ties loose ends back into the web of life
Having now observed god I saw it looking back and it made me aware of a part of myself that I hadn't been aware of myself. I saw my heart with a lock and chains on it, within this heart was the collection of all suffering experienced by myself throughout all of existence, I felt horrible about it had repressed all of it from conscious mind but saw how I couldn't let go of it, This baggage was the sole reason why spiritually I'd sunk so low from my true nature. God was holding a key and reached out to unlock my heart and god reached in and removed something from there (I could tell that this part of my self hadn't been touched in ages, I'm talking millions of years) and as soon as he did I just melted away into bliss and happiness, I just felt a flood of emotion like I'd never felt before and I just existed in perfect bliss for an unknown amount of time.
At some point I started becoming aware that I had a body again and I still felt like I was half in and half out, I reflected on what had just happened and for about an hour I would alternate between laughing, crying, fits of yawning, lots of shaking and a good bit of fear of insanity that what I'd just experienced, namely god would be too much for my human body to handle. I also felt very sick and felt like I needed to purge out both ends, when I eventually felt like I'd collected myself a bit I got up with much difficult and set out into the forest with the aid of a head torch. everything looked amazing and I felt like I was going off into the forest for a spirit quest or something. When I found somewhere good to purge I couldn't and I just sat around feeling sick and a bit miserable, it was all a bit much to handle right now.. The implications of what I'd experienced were heavy and I began to rethink my life and the ways I'd chosen to live it and what's next for me in my path.
I got a bit lost as everything was still looking far from normal and it being totally dark on top of that. I found my way back to my hammock, stayed there for a while and got tired of all the insects that were trapped in with me, and by the time I decided to get up again it had got pretty light outside, I went to go sit in a near by clearing and finish smoking the joint from earlier. While I was sitting there I felt so connected to everything around me, I felt like I was sending out energy to the universe and things in the universe were sending energy back to me. I turned around and a deer had stopped as it was running by and was staring at me. I just looked at it for a while but it seemed to feel threatened so I decided to leave. from here I rest a while longer until we decided to head back home.
Since then I've had a few other journeys, mostly with rue alone and lsd a few times. There was one more notable experience where I had done a low dose of extracted harmalas and 2.5g mimosa tea, It was a very mild journey but I once again became aware that I was outside my body but wasn't close to having the option of letting go. Instead, from that position I looked into my mind and I noticed there were many eyes looking into my mind also.. These were all my own and I was always looking here even in regular life but it's all tuned out. I became aware that this part of my mind was just like that heart with the padlock on it but so far it had only been relevant to this current life. I understood that we have a limited number of these eyes so to say and the majority of them are occupied looking into past events of suffering and we're not even aware that we do so.
I feel great from all this and much inspiration for life has come out of it all but I realise that I've only just begun the rehabilitation process that I'm sure is a long and unsure road.
I would love to hear what others have to say from their own personal experiences. I feel like ayahuasca has such a deep potential for healing that nothing else I've worked with has been able to get close to.
Thanks for reading, I love you all, I think the work you're all partaking in is vital in realising what's needed to shift the state of things here on earth and I thank you for bringing the knowledge to the public so that experiences like this can be had.. I wish it upon everyone as I fear for our fate where we continue to sink further and further into the dark in regards to our true nature.
