PREFACE:I hope the title caught some attention because I'd like some dialog here.
You can think of this as a combination of multiple experiences.
"Not A DMT experience but THE DMT experience overall."
When I started with DMT I viewed it as just a drug. My first Ayahuasca experience was simply to get high. I don't mind admitting that because I'm not like that anymore.
My first 1/2 dozen experiences are pointless to mention.
The next dozen or so, it started to talk to me - a lot!
Every time I'd "come down" I would think to myself "wow what a weird trip!" and blow it off as just some pretty colors and weirdness my brain generated.
I'm sure a lot of us are familiar with the THEORY that DMT is produced in the pineal gland and that our bodies can have DMT experiences in a few conditions without smoking DMT. For the longest time I had one response to this... "Bullshit"
If you talked to me about God, I'd give you one million reasons you were a nut job.
I don't know anymore guys. I've always been a science man. I'm a programmer. I had debated between being a programmer, psychologist, physicist and lawyer after beginning to study each. I'm sharing that so I can describe my old mindset/way of looking at things - purely physical.
Nowadays I find myself wishing I could drop my company just to research DMT more and, I'm going to. I'm transitioning to a second company to line up residual income just to fund it.
View things how you will. I'm still not 100% "sure" of anything so don't think I'm nuts. I will however phrase things in my post here as they seemed while under the influence of DMT and the time not long after.
COMBINED EXPERIENCES:For my first few dozen experiences, I was just like "hmm cool trip" and on with my day.
During these experiences hyperspace would always tell me "DO NOT QUESTION ME". I'd be like "huh, I just smoked you, show me some pretty colors!".
It started getting mad at me.
For my next couple dozen experiences, most would be hell. It would say "do not question me" (or similar) and if I did not give in, I would feel terror that no words, no movies, nothing could ever portray. True Terror.
So what did I do? I finally entertained it. I sat down with a pipe loaded with my normal amount and literally said "you say not to question you, show me why". This was when I was a junkie. This experience started like normal but then projected me through the veil. I wound up in a room with 3 nurses looking over me. Long story short they told me if I didn't quit shooting up that I'd die. So after it, I made the decision to stop shooting up. It took me 2 years of relapsing but eventually I got clean and remained that way.
At this point I didn't think of DMT as a simple drug any more. I thought of it as just a tool however. The biggest thing that came out of that experience was respect for DMT.
The next X dozen let's just fast forward through - dialog, I'm a piece of crap (I was), need to be nicer, need to take care of myself, etc. So we've just jumped through 3 years of time.
I had a breakthrough one day. I was in a large open area with a bunch of entities. One brought a bottle to me that was full of negativity. Oh the symbolism. Because of the symbolism I didn't think of it as anything except well, a trip. There was a very nagging feeling however. When I went that deep into it there was a strong sense of familiarity. I felt like I had arrived home, had been there before and always belonged there. No, I'm not saying "this reminded me of other DMT trips" I'm saying, I went home..
Let's fast forward to the past few months. By this point I'm still questioning DMT but not like before. By now I'm entertaining the idea that DMT could be more than just a drug.
Is it that we get high and trip?
Is it that DMT activated our brain/a sixth sense so to say?
Those two questions are what I want to solve.
One night I wanted to see what sex on DMT was like. I'm going to short-story this as I have a report on here. Anyway, we were just getting started, I was feeling great mentally and well .. It does feel amazing
but then it happened, I was sucked out of my body and transported into another. This gentleman tripped and fell backwards in front of a bus. I experienced death. The confusion, the pain, the everything. In no way would I expect death to be anything different. I told DMT "you're fucked up for doing this to me. Why the fuck would you do this to me?".. I was relieved once I returned to my body. Talk about having your view shaken.
From that point I started questioning DMT in a new way. I really started to think about the fact that this reality cannot be simply physical. There's too many questions. Take physics for example. I can compute many things and where before I like others would say "that's physics, see - that's how things work" now I say "well there must be something that ALLOWS physics to be what they are".
Really to me it makes sense. The one/all/universal consciousness/whatever you want to call it. If you believe we're just physical there's way too many questions. One would think the U.C. theory/god/etc would imply many more but really it only leaves one - where did it come from? Once you look at things in a certain light you realize that question has no meaning. I don't believe it came from anywhere, that is impossible. If it is, it always had to have been. If it always had been then it probably wanted to experience. We are the experience. Nothing less, nothing more, nothing grand. We simply are.
The above "belief" is not firmly a belief yet.
It's been a lot of leading to this next point but here's where the whole post has been heading to ...
These points below:
One experience evil entities appeared. Another entity helped me get rid of them. It did so by moving my arms and hands in a way as to gather energy and expel it. Ya I know how that sounds.
Another experience it was going great. It was starting to fade though and me and this entity were not done talking. It was bummed out I was leaving so it had me re-perform the same sort of movements but slightly altered and to focus on the experience. This made it return roughly another 5 minutes.
20mg DMT will now take me where 50+ used to.
I can prolong my experiences with focus.
Even with 10mg of DMT and no visuals, I feel detached from my body every time now.
It reminds me of some of the paintings by various artists.
It starts as a feeling in my stomach like a warm energy. This energy seems to flow up through the middle of me. I then feel like I have a beam of energy coming out of my head that ties me to "it".
Wearing my glasses can make me have a bad experience. It feels like that energy is being skewed/captured by them. One time it actually hurt until I took them off. This only occurs when the energy is strong/flowing fast.
One time after DMT I was stuck with the out of body experience for about 10 minutes. We're talking no visuals, no sounds, no trip. I was unable to move my body though and was stuck a few inches foward. It was like I was half in it would maybe be a better explanation. I managed to get out a few words, telling my fiance to come grab my hand to ground me. Doing so did help. After a few minutes I could wiggle my fingers. After a few more, my hands. A little later I could stand up again and felt completely reattached.
This morning I smoked again. I accidentally pulled too soon and 1/2 came through. The experience was very short-lived and really there were no visuals. I did however have the same feeling of detachment except this time I was able to focus back in - somewhat. Once the DMT wore off I asked my fiance to keep quit (we usually discuss it after) and I wanted to see how long I could keep the energy flowing. By focusing on it I was able to maintain it for about 30 minutes until eventually the birds outside became too distracting. At this point I made the decision to give up and let it go. Once I did my body returned to normal.
CONCLUSION:DMT seems to separate me from my body. I once again know how all of this sounds and I actually don't fully believe it. I entertain it but am as of yet unsure.
I do know however that when I used to try to practice OOBE, the feeling was damn near the same. I say "try" because often once I'd get to the point of floating above myself, I'd get awe-struck, over think it, and be sucked right back.
My words don't compare to my thoughts. I'm also forgetting some items I'm sure.
My next step is going to be using Ayahuasca (not with DMT) and meditation to hit the same state.
If that works I will then try only meditation to hit the same state.
Our brains may not be what we think.
Maybe there's many things scientists cannot explain because they do not exist in our brain.
Maybe it's just an antennae so to say.
As of now I'm at "who knows" but definitely leaning more and more in that direction.
Aside from DMT, I've had experiences in my life that are too long to continue with in this post but are also on a paranormal level (we're not talking some stupid ghost throwing books at me).
The trip-less experiences combined with the "trip" experiences really have me questioning all of this though.
Feel free to share your thoughts.