Quote:You have your drug buddies that you hang out with. You have your stash box with all your papers, your roach clip, your cool butane lighter with a pot leaf on it that your friend bought you when she went on vacation to Vegas because you're a complete stoner and that's all anyone knows you for, or associates with you, you have your favorite pipe, your favorite bong, your favorite vaporizer. Soon it's basically just a hobby, and you can't stop, because if you quit smoking pot, then you suddenly realize you won't have any friends, since you surround yourself with other potheads, you're bored all the time, and you spent all this money on paraphernalia, so you really have no choice to keep on going. At least that was my mindset at the time.
This part really spoke to me as this is so much like how my life was this past winter even right down to the butane lighter with the pot leaf, except mine was from Miami
. When I moved to the city to go to college, there began my
lust for drugs. As I adjusted to my new living situation, I eventually gained new friends. Since I was a fairly active drinker and occasional cannabis smoker, these activities when done socially developed into a friendship with this group through these substances. (I won't say we were only friends because of getting high together, but it was a big part of our social behavior.)
With limited supply in alcohol, cannabis become the more popular indulgent. And that's the way it stayed. This one guy in our group was more or less the liaison for us between dealers and he provided the act of retrieving the goods for all of us to partake in. Somehow along the way, I was introduced to some dealers and I took over this role. Then more substances were added to the mix. Before I knew it, I became the dealer and started making profit.
It was like a snowball effect, the farther I fell down the hill, the faster everything seemed to build up. Soon, I even started a drug collection of various pharmaceuticals, cannabis strains, LSD, MDMA, amphetamines, and cocaine. This was all while extracting my own spice as well. To say the least, it got out of control. I started pissing off dealers, having to contact sketchy individuals, wasting my days running around the city picking up and dropping off. I got lost in it all.
Now, tying back to what I quoted, I just simply couldn't quit. And why should I? I was even told by one of my partners that I was much nicer to him when I smoked. Another incentive to keep smoking. Also, all of my friends were regular customers. I could know at any given time what they would want and when based on how scheduled everything was. I also got wayyy too comfortable with drugs, almost as if they were legal. I couldn't comprehend an individual who
hadn't smoked weed since it was such a normal part of my life at the time.
This lead up to one night of driving through the city to pick up a girl who wanted to hangout and smoke etc. I arrived to her apartment, picked her up, and went on my way. Apparently, I didn't have my lights on all the way and was pulled over by a policeman. I had a very small amount of cannabis in a cigarette pack cellophane in my car that I had forgotten about the previous day and didn't take out. He tells me he acknowledges a strong smell of cannabis and he goes through the procedures. If I had known, I would've stuffed it in my pocket since they cannot go digging in your pockets, but I forgot all about it. I received a paper to appear in court for a traffic violation and possession. This sparked my hatred for cannabis since such a petty thing can have such an impact on your life. I haven't smoked since. I've also given up dealing in hopes to get a grip before I end up too far down this path. I won't say I'll never smoke cannabis again, but I will never be so careless again if I do. (I've had one other instance of possession charges with cannabis, but this was the one to make me realize.)
One thing I am grateful for is that it could've been worse considering the other substances I was using then as cannabis is only a misdemeanor. I guess the message in all of this is that cannabis isn't bad, it's just people like me need to realize you must consider the legality or get slapped with reality (and cuffs!)
“...Know what you're using, decide just why you're using it, and you can have a rich experience. They're not addictive, and they're certainly not escapist, either, but they're exceptionally valuable tools for understanding the human mind, and how it works.” ― Alexander Shulgin, Pihkal: A Chemical Love Story