Part of the issue, is the desire to let go. It is our natural state, but does take practice and small steps, in order to acquire the ability to do it on a more continual basis. Funnily enough i was about to write a post about letting go of a past relationship… It's difficult because i have a fond memory which my mind likes to bring out, and feelings then come with that, but when you go to the deeper issues, of why things ended or why you aren't together now, and you don't allow the mind to fantasise about what could be, you realise there is a lesson in each past moment.
What really stops us from letting go is fear. Fear can only exist through thought and time, those two are interconnected, they work together, thoughts only exist through memory and memory only exists through time, and time, in actual fact only exists because of memory. Realising this, we can start to get to the route cause of our suffering. When we come to this realisation, we can discover what is causing our suffering on the deepest level, we can bury out the roots, let go, and plant a new seed which can grow into a healthier foundation, such as love and compassion. Thank you for sharing your experience, this is an ongoing journey, but remember the journey is the path, you shall blossom in your own time.
Radically accept yourself for who you are now, you are made up of your thoughts, you feelings and your bodily sensations which allow you to perceive the external environment. Accept all these factors together, and you realise there is only one moment, in which all these things occur
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Much love brother, the journey is a beautiful one!