Anyone been suicidal?
My good friend committed suicide last year.
I have bi-polar, ADHD, and anxiety...
I've been suicidal before, have you?
I guess alot of people wouldn't be comfortable with discussing this, but screw it.

Some nights I can only type with one hand. Or put weight on one foot. Autoimmune arthritis. You bet I've contemplated suicide. I'd never do it, but the thought has crossed my mind.

I "attempted" suicide multiple times when i was younger. The last time i devised the "plan" i was 17 or so. Looking back i know i wasnt in enough pain to fully go through it. Only a couple of times it was in front of someone and i think those were more a cry for help than an actual suicide attempt. The supposed serious ones were mostly with a firearm. I would always break down and start balling knowing i didnt have the ability to go through with it.

In my younger years i felt out of place in the world. I had not learned how to deal with my emotions properly and they would overwhelm me. Mostly i didnt really have someone that made me feel like i should talk to them if i was having issues. Kids need that, i think i never would have even considered suicide if i had someone to talk to about my problems.

since last few years this has popped up again and again
there have been numerous days,weeks and months where this has been contemplated in detail

yet being around animals,birds and plants has been a healing experience , and lighted a new way ,

choosing to be a humble servant of nature , is the path now

feeding animals and birds , watering the plants , is life now

they teach how to live in harmony , they teach how to have fun

animals even hungry and close to death don't do this , they enjoy , no matter what

---

also since energy can never be created nor destroyed , only converted from one form to another

what is the point then , there is no death for energy , only the body dies

energy is always reincarnating , the energy within the human form will take another form

it will always live

---

in nature nothing except human beings do this to themselves
no matter how hungry , angry or depressed an animal,bird or a plant , it will not do this

perhaps human beings are so far away from the source of love and life , that they do this to go back to the source of all love

yet suicide is not the way to reach that source

the source of all love is within every heart , look within and find love

---

hang out with animals , birds and plants
they are noble guides who can guide one back home
they teach love , they teach joy

also be like an animal , bird or a plant
live in harmony , live in joy

no matter what difficulties life presents
learn to enjoy them
enjoy the pain even , no matter what life gives , enjoy it

for one day it will all be over , the problems , worries , joy and everything else
the moment is all one has , enjoy it

don't give in to hate , anger and emotions

embrace life , embrace the source

<3

During my troubled teenage days I definitely contemplated such thoughts. While I also think like anrchy, a lot was actually a desire for attention, but if I had had a really bad day and things 'aligned', I might have done it who knows. I'm glad I didn't go through.

If I thought of suicide again, which I wont, but if I did... I'd definitely first try to do something completely wild and lifechanging... Like, hitchhike to Asia and go do voluntary work.. Or whatever.. I mean, if life would end, might as well try something like that right? Worse that can happen is nothing changes and I feel the exact same way after the experience, and I decide to go through with the original plan, but more likely I think chances are that it would really be a life changing experience and give me a whole new appreciation for life. "Every man thinks his burden is the heaviest", but it's hard to feel pity for oneself when faced with lives of people who suffered much more and can still smile and appreciate life. Often I think routine and 'feeling stuck' is a big factor in having such negative thoughts, so I do think a big life change can be a good strategy, though definitely easier said than done because when someone feels stuck, its hard to even see there is a way out.

Ultimately nobody but us should have control over our lives. Though the issue is that often people killing themselves will create a lot of pain for others which is unfair (and even more unfair if one kills themselves in ways that endanger others or interferes with other's lives, like jumping in front of a train or car or something).

This mysterious existence can be scary or painful, one may feel like they got the short end of the stick.. I think it's normal that we at some point in our lives feel scared, sad, angry, depressed. In fact I find weirder people who never gone through that. But I think way more people have gone through such difficulties and overcame it and thought "I'm glad I didn't do it", then people who have decided to overcome the difficulties and later were like "damn I should have killed myself earlier".

So hang in there friends, know that you're not alone, please do come and talk to us or call a professional if you're feeling some serious suicidal thoughts. And as you all know, in that mind state maybe psychedelics are not a good idea, specially not alone.

Life will end at some point anyways, better make as best use of this opportunity as possible. Who knows what comes after (or not)... Imagine if you killed yourself and there is an afterlife which is way worse? lol

I found this video to have an interesting view on the subject:



Short summary of the video: feeling scared, sad, angry, depressed is a manifestation of your ego. The solution is to put your focus on others and away from yourself. Help others, communicate with others.

TC shares his view also on the simulation theory, that with committing suicide you just kill your avatar but don't solve your problems.

I haven't watched the video, but that is exactly how i get myself out of that thought cycle. Suicide is a serious and important part of who i am. It has touched my life in many ways. I'd like to try to briefly illustrate several examples and the way it affects the survivors.

My best friend (possibly) committed suicide last year. The lonliness left by his void is painful and at times unbearable. He was one of the only men I've ever used the words 'i love you'with. I miss him dearly. However, when he died (o.d.) , i felt a sense of happiness for him. He had a depression that, despite being successfully medicated, would leave him bed bound for weeks at a time when it struck. He had no family, his death was an escape from pain that i understand.

Suicide propagates itself. Through families, a son, a brother, will follow the footsteps of a suicided relative. MY most recent lover was a very difficult person to be with at times. In fact, it was this difficulty and the fear i had that she would hurt herself that i stayed in a toxic relationship for way too long. The lover she was with before me killed himself, and did so in a way that ensured she'd be the one who found his body. The immeasurable, unbelievable pain and psychic torture that horrible selfish act caused nearly destroyed her. In fact, it may have. Since we split, which was in part due to her drug use-meth,which i can't stand- she has gone overboard with prescription drugs bought illicitly and other things. It's sad. She had issues Bessie, but his self destruction guaranteed that she'd never be happy and he would always be hers.

I myself attempted twice. In my thirties, while i was selling (statue is up ) and shooting up to trio gram of heroin a day. Do how did my cowardly, junky self try? Why, od, of course. Since i knew a simple heroin od would be hard, i spent all the money i had on a drug mixture and alcohol that i thought would surely do it, along with a couple gram shots of tar heroin. I did it all so the various substances would hit at once. The pills, then two pints of ever clear, then the two 1 gram shots. I went out immediately. However, four hours later i woke up, as i was falling down into an icy puddle. Somehow, i had gotten up and walked all the way across the river and was wandering around an industrial area. I guess my body went into some kind of survival mode and just began walking. A couple weeks later, i tried a similar approach. Again it didn't work.

My initial 5meoDMT exp was crucial in t removing from my psyche this burden. It gave me an experiential awareness of something greater than myself. It brought me home. Showing me that i am a godly form and my life is valuable. Since then, several years ago, my life has by no means been easy, in fact, the attempted suicide of my roommate caused me to lose my home a couple years ago and i have not been able to get out of that yet, despite working full time etc. But u don't consider suicide anymore.

OP, what is your curiosity in this subject?

I was so different than anyone I grew up with in my small Texas town that i thought many times of ending it while I was a teenager. I felt so alone, people thought I was so strange. I probably would have done it had it not been for the fact that I have such loving selfless parents. The thought of how much pain I would bring them was enough not to do it



Then I got the internet when i was seventeen and realized there was a whole world of people like me. Moved to a bigger city, and genuinely love life an I'm thankful I never did it.

Yeah i guess almost everyone has had those thoughts in certain moments and situations. Some do it and some don't for numerous reasons.
I had short glimpses so far into suicidal thoughts, feelings etc. but like Jin wrote and Campbell explained i also have used this methods and observations from my day to day reality and altered state reality to balance this out. No need to rush to embrace the death since it will come either way so why not do something positive in this world while your still here and be a positive example to others???
World seems a crazy place and if you strongly believe and play your role in this cosmic drama there is a big chance you might act out...
But does this end your quote on quote ˝PROBLEMS˝? Are this problems even problems in the first place and are they even ˝YOURS˝?
I think we as individuals and as collective have a mayor IDENTITY puzzle to work trough. This identity(ego) can get clouded with fear, anxiety, hate etc. and act out in all forms of violent behavior that we can see throughout whole human history.
But there is a choice do you as apparent insignificant individual in this crazy existence wanna contribute to that madness or you decide to go against all odds and try to be a positive example and go down as real SPIRIT WARRIOR?
Each f****** time when i was down and in darkness and i didn't give up i was rewarded with insight and growth so as long as you nourish that divine spark darkness will never be your resting place.

Real ˝YOU˝ is never ending mystery.
GRIND ON MY FRIENDS!!!
Peace and Love to you all

Ever since detoxing from Cymbalta, OVER TWO YEARS AGO, I have been pretty miserable/depressed/angry/actively suicidal.

This is new for me. I've been sad and depressed before and had some bad s**t go down in my near half century in this incarnation.

I have a lot of stressors and changes to deal with, especially in my relationship with my husband and his declining health. Also, the dissolution of my brother's marriage has caused many a tear here. Declining pet health and ever rising medical bills with our income frozen at abouts our 1991 level is an ongoing nightmare too.

But, really I got nothing to be stressed about. My husband beat metastatic CANCER!!!

What is the real issue here? Neurotransmitter imbalance and permanent brain changes? Inability to deal with ongoing changes and losses?

I think we need to ask ourselves these questions in an ongoing manner and try to work on our stuff.


Also, I believe it was Uncle Knucles who said, "Suicide leaves a s**tstorm of pain and confusion behind it," and he was right. Ever had a friend or relative suddenly off themselves? Well, we have.


Let me tell you right here and now that life is nothing but change and things will change one way or another. Most likely all of us will feel better or worse with time. If we work on it, that time may be lessened.

Unless all hope is truly lost now and forever, I think we need to table our self-destructive thoughts. At least for six months right? We have the duty and obligation to not only get our affairs truly into order, to plan and provide for those we leave behind, but also, to give this a bit more time.

If killing myself is a good idea today, then it will be a good idea next week, in two weeks, in a month, in a year. Take the time to make absolutely sure and to do everything right. And to take some real time to re-consider. What am I doing to those I leave behind? Has anything changed in the past six months? Do I feel any different or have I noticed any changes from the previous period?

Let's not rush into anything irrevocable here. We get one single go around in this incarnation, for better or worse. Don't we owe it to ourselves and those around us to at least try to change things, and to take a LOT of time to make sure we have taken care of things and are absolutely sure?

Seriously, I'm thinking burn ward 85% third degree with a three day life span, suicide is legit. Also, being like 98 and riddled with metastatic cancer, who am I to judge right?

But, the rest of us have DECADES left . . . . let's not blow it.

I think that having someone to talk to in life can make you feel much better.
Sadly I don't have someone I can talk to.
I have trust issues and they're taking a toll on my relationship with an amazing girl.
I've never been very close to my family.
I feel very distanced from everyone.

I'm 18.
nuff said eh?

Anyways, yeah sometimes I just feel so fucking lost and insanely hopeless.
I'm trying to hard to control my moods and handle my fucking life.
I've been addicted to drugs since I was 12....
With in the past year; I quit drugs, smoking, etc. I started working out and eating good and taking vitamins and doing good things...
All these changes happened after I attempted suicide by OD, got locked up in a mental hospital and was freed.
When I was released I smoked 1 last cig and swore to change my ways.
Then I started dating my possible soulmate...
I'm young. Whatever.

You've got us to talk to

Be careful defining yourself with trust issues, you are who you want to be. Do you want to be someone with trust issues? Lean into it friend.

As you say, you're young, like me (21); I think that's all the more reason to stick it out. There's lots to change here in this world, but it is true we must first understand ourselves.

Things change, things always change. It sounds to me like you're on the right track, and balancing with good habits. It sounds like you've met a girl you're real into aswell! I see good things, and learning. Sometimes we must suffer to learn, but try not to wallow in the mud. Stick it out. I guarantee you things get more interesting.
As endlessness mentioned earlier, get help, get someone to talk to if you're seriously considering leaving this round. But I'd like to see you hang around

Hey Honey

There is most definitely some very good advice on this thread, and I am certainly not going to patronise you by telling you not to go through this, mainly because if you were serious you probably wouldn't listen to me anyway. Whats really important is that you are absolutely certain its the right thing for you to do, and what about those left behind, could you really put them through that or are you of the belief that no one will care, I think not given the relationship you're in. Most people who take their own life do so because they are at a level where they really truly believe they won't be missed, and in a small percentage of really sad cases this is the case but the majority is this couldn't be further from the truth.

I'm going to explain my experiences, I came very close to suicide when I was finishing my teens, not much older than you are (I'm 39 now), I bought everything I was going to need to go through with it when the time was right for me. I still bare the scars from all my self harming and despite the fact that I dearly want children sadly this will not happen for me for one reason or another, I deal with long term depression (probably since I was eighteen), have a personality disorder, and am generally a lost soul.
The reasons for I am the way I am are from issues which span decades, I've dealt with far too much death for one person of my age to handle. I'm going to be quite candid, mainly because this is pretty anonymous here. All started with two of my friends who were murdered, one when I was fourteen and another when I was sixteen, then at eighteen I was involved in a fatal car accident, at nineteen I was gang raped while on my way home from a night out, lost my mum at twenty one, then my nan, then one of my closest friends I had to watch loose his life over a fourteen month period after a motorbike accident from which he never left hospital. All this while dealing with my own psychological issues.
So there have been many times over my life where I have seriously considered ending everything, but the thought of leaving those around me is what keeps me going, that I couldn't do it to them, my brother, my dad, friends - everyone, and therapy.
I realise you may have trust issues in talking to people, but therapy is the biggest factor which has saved me, if you have issues with trust then go and see a therapist, you don't have to say anything to them, they are trained to understand and work with you to build the bond of trust. Its not the sort of thing that happens overnight and can take time, they will be patient, sympathetic, understanding. If you express you have issues around trust, then that could be the first thing to work on. I'm on my forth therapist and second psychiatrist at the moment, my therapist knows all about my drug usage (i've never had an addiction, I'm just recreational) and would never disclose a solitary word of it.

Please try and find it within yourself to speak to someone, I never believed it myself but therapy does work.

Love Kate xx

Hey man, I'm sorry to hear about your troubles.

There's a ton of great information above. I think Jin gives the best advice (as always), but that's up to you to decide.

I'm young too, and there are a lot of days I think about jumping off the top of my apartment building. There are a lot of days where I specifically think, "If I had a button in front of me that killed me instantly, I'd click it right now with no regrets." Fortunately this semester of school is much better than my last semester, so I don't have as many bad days. But I'll get like this when I have to work long hours too.

Rationally, it's easy to think, "Oh, well there are more bad things in my life than good things, so I would actually benefit from taking my own life." This is dangerous thinking!! Your interpretation leads your life. If you are forced into circumstances you don't like, make yourself like them. Turn things around. Only if you want to of course.

I like what endlessness said a lot too. Do something crazy with your life before you just end it. Although it may sound parent-y, there are tons of people in the world who wish they had your opportunities. I assume you get to drink clean water and play on the computer? Date pretty girls? Sounds pretty awesome to me (I do these things too ).

Simplify your life. Don't think so much about responsibility and all that crazy stuff. Just do what you need to do, and take pleasure in the basics of being human, like eating, drinking, sleeping, and even using the bathroom. You might find that living simpler will lead to a much happier life.

I wish you, and anyone reading this, all the best. I know what it's like to be down in the dumps, and it sucks, but sometimes you have to work through it and remind yourself of the privilege you have. Embrace your existence and let go of any fear. Good luck.

My life is fairly simple and good.
It's my mind that is diseased...
I feel guilty for feeling like this.
I hear what other people go through in life and it makes my "problems" seem like a piece of cake...
I guess I just need a vent...Don't we all>?

One thing that has helped me not be troubled by certain things is to bring more positive thought patterns into habit. Soon as you start on a negative thought pattern shut it down and tell it no, then force yourself to smile and think about something pleasant. Eventually it becomes habit and negative stuff starts feeling gross which strengthens the skill even more.

This.

I've spent years retraining the way I use language. There are always ways of stating things in a positive form, as opposed to the habitual negatives that can drag a person down. By retraining the way things are said in the outside world, one's inner dialogue starts to reflect this also.

Good luck, all, on your journeys.

some days for sure; but I still have days where I don't. That's the important part.

Major depression sucks quite a lot, but I think much of it often stems from depressing lifestyles that these depressed people live.

If you are contemplating, do you: eat a healthy, balanced diet?
drink plenty of water throughout the day?
exercise even a little bit? Even a brisk 30 minute walk a day?
get at least 7-8 hours of sleep per night?
have hobbies and real friends?


Yeah, I know that the mood disorder stems from chemical imbalances and whatever else have you, but that doesn't mean it isn't the lifestyles causing the chemical imbalances.

Seriously, a happy, meaningful life requires a solid foundation. Make sure you have one.

For a long time I wanted to kill myself. At age 10 I was (mis?)diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. Been treated with a plethora of hormone treatments and all kinds of garbage. I say misdiagnosed because I think it was the fact that my diet was total garbage and so were my sleep patterns. Finally I went to college at the same time me and my high school girlfriend broke up, a close family member died, and I was at an all time low healthwise. At that point I became addicted to narcotics and alcohol. Basically life was not good.

Luckily I had the awareness to realize something needed to change or I would kill myself, life was too unbearable. Enter ayahuasca, unlike the other psychedelics I had dabbled in, ayahuasca didn't permit my recreational and destructive mindset to pervade. Instead I saw myself in a new light, a light of hope where change was possible. At the end of my first experience I realized I had the power to change all along. I needed that powerful impetus, and I would argue that many more do as well. Perhaps I could have realized without any substances what I needed in my life since it was so glaringly obvious. I needed to cultivate good habits, count my blessings, be thankful and appreciate what I do have. Slowly over the course of years I came out of my suicidal depression, now in the past 2 years or so I finally feel like the years of cultivating a positive outlook on life, and good habits is starting to blossom into true happiness, despite constant setbacks.

The moral of my story, is that you are the master of your destiny, what you choose to believe will become reality. Try to wake up each morning and be grateful for the air in your lungs, thats a good place to start in my opinion.