PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind)Set:Stressed
(physical condition) Set:Good but physically stiff
Setting (location):Home
time of day: Midnight
Gender: (m)
body weight: (63kg)
history of use: (experienced)

BIOASSAY
Substance(s): harmalas from rue DMT from ACRB
Dose(s): 20mg harmalas 50mg DMT
Method of administration: vaporized


EFFECTS
Administration time: T=0:00 (Harmalas)
Administration time: T=3:30 (DMT)
Duration: (20min)
Baseline: (45min)

Intensity (overall): (4)
Evaluation / notes:When approached humbly one doesn't necessarily require a "good mood" to use the potential of DMT in personal work.

REPORT[/u]
So yeah here I am up again late night typing up a report I thought could wait. I just had one of the most important trips of my entire life.

Leading up to tonight it is life on life's terms. Conflict with my teen daughters from a former partnership and their mom trying her best to advocate for them. Me stuck on resentments toward her and the difficulties of our changing relationships. The blame game blending with a desire to "fix" everything that is too complicated with negative emotion and combativeness around issues.

I almost bailed because I felt like I was stuck in this negative space but I had prepped myself. A healthy diet in moderation through the last few days. Exercising, Caffeine cut at a decent hour, no cannabis. 20mg of harmalas was pre-dosed around 8:30pm under my tongue. It was beginning to wane in effect by midnight but still putting me in that place where I knew my body was at least prepped and the pre-flight anxiety unreleased would just be troubling in itself. I returned to the machine which I had taken out and put away twice over the hour.I scoffed slightly that i was really doing work. Maybe I was just trying to escape. However my respect for the spice is too great to "drug myself" with it. I have good reason to fear this practice as recreation.


50mg ACRB extracted spice was preloaded two nights before into the machine (originally intended for Pi day). I decided to go for it after stretching a bit of soreness and some self massage in tense spots got me in a place where I was physically ready. It this point I knew it was about the work so I decided to acknowledge my negative head space and my intuition seemed to say "come as you are".

The first hit was a doozy I think it was enough but went again as the room disappeared in a fractal display. Then I was in this place of not remembering I had hit the DMT. everything looked normal but re-arranged and as I realized I had launched and was alive but quite on the other side of this dimension. A presence nodded with the secret that even after this life something lay beyond. Like a wink from eternity.

Then I was in the presence of an entity, I think the one who showed me my other ancient self, I wrote about before here: https://www.dmt-nexus.me...aspx?g=posts&t=62998 I was acknowledging it by it's name which I cannot pronounce and it (I say it because I am unable to assign a gender but it felt male) had something important to show me. Something I needed to see. I was shown a frightening entity and within its tentacles was the my human self. Not only me but multiple of myself and others humanoids as well. It was unreal. It was as if it were feeding on our souls. i was enveloped within its tentacles as if it were absorbing me and the others in its grip. I mean this thing was hungry. Torment on all the faces it was absorbing and enveloping their essence.

I commanded it to let go and it only got darker, colors shifting to blacks and reds. It gripped tighter the angrier I got. Like a predator guarding its kill.The more I commanded the more terrifying it became. THEN I realized my anger only gave it more strength and the only way to be released was to release myself from my own anger. I then realized that in my quest to be right and requiring everyone to acknowledge my pain allowed this thing to feed on me. The act of resenting my kids and their mother was giving this creature with enormous amounts of energy. I had become bitter because of my frustration and anxiety to the point of pushing them away. This this is merely feeding on my energy surge. At that point I had so much compassion for their souls and knew in my heart my singular job as a dad is to love them without condition as they are. They have been through so much that I have not been able to help them through. I have not been the father i can be because I am blinded by old pain that they cannot understand or fix. I began to apply this unconditionality to other people and I could see them more clearly than I ever have in my life. My wife, her family, my babies, colleagues that get on my nerves. I never felt so free as to be able to see it from an observer state. Falling out of the spell of ego I could feel my body fall into a state of peace and relaxation. It was then that I wept for my daughters in the realization my first and most important job with them is to put my love in action, let go and be present without this ego shit blinding me to who I am to be for them even in conflict. I am so grateful to have been shown this path. Now the work of keeping this knowledge fresh the next time conflict comes and apply it now.

Thank you so much skoobysnax

You are very welcome!

Perfect

I can totally relate to the need to let go of old emotional pain being purgative in itself, from a recent exp. Your visuals were a lot more concrete than mine, but I also experienced liberation from something parasitic that was feeding off of an old wound.

Thanks so much for sharing, makes one feel less mad

Awesome vision, amazing lesson.

I'm very happy for you man. As you say, setting aside ones own pain is a profound way of showing love, acceptance and forgiveness of both yourself and others.