Well then, I thought I'd throw up an experience I had last night with the Lady, I wouldn't call it a bad trip by any means but it definitely was a stern lesson in observing my mental state and contents seriously before diving too deep with the Green Lady...
"I felt a calling to delve into her waters last night. This time I decided to go in without my pre-dose of harmalas, whether this contributed to my having a harsher time, I'm not sure, but my experiences tend to indicate that the harmalas act like a cushion to land on once in the besaged state, like a lubrication of the mind that makes the entry into her lands less rough (sorry for the slightly blue metaphor
)...
Anyway, I first set up my ritual space and attempted to clear my mind and state intention (harder to do with out being in a harmala'd state). I started off with a small dose of the plain leaf and had a beautiful interaction between plant mind and human mind, a little knock at the door and friendly greeting if you will. Against my gut instinct I loaded up a bigger dose 10 minutes later when I probably should've heeded my intuition.
After inhalation of the second round it kicked in stronger, definitely not my strongest trip by any means, and previously at a level I have always handled. But... this time it kicked in and I at first felt joy at the deeper immersion but then she decided to give me a bit of stern teaching and threw my current fears and contents of the unconscious at me, creating a repeating tunnel that stretched off in my minds eye. This caused me to sit upright and open my eyes in a bit of a panic to which I quickly reassured myself that I can handle this and promptly started breathing into the contents of my mind with deep breaths and prana, instantly calming my mind somewhat, and try to regain the eternal observer that is in each of us and not too give into the emotional content of my thoughts and mind that had been thrown at me. basically try and receive the teaching that I deserved.
As is the case with the bridge of smoke, this all subsided fairly quickly, and though I still felt a need to vacate my current lotus position in my sacred space, I knew better and sat out the remaining besagement state to work myself through the issues brought up in her teaching. Once feeling mostly back to normal, I got up and did a few tai chi-esque moves to try and work out the excess anxious energy and this seemed to help. Session and teaching concluded, I packed up my space and retreated back to the main house to have a hot shower."
Soooooo, I guess this was my first serious teaching from her, though she has been giving me more subtle lessons since I started in on her path. I have been rather selfish with my personal time lately, seeking solitude to work on the things I hold dear to me but.... there is a balance to these things and I must be careful it is not to the detriment of my close relationships too. There are also some pretty big life issues I have at the moment, nothing negative, just some big changes that will be coming, and I guess I have to be careful when I come into her space that I have the house in order so to speak, that was the second teaching I gathered from her, don't approach deeper into her besagement without 100% commitment. I had a gut feeling on that second dose to still stay low and I ignored it, and still being slightly besaged from my first dose, also ignored her. So like any good teacher she gave me a stern lesson to teach me patience, balance and being more mindful.
This was by no means a bad trip or a breakthrough trip either but there is still hard lessons to be learned in the lower levels sometimes. I need to pay attention to what she taught me and integrate this before I venture deeper next time. I feel I can go into the subtle levels still for meditation and general mental upkeep but the deeper levels require a pure and clean mind free of too much worries and self doubts lest she'll give me an even bigger teaching next time!
Thank you to the sage goddess for the necessary teaching.
P.S. And thanks for reading nexians, much gratitude. Give me your thoughts if you have any, Regards, Inner Paths
"The love I've made is the shape of my space"