Hi, I am 22 yo male. Prior to this strong experience I have only smoked weed with friends but never got any good experience of it, only a anti social feeling. I also tried LSD once, but it only got me super horny and than I saw some ancient symbols on the wall.

I have been interested in psychadelic after seeing intelectual people talking about them on youtube and taking the experiences seriously. Especially dr Stan Grof got me very interested. I was interested in both emotional healing and spirituality.

It was in Costa Rica, with two other random people and a Lady shaman that I had my first ayahuasca. We all had 2 cups as the standard. After the second cup the shaman told me : Sleep for two hours. To my surprise I did fall asleep. After I woke up I could feel the effects. Especially after I closed my eyes. I was in the dream world, but I was concious of myself. I remember saying to myself that I have always been here and that this is very familiar. After a while of these soft visuals, a strong feeling came over me. Im dyeing. I stand on my knees. Should I call the ambulance. My whole body is giving up. My whole body is telling my I am dying. I look at the helpers and shaman. I remember I didnt want to say Im dying because I didnt want to be a drama queen, so I just said help, I feel really really bad.
After that the shaman sat with me and calmed me a bit down. After this I just gave up. It felt what I believe death will exactly feel like.

First, as I gave up, I felt as if I was going completlly crazy. I was thinking that this is exactly how crazy people's mind must be like. I Told myself: I drank this shit and I poisoned myself, well done. Complete loss of controll. My eyes went rapidly out of my control from once side to the other.
As I was dying I saw every thought and idea being striped away from me. My name, how I thougt the sun rises every morning, every single thought of my reality as I formed it went away. I was also able to see my whole life up till that point as a single experience/ feeling. Interestingly, I only saw the first 7 years of my life when I had an epic childhood, having a great time of freedom and laughter at my grandparents who lived on the countryside. Non of the other 15 years showed up.
After this, after I was left without thoughts and ideas, there was just me, the infinite observer/ experiencer.

Now a lot of people mention the unity, the oneness, but what I felt was more of a lonelyness. Becuase in that state, it was the cruel truth, this intense feeling of "this is it", this is all that ever was, theres not going to be anything else. This is infinity. You in infinity and no-one else. And if you think about it its the way it is. You can have all your best friends, loving family around. You can be having sex and haing your penis in a girls body. But its still only you, from the time you are born all the way untill you die, it's only you.

After experiencing this state I also understood how time is an illussion, how from that point you can create the illusion of time in which we live now.
After that evening, I experienced it a few more times after waking up from a nap.

I later read about how few spiritual teachers talk about this "observer" v but I dont see anyone mentioning that It is very lonely. And there's also not too many people talking about it. After I got out of the experience I was very happy to meet my family and have this feeling of beeing with other people who love you.

What do you think, can you relate?

yes

One, is the loneliest number One, is the...

I AM is the Mother and Father of Everything and Loneliness is reason for this what we consider separate individual life experience. So far all of my big glimpses of IT have been revealing this to me.

I can relate my friend.

Indeed hardboiled - we forget all encompassing unity so that the cosmic consciousness that we are does not feel so lonely. When we return to the state of unity we also return to the state of aloneness. At least this is one of my running theories.

Have you ever had a dream where one of the dream entities called you out - you the dreamer, the creator and master of the world. And yet this entity, a manifestation of your own mind, acts and behaves beyond your immediate or conscious control and even recognizes you, where you did not... I think sometimes when we go into altered states and connect with the godhead or the cosmic sentience, it's like that. We really are beyond it and within it at the same time. At least that what it feels like to me.

Loneliness as far as there is desire. Otherwise - fullness and peace. The desire brings the multiplicity.