Fellow travelers,
I have just come up from the deepest psychedelic experience of my life. The degree of ineffability of this particular journey gave me a gleeful sense of satisfaction. I know its a crude metaphor, but after much foreplay around hyperspace I finally have lost my psychedelic virginity*.
So on that wise, I wanted to re-introduce myself before jumping into some questions for you.
I am pretty hardcore Mormon. To some, DMT and Mormonism seem incompatible but I do not believe this. I'm not saying they exactly go together, but who is to say they cant? Anyway, outside one particular thing its not that relevant. That one thing is that I have experienced the divine on a pretty deep level. Sometimes I forget this, and the sacred gems I've mined before sleep wistfully under a bed of life's dust of business, disappointment and doubt. I know I previously have boo-hooed about my life as a spiritual hardgainer; that is still true but I have received many spiritual riches from my labors. I just forget it a lot - good thing I've kept bullshit-free journals for most of my life.
From my experience, the divine is way different than DMT experience. That is something that I didn't expect. One similarity they do share is that forgetting/remembering factor; I realized that today's foray into hyperspace, diving deeply into the midnight sea, I had been here before!
Even on some of my milder sessions, I saw this same space. Same universe - same spiritual plane with its inherent physics and colors and geometries. Like the ocean, its colors undulate and textures morph; each wave can be a beautiful and unique painting that will never be seen again, but at its very substance it will always be the same. Chaotic, deep, everywhere and everything. As I swam in it tonight, my essence gave way into it's own and I stopped floating atop the surface. I folded into it and became one with it.
Then I tumbled through the bizarre circus of colors and Aztec shapes. I smoke DMT in the bathroom, and there lying down on my cold tile floor, I was lost. I only had a vague sensation of my body and it was that my knee was leaning against the tub and the slightest muscle action required to keep it there was ultimately tedious and exhausting. My only real conscious thought was that next time I tripped, I wanted to be blasted so far down into hyperspace that this burden would be overwhelming and would push me into a new form of experience. Perhaps bravery, perhaps foolishness. Either way, I vowed to go deeper. I also remember that the pulsing and overwhelming vibrations persisted much deeper into my trip this time. Previously, I would start to come down at 8 minutes and the effects would weaken. This time, I was blasted off much faster and stayed deeper for longer** (and I did it off less spice - thanks for every one's advice on how to make more of your smoke!)
I am amazed that there is some much skill in experiencing the psychedelic. As mentioned, tonight actually illuminated my previous trips - helped me remember their details and make sense of them. Its like hyperspace is such an overload that at first your brain doesn't have the memory space to hold it all so when you are down its almost wiped clean.
Sure, it could be a backward rationalization and blind-spot filling technique by my mind and memory - people are not immune to that like they pretend to be - but t felt categorically different than false memory. It just felt like actually remembering details of a movie I'd seen several years ago, with facts about the film that are not subjective so its not a demon of the mind.
Thank you for all your help.
Much love,
FF
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Question 1: How hard is it for you to hold your mind together and remember the deeper trips? Did this improve over time?
Question 2: I know its best to get the maximum amount of DMT vapor into your body as quickly as possible, but is there a window where you have to put all the DMT into your body before it'll disregard any more? I have trouble getting all the spice vaporized off the screens in one hit, but have good physical control in the first minute of the trip so I can keep hitting. Or should I pursue getting improve devises for more efficient vaporization? I'm currently using a bong with "the key".
* For you more perverse folks, yes, it was quite an deep and exquisite rooting.
** 28 mg, plus some melted residual on the screens.