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Boom! No limits to nonexistence in the center of infinity. Options
 
xerxes
#1 Posted : 9/30/2014 7:53:16 PM
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Some background, and then a description of the most intense DMT experience ever, and possibly the most intense experience in my life.
When I originally tried a peganum harmala extract, I made it too strong and had a rather unpleasant experience physically. While I didn't heave, I definitely felt like if things got any more unpleasant I would have. The trip still had value, but that value wasn't "worth" what I had to go through. Far too much harmala effects, far too little spice effects.
I since then have learned my lesson and had success with far far less rue extract. It may be that I'm more sensitive to these particular compounds than some people.

So I decided I should lower the dose all the way to 1.5g. I've seen references that this is considered pretty much a minimum dose to get any MAOI/RIMA effect at all--perhaps not expected to be effective for our purposes. Well, it sure worked for me. As in "Wow, that made DMT-phospate very, very available orally." The best thing about it was that I got the effect I desired (more than I ever imagined), with no nausea nor pain whatsoever.

What I did, and for me had easily the most intense and rewarding oral DMT experience so far (granted, out of only three oral attempts). Each time I've reduced the harmala extract and increased the DMT since on the previous two tries I just wasn't getting the level of DMT experience intended.

Preparation:
Harmala:
1. 1.5g rue seeds in 300ml filtered water, added juice of 1 lemon.
2. Soaked the seeds for 1 hour.
3. Simmered the mixture for 3 hours, adding filtered water whenever the level dropped to ~100ml. Added water to have 300 ml until the 3rd hour, let simmer down to ~100 ml.
4. Strained the solids out with a coffee filter. Put the solids back in the pot with another 300ml and repeat step 3.
5. Filtered & added the 1st and 2nd extracts together, simmer down to ~80ml.

DMT:
1. 50mg DMT freebase and 50 mg reclaimed DMT-N-oxide/DMT freebase (presumably, it was "reclaimed" from crystal formation in the GVG using IPA + evaporation. I of course don't know how much might have been oxide so perhaps I shouldn't suggest that it was...) Now the total qty there is 100mg, which is a high dose--but with such a small amount of harmala...
2. Dissolve the DMT in Coca-Cola to make DMT-phosphate. Used just enough liquid to do the job, don't know the ml amount. Kept adding the Coke & stirred till it dissolved.

Administration:
0:00 drank all 80 ml harmala. Tasted bad, but as I noted, no nausea or discomfort.
0:30 drank the DMT-phosphate. (Again, suggestions here are most often "consume together" or "wait 10m". 30m is referenced elsewhere as possibly "too long" to wait...but it worked for me)
0:45-1:00 things ramped up. (possibly sooner, I honestly don't remember exactly--when it started, it came on faster and faster, then "boom"!
~1:00 ...I think it was around this time I was entirely in hyperspace, I honestly can't tell you any time reference till what might have been about 2:00. The first point I rember even being able to look at the clock and remember doing it to see "how long was I 'gone'?" was at 2:30. (and I estimated I'd have been "able" to look at the clock for about 30 min. Again, I just don't know.
Comedown was very gradual till 3:00 and by 4:00 I felt close to baseline.

The "peak of the peak" was essentially a 30 minute (at least) version of a 3 minute vaporize hyperspce journey.

The Experience:
I wasn't sure if this was going to work or how well it was going to work. Wow--my first reaction as things ramped up--this is coming on strong like vaporizing! Wow! Rapid OEV vibrations, carrier wave sound(s), getting louder and louder. Then my vision got "covered" with what I knew was going to be the edge of hyperspace, and the body buzz and excitement reached an incredible pitch. I closed my eyes.

Instantly I know, "yep, this is going to be intense"; I see a space/area that I've seen before. It looks like I'm looking down into a grid of rooms via their open ceilings. Like cubicles, but they're all connected like the cardboard box/crates that bottles come in, if you follow. But that's only the simplest abstract way of describing them; They rotate, and their floors turn separately, and their surfaces are a shiny smooth surface with light colors. Now that I look at them, they begin to fold "open" and an "entity" becomes visible, controling the movement and changes in the rooms. It's tough to describe the being(s) since there aren't really any things like them in this world or dimension; the terms I'll use are only abstractions or analagous references. Something like an insect, but more like an umbrella without fabric, turned inside out, with irridescent pearls on the tips of the arms. They're dispassionate, just manipulating the space. They unfold-inside-out-wrap part of the environment up and around me. Again, describing the folding of space in that place has no effective words to describe it in this dimension.

Throughout this time the sounds have gotten louder and louder. The roaring, buzzing, flanging, resonating sound seems so loud that the sound must be real. It overwhelms my hearing, without pain or stress.

I fold with the space.

Suddenly from a pinpoint a huge multifaceted honeycomb sphere expands and envelops me. Each cell has a geometric shape in it, and they expand as well, turning inside out and growing, enveloping me. As I'm enveloped in this, "I" begins to fold up and vanish into a point in the sphere. This experience is ineffable and indescribable. "Ego death" does not do it justice--this is the merging of existence with infinity and no-time in no-space. There's a "no-time" somewhere in here that I don't recall. It's not unconsciousness, it's not a blackout, it's just...infinity.

The next recollection is "coming up" out of that infinity, out of the no-space, able to think with symbols that are words. "I should go back" (Aha! there's an "I" in that thought! I've got a rudimentary ego...)

There's no fear that I can't or won't go back, I know how. But the feeling is that I'm separate/apart from physicality, and I must "swim through" to reconnect with this dimension. These are terribly inadequate expressions but perhaps you get the idea.

My ego is doing some heavy lifting to reestablish its presence in this dimension. I say (in my head, not speaking)
"existence. presence. I am. time. what is time. I am here. here is now. now I am..."
and so on. I wasn't trying to convince myself, just instead making affirmative statements about the reality I knew. As I do this I feel I'm "in" my body again, and somewhen in this process I transition from CEV to OEV--I don't recall opening my eyes.

I'm stretching my arms above my head, and out, and out horizontally, then back up, over, out again. I feel this and the energy in it. I'm electrified. "Power." Other concepts are coming into play now. "labels. person. 'xerxes'. identity. here." I'm shaking and things are vibrating. I remember the rush up now, and said:

"I bring the universe into existence by my very being."

"I am the truth, and the light, and the power." (Look, I don't think I'm Jesus, nothing like that; It wasn't like that. It made sense at the time. Perhaps this is just the same stuff unwinding from all our godhood...)

"I control everything, I control the universe. By Experience."

"I plan for infinity, for forever."

"Because I am existence."

"I am power."

"I am."

(That's some hard-core work by the ego, reestablishing itself, I'd say.) That didn't seem "unreasonable" at the time, and didn't feel like an egomanical god delusion. It wasn't that.

The sounds, oh, the SOUND. I've got major synesthesia going on. It's incredible. Eyes open, depending on where I'm looking and what I'm looking at (near or far, up or down, etc.) my sight makes the sound change!
And what sounds they are--a humming, throbbing, pulsing buzzing song, a sursurration throughout. The pitch and speed of the sound goes up if I close my eyes, when I open them and cast my glance, the pitch changes, down, and the speed of the pulse or throb slows or speeds up. It depends on exactly how and where I look.

What does it all look like? It gets even better! I've got the normally-in-CEV-geometries of spheres, squares, planes and curves visible with eyes open! They're on in and through the things in the room, the walls, floor, and my body. These change with the sound!

Now I'm gesturing, it's an evolution of the stretching I was doing. I curl my arm and put my hand next to my temple, I gesture outward, palm up, hand cupped. This changes the sound, and "sends" the focus of the visuals over to/at whatever I gestured at.
Something like nyih-nyih-nyih-neem-nom-whom-whom-whlum-neem-neem-neem-neem as I stretch out my arm. It's amazing. I'm exploring the intersection of the dimensions. I've never had this happen before on a DMT trip.

I'm saying single words much like the thoughts I was having earlier. They're more profound than it might sound. I'm recognizing the concepts I've expanded on, but encapsulating them: "essence." "dimension." "extension." "presence." "power." "time."
All while now hearing the synaesthetic noise-music and maniplating it with my sight and gestures. The power and energy I feel from being able to do this is incredible.

I'm giddy with it. The intensity is close to overwhelming, and it's not fading. It goes on for a long time; me just playing with this dimensional conjunction. I have a recognition that the other dimension (hyperspace) is real, and the "consensus reality" is a projection. I consider whether I'm thinking that due to suggestion and experience reading about hyperspace. At the time I feel really certain that, no, hyperspace is the framework, and "reality" is a projection laid atop it. Much like the statement I made earlier. By my being, the universe is exactly how it needed to be in order for me to exist. Not that I'm
the center, or focus, just that the projection and my experience of it is dependent on me.

My dog comes over, and I pet and rub her fur. Next thing I know, I'm curled up on the floor with her, telling her how much I love her and that she's my best friend. Then I'm lying on my back on the floor, laughing, gleeful. I the time with the dog and laying on the floor lasts for quite a while, but I can't tell how long it was. The synaesthesia is subsiding somewhat, I find myself making some similar noises as I feel like they "need to be here". I've still got "energy" over and beyond reality. I find that I've stood up, and am doing some sort of bouncy tae kwon do sort of moves, they make sense, they aren't violent, they're just part of the interface between the other dimension and this reality. So I'm obviously able to walk now, and move around coherently.

I wander out of the room and go to my bathroom. The house is clearly, to my mind, just a part of the projection. I'm fascinated by how it exists. I think back and recall the entry into hyperspace and am amazed by the hyper-reality of it. The brief instant of uncertainty and confusion that was followed by total clarity and certainty. I concentrate and try to ensure I remember the umbrella-entities and the honeycomb sphere. I laugh because I'm having trouble thinking of words that can come close to describing those things.

Everything is covered with the gold, green, and red basketwoven patterns I've seen on the come-down from vaporized trips. I recognize this. I'm coming down. I go back to my room and manage to stare at the screen long enough and work out how to type the "I bring the universe into existence..." thoughts down so I won't forget them. Sounds are still there, with the carrier wave, I'm quietly listening to them and sitting still.

Now I'm tired and drained, it's been very intense. I recollect on the above, and notice the time. Ah, another hour or so and I should be back to baseline. I contemplate what happened, chuckle, sigh, and have a hard time at that point putting things in the right sequence. When was that bit? What about that? Did that happen earlier, or just a bit ago? I think some more and collect my thoughts so I'll be able to write this down.

Interestingly, after that last hour, the tired and drained feeling goes away. I guess it's partially the tail of the harmala wearing off?

Wow. Just wow.


 

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Infectedstyle
#2 Posted : 9/30/2014 8:26:21 PM
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So that's what it is like... Absolutely incredible! Embarrased Drool

Like a baby..

Sounds like what I thought the experience would be from listening to Mckenna and Joe rogan.
And more..

 
starway6
#3 Posted : 9/30/2014 10:34:42 PM

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Great trip report!
Ive never tryed oral experiance yet..would you say oral experiance is easier to recall than smoked trips?
 
xerxes
#4 Posted : 9/30/2014 10:42:04 PM
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"The Hyperspace comes in--the Hyperspace goes out. You can't explain that" - Bill O'Reilly

It's so hard to put into words. And my sense of time was so twisted--it's only a guestimate how long all but a couple of those times were. I was throwing sounds and shapes around for a long time.

And of course "how much time did you spend in infinity?" doesn't even begin to make sense as a question.

And...if anyone feels like there's any fragility or instability in their psyche, I advise that you do NOT take this sort of trip. A less stable person would surely have had a psychotic break.

"Look, man, this was waaaayyyy more fucked up than it even sounds."
 
xerxes
#5 Posted : 9/30/2014 10:47:33 PM
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starway6 wrote:
Great trip report!
Ive never tryed oral experiance yet..would you say oral experiance is easier to recall than smoked trips?


Thanks! Well, at this level of intensity, I had trouble sorting out the order of things after the fact. It helped to write it down and think through it. And of course my memory of non-existence is just a wrapper around something with no labels that can be assigned to it. Smile

But yeah, there's that point in an intense breakthrough vapor trip where I often come out and don't remember; like: "um, what was that middle bit?".

I've done a lot more vape'ing (maybe 30 breakthrough trips?) and usually I know what went on if I write it down--when I don't, I only recall if I have another trip with the same theme: "oh yeah, I've been here before"...
 
StormsEnd
#6 Posted : 10/1/2014 6:04:49 AM

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What an astounding report, very well written and compelling to no end.


Quote:
"Ego death" does not do it justice--this is the merging of existence with infinity and no-time in no-space. There's a "no-time" somewhere in here that I don't recall. It's not unconsciousness, it's not a blackout, it's just...infinity.

The next recollection is "coming up" out of that infinity, out of the no-space, able to think with symbols that are words. "I should go back" (Aha! there's an "I" in that thought! I've got a rudimentary ego...)



This part is very interesting, and one of the things I think about lately. To get obliterated and exist without a defined beginning or end was really frightening for me and only realized its implications after I came down. It made me wonder: do you think that there is an indivisible "Self" to yourself? Like if your ego dies, your body dies, there still seems to be someone observing the hyperspace right? That person seems to be you, and no matter how many times you go to sleep or cross the boundary between here and hyperspace and lose all context to what it means to be human.. you still are that observer, experience is still happening to you.




Quote:
I have a recognition that the other dimension (hyperspace) is real, and the "consensus reality" is a projection. I consider whether I'm thinking that due to suggestion and experience reading about hyperspace. At the time I feel really certain that, no, hyperspace is the framework, and "reality" is a projection laid atop it.



And then there's this idea that we are in a projection. If I think about this notion for a few seconds while in peaceful or calm environment, I actually get physically disoriented and have to fight back a small case of panic. One of the lasting gifts of crossing the door between here and hyperspace is that I'm able to "feel" that I'm in a simulation if I think about it a bit. Things begin to get really slippery as the thin veil begins to shimmer under the probing my mind exerts. For me, after I have seen the truth that this whole "descendant of hominids on a blue planet in a galaxy somewhere" thing begins to make me laugh at how ridiculous it is. Do you ever have any similarly powerful moments of unreality or felt profundity of the fact we're in a projection?
 
xerxes
#7 Posted : 10/1/2014 1:37:25 PM
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Quote:
It made me wonder: do you think that there is an indivisible "Self" to yourself? Like if your ego dies, your body dies, there still seems to be someone observing the hyperspace right? That person seems to be you, and no matter how many times you go to sleep or cross the boundary between here and hyperspace and lose all context to what it means to be human.. you still are that observer, experience is still happening to you.


Quote:
For me, after I have seen the truth that this whole "descendant of hominids on a blue planet in a galaxy somewhere" thing begins to make me laugh at how ridiculous it is. Do you ever have any similarly powerful moments of unreality or felt profundity of the fact we're in a projection?

Well, it's very profound at the time and the effect does make me question my perceptions and assumptions after the fact.
For me, it's a subjective truth on how my mind works, and not a hard objective statement about the world. Gravity still works the same way, and it's testable before and after the experience. Objects still have mass, and even though they're "mostly empty space", the quantum rules stay the same no matter how hard I think about changing them.

I build my inner, subjective world by experience, and that's pretty profound.

Sam Harris talks about how the self is an illusion and that's really a hard thing to accept.

In psychology, we study things like the Theory of Mind, which sounds more deep by name, but really is about a person (or other animal) understanding that others have a different knowledge about the world than they do. We have to develop this, we're not born with it!

When you're a kid, your translation of the 3D world to a 2D drawing starts out very...different. Think about a kid's drawing. Part of it is not "knowing how" and the skill involved with that, but you didn't think people were stick figures nor that houses were "flat", did you? No, but that 2D projection did.

Right now, your mind is mapping the sensory inputs from your eyes differently than what they're "seeing" physically--you don't "see" your blind spot, and even more of a twist--you're "flipping" the image--your eye's lens puts the image on your retina upside down! You somehow get that sorted and see things "right side up"; your mental map of the world is different than what you're receiving.

The Orb has a sound clip in a song about Karl Popper's description of three worlds. Paraphrased: "There's the first world, the objective world of things. There's a second world, my inner, subjective world, but there's a third world, the world of the objective contents of thoughts..."

Some of that relates to the equation for pi exists as a valid and correct concept before I know about it, if I calculate it correctly it's the "right" answer, for the idea of the definition of a circle. Cubes exist as a definition before I personally define them. Seems simple but perhaps it's really deep. And important, so I don't get lost in solipsism when thinking about all this. Lots of great Karl Popper quotes and ideas here.

Quote:
"There are all kinds of sources of our knowledge; but none has authority ... The fundamental mistake made by the philosophical theory of the ultimate sources of our knowledge is that it does not distinguish clearly enough between questions of origin and questions of validity."


Here's a really great explanation of the "Three Worlds".

Check out that Sam Harris video, it talks about transcending the ego, it's really cool.

 
 
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