Question is straightforward.

To all of you nexians who ever smoalked DMT, or did any other sort of psychedelics which can shatter your reality before your eyes: how do you find place in "normal" life afterwards? You know, that kind of "normal": go to work, sleep, be productive to society, obey laws, respect authority, socialize...etc...is it impossible for you to do this now in the same way as you did before?

And if you could, would you return to your previous state of mind, that state before you tried any psychedelics, that state where everything was seemingly perfect and clockwork like?

I'm asking this before I have strange sense of alienation now. Like, I was fundamentally changed by this stuff. I'm not anymore interested in what most of people around me are. I think that they regard me as some kind of weirdo now, because I don't fit anymore. They're interested in gossips about celebrities, I'm not. They're interested in politics, I'm not. They're interested in who got drunk last night, who slept with whom...etc, and I'm not. All that I'm interested in now is "who am I" and "what am I doing here, what's the purpose of this all?".

Thanks you in advance, fellow Nexians.

Peace and love.

For some people, yes. For others, no.

It's like in The Matrix. Neo clearly was not happy and did not find ignorance of the truth to be bliss. But I think there was a guy eating a steak at a table who loved it so much... I suppose it depends on how much into sensual satisfaction you are.

There's also a Greek proverb, "The believer is happy, the doubter is wise." The point is that you can believe whatever comes your way and be a happy person, or doubt everything and risk your happiness for wisdom.

My personal goal, as greedy as it may sound, is to have both. I think we can be aware and happy at the same time. A lot of the people who you claim you don't fit in with (neither do I where I am) probably don't want to handle the ultimate absurdity and meaninglessness of their lives and actions. I'm fine with it, I just keep on going.

I don't find it hedonistic either, as I try to demonstrate empathy and help others. I work on all my psychological circuits. I exercise my ego sometimes. It is all part of being here now, in my opinion. We appear to be humans and have certain needs, and as long as everything is kept in perspective (psychedelics are extremely useful for giving honest views on our lives and how we live), I'm fine searching for the truth and staying happy!

Hey there oversoul1919,

I'm so sorry you are suffering man. I want you to know that those of us in the forum and on the chat who have begun to get to know you send you are love and support. Take a modicum of confort in that. You can take an hour or two out of each day from consensual reality if you so choose and come hang out here, where things begin to make a bit more sense.

I think a lot of folks here have gone through a similar syndrome (for lack of a better word).

I also think that the deepest insight I can offer is give it time. Take some time off from drug use. Embrace meditation, start journaling thoughts and dreams, embrace good diet, regular sleep, regular orgasm (sex/masturbation) and getting out to nature at least once in awhile.

And just for the record, things were totally screwed up for me both times before I chose to use psychedelics in my life.

That was me. Some folks perhaps just take psychedelics due to peer pressure. Some, like when my husband chose to use them, take them just for hedonistic purposes. Some, similar to myself took them looking for deeper answers than I was being offered in my everyday life. I cannot help but wonder what your story was . . .

Well, regardless, there is no going back. But, time does change things. I do not say it heals all wounds, but it changes and softens things I find. Seriously, though, take some time off from actively using entheogens and spend some time actively being kind to yourself and working on integration.

Please keep us posted.

Warm Regards,
Pandora

Personally, I feel as if my consciousness switched from Automatic to Manual (Standard) mode, in the same way a vehicles transmission works. Now, I find myself examining every aspect of my life, noticing how each thought was formed based on a pre-existing belief.

Before, life just kind of went by, without any "hey wait..." stopping and thinking.

I see people and notice different aspects of their personality that I was unable to perceive before my psychedelic use. But, I feel that these effects are results of my inner transformation being projected into my reality. Its as if my mind won't stop "double taking".

Each night I find myself examining everything in front of my eyes, wondering if it is real, and trying to "grasp" onto the experience, but it just seems out of reach. It has caused some issues in several areas of my life, but has benefited me greatly in others.

I would not go back to how I was before, but I feel like there is another hurdle for me to jump over, to get to the other side of this confusing situation. That initial "Oh my god, how is this possible" realization that you get from your first psychedelic experience is what really made the biggest impact. Knowing that "that" is possible. It just makes you think differently.

maybe.. but i think my definition of bliss was changed all together after psychedelics too..

You know that the ignorance you speak of is not bliss. No one has derived permanent happiness by being in that ignorance. Transient pleasures, yes, followed by the anguish of them subsiding and the mad pursuit of their recovery. Rarely are these pleasures even experienced without the shadow of fear that they will be lost, as they inevitably are. There is no bliss in that.

Which is why you started looking at things beyond. Going back to ignorance is out of the question. That state is done with, it doesn't work. No regrets.

But you are inbetween, neither here nor there, seeking. There is anguish in that too. Still seeing the world as world (separate), on the one hand, but also having looked beyond, being pulled towards the Source, on the other.

It helps to follow the example of the Self-realized sages - study them, see how they carried themselves in the world, how their lives expressed their realization, how in their daily behavior they wrote the books of their teachings. One close at hand here is Ramana Maharshi. If you are so disposed, find out about him - it will help.

You, my friend, are the owner of this creation. There is nothing to be alienated from, nothing to "find place in". You are it. How difficult could chopping wood and carrying water be?

There was a stretch of time while i was trying to deal with my new eyes, and figure out how they work and why that i felt a slight sense of longing to be back in my old shoes again. Overtime this finally got completed paved over with a comfortable-ness with what ive been given.

It takes time, but eventually this new you can feel more normal than the old you. If your finding it difficult to fit in to your old life its because you dont. You can now create the new you and your new life.

For some people this may require drastic changes which could mean moving, finding completely different friends, hobbies, career, life goals, ect ect.

Dont fight it, go with it and create as you see fit.

Bring it into your life, everyday - live it - one breath at a time.

Thank you, everyone for support. You're awesome.

And with this mate, I think that you've hit nail in the head perfectly.

I don't feel being in that controlled state is bliss. We lean towards ignorance to deny something we clearly see, or don't see and lock into a pattern of behaviour without questioning it. Therefore, impatience, which will lead to other corresponding states such as irresponsibility.



Perhaps its time to start asking more fundamental questions to your own, personal life. This experience is relatable. As they say, sometimes you are your best friend in all of this.

So maybe its time to learn to be comfortable with yourself, perhaps through some experimentation? In time you may return to friends, family etc. Who knows, you may even want to. This alienation you speak of is simply a stepping stone so to speak. Allow whatever may come and enjoy it.

Hope this helps!

So if you were to meet a bunch of likeminded people you would discuss "who are we" and "what are we doing here" all day long? What happens when you reach the end of the discussion where everyone developed their theories, created synthesis with those of the others and still no conclusion has been reached?

Profound and philosophical questions are nice but if they are the only thing that you are interested in you have very limited interests and it's no wonder you feel like you don't fit in. Sure, you don't have to be interested in gossip of celebrities, but there's got to be something outside of existential philosophy that inspires you. So I'm sure there's plenty of people out there with whom you share those other interests. Not every person or friend you have needs to fill all your needs, i.e. not everyone has to cover all areas of your interests in order for them to be valuable people in your life. Not every activity you do has to be related to resolving the mysteries of the universe - because just living your life, you are already a part of the mystery.

When I started taking psychedelics I felt similar though. I couldn't explain myself to others, or at least that's what it felt like; I hated small talk and shopping and all those things that most people seemed terribly interested in. Certainly there's people out there that I would not hang out with, but there's plenty of them that I would, even if they don't take psychedelics and we never breach cosmology, philosophy or the significance of life in our conversations. I like to think that some things are really better explored in private, while with other things it's just up to you to bring them up in conversations if that's what you are interested in. You might be surprised at the discussions that come up.

And most importantly as I mentioned above, you must have interests beyond the profound questions of existence. Sports, chess, cooking, animal protection, art, literature, languages, music, traveling, surfing, growing plants, bee keeping, meditation, etc. etc. Use your passions to connect to other people and to develope yourself. You never know what profound insights you might gain from wood carving or sky diving or whatever - every moment can offer us oportunities to grow and learn something, because in every moment we are whitnessing the miracle of this universe.

Ignorance is not bliss. Bliss is realizing how amazing all this is, even if we don't understand, and realizing that you are a part of it. I would not take dmt or the other psychedelics back, no chance.

I dunno. Psychs have taught/shown me valuable things, but a lot of it, I suppose, is part of growing older and hopefully having become more mature. It's hard to decouple what changed due to psychedelics, and what changed due to those other factors. But to me, they have been a positive influence, 100% certain.

Still do not know of any better ways to have a deep hard look at life/existence, nor do I know of a better way to be bluntly reminded that just being alive is a miracle in itself, and there is beauty everywhere one looks.


I wish that knowledge would stay with me longer, it does tend to become intellectual knowledge and not really felt, after awhile.

(And yes, tripping again will usually bring it back, but I wonder if somehow this could become "stable" knowledge, and how to get there. Perhaps here is the value of a spiritual path, others feel free to comment..)



And so, to address the original questions;

1) Memory can be tricky, but thinking back to my 1st major psychedelic experience (with LSD; there had been Salvia experiments before, but it was just weird, no insight.. you know the stories), there was an acute realization that there is much more to perception than meets the eye. What I took from it (after eternal moments of beauty) was, pay attention to the present. Pay attention to now. It is all you have, it is all you'll ever have.

The same message I had been reading about in Buddhist teachings. The same message wise elders spoke about. And at that moment, I understood it, I felt it.

Wish I could tell you guys that such a realization (not that uncommon on acid, I hear) stuck and my life was forever changed due to it, but it would be a lie.

My life was forever changed in the sense that the things I witnessed that sunny afternoon in my modest apartment confirmed, in ways that I would not, could not, have suspected before, that there is value and much learning in this psychedelic path.


Not blaming anyone or anything, but in retrospect it seems that not having people around (physically) whom I could talk to about this experience (without them thinking I lost my marbles:grin greatly attenuated the benefits of the experience.

None of my friends/family back home trips, a few listen sympathetically, but nobody understands. Part of it was my own fault of course, but it's part of growing up. I had to learn how to find like-minded people.

In that frame, after having had several friends/family members question my sanity as a result of trying to explain the things I'd experienced, life eventually kept going more or less in the direction that it already was.

Having tripped a few dozen times more since then, I would say that, at least for me, the realizations/insights soon fade unless concrete action is applied to make them a reality. To aid this process I keep a trip journal, and make a point of sharing experiences with friends (who do trip and thus can relate) online. I think this is a pretty common thing?


So to me, given such conditions, the result has mostly been, in what is perhaps an ironic twist, a strenghtening of the ego, due to the need to keep 'psychedelic nexalizer' segregated from 'people think this is normal nexalizer' in public.


I found that it is pretty impossible to discuss these things (that interest me so much) with 98% of the people I know (in meatland). After trying, perhaps a tad too enthusiastically, to tell my social network about those wonderful tools, I quickly came to realize the futileness of the endeavour.

And thus it was concluded that I had to go elsewhere and meet more like-minded people.

If you've read this far, hopefully you can by now see the progression to the answer to question #1; Psychs brought great destabilization and a much increased awareness of just how out of my environment I was at my residence. Don't get me wrong, it's a nice place, good weather, nice nature, but ... I don't have anything in common with anyone there besides the 'normal' society-expected things.

And it is nice, people are nice, it keeps things flowing, but it doesn't scratch very deep.

To some extend I already knew it, but after taking psychedelics, it was undeniable.
And though I'm still living through the repercussions, and frankly a bit lost, it was something necessary, and one day it will pass.

And thus I travel and explore.. inner and outer.


Regarding #2, that's easy (even though, again, in my particular case this awareness predates psychedelics): No.


I would rather endure suffering and questioning and false starts in the search for how to live the life I truly desire to live, rather than always being in my comfort zone and not thinking about these things.

Have I succeeded? Partially. The last few years offered stability, but now reaching my 30th birthday I realize that a lot of what was built doesn't make sense anymore, and/or has to go, and new structures need to be formed and nurtured.

I don't always manage to live up to the idealized version of myself, and psychedelics actually tend to make that so much more visible. But in the middle of it I learned to accept it better.


As for your last (big) paragraph, that is how I've always felt, even before cannabis. The internet has been the miracle of my life, for suddenly there ARE so many people out there interested in the same 'crazy' stuff.

But over my 20's I realized that it's not enough. This virtual world of ours only goes so far, and real human interaction is necessary. It is an amazing place and I can't imagine my life without it (and offtopic, it bothers me to no end that almost nobody can see the damage being inflicted on it right now- I speak of course of mass surveillance)


I too am searching, and in my personal writings, I often ask the questions; Here are some tentative answers..

"Who am I?" ---> That which can see (some) possibilities unfolding before they do; That which can (possibly) make them come to be.
That which can to some extent select the reality to be experienced; Awareness.

"Why am I here?" ---> To learn, to improve, to experience, and discover, explore. To live well.

"What is the purpose/meaning of living?" ---> To LIVE!

Thanks you for your insight. I do understand what you want to say. I still am interested in other topics, like sport, art (I regard music also as an art) and science. But those topics still have some meaning and purpose to them, while most of the other topics and activities have became utterly foolish and meaningless.

I think that breaking connection with all people who don't understand me as such would be the best idea. I have few friends who like to talk about things that I'm still interested in. But they also steer from those things, and start talking about others ( which is normal flow of conversation). For that part, I can just pretend that I'm interested. And even if I'm not interested, I'm generally a good listener.

I'll find a way around this, ultimately. I don't fit in, but that doesn't mean that I will not survive. I will.

...don't 'shirk' it! Relax!

And this one: