Hey all. Firstly, This is my first post on the forum, although I've been an avid reader for the past month. Accepting suggestions regarding rules of posting and on my best will to learn from y'all.

A little introduction about myself. I've had experience to some degree regarding psychedelics and other mind altering substances. Never ever had a great deal of a problem when it comes to bad trips.

I don't know how to explain myself... I'll try to.

Lately I began the journey of getting into the DMT realm. I made my own extractions and finally ended up with some spice. First extractions were not successful because some solvent purity issues, which I already overcame. First trials trip pin were not that much of a success.

Anyway... began with no digital scale (already obtained a .001 precision, suggestion took from the reading made on this forum). First successful doses were eye-measured. Been trippin with someone else. My first "strong" trip was from the first pull of an STB tek with MHRB which yielded about a 1.5% using Heptane as the solvent (Bad quality naphtha where I live and not for sale at hardware stores). Got a bubbler and somehow adapted it with another pipe (all glass) to fit the steel mesh, so it's like a bubbler machine.

I just want to go straight to the trip content because I've been so confused and don't know where else I could get some answers. As I stated earlier, my first "real trip" was a really strong one. I was totally blew away. It wasn't a really pleasurable experience. Fear dominated me the whole time and I even got to think the substance just wanted to show me I do need to be a little bit more careful and respect in mind at all times. Everything began with a morphing kaleidoscopic pattern accompanied by a liquid-crystally (I don't know how to explain) metallic taste in my mouth. (Mesh properly "cured", freeze-evaporated used to obtain spice, left it for a while so no solvent remained). Anyhow, everything seemed to dissolve in a spiral-ish way. One of the main problems regarding experiences is not retaining all of the information or patterns seen (suggestions accepted, been thinking it could have been due to some regular cannabis consumption but not sure how much it could affect).

To make the story short, during this first "strong" experience I think it may have been a breakthrough. It's been to day the most intense session. Fear kicked in and invaded everything. Thoughts of never coming back where present. It was such a sad feeling of isolation in a really bright and white "room". Felt the presence of some close family members as if they were looking a loonie and disappointed/sad. Honestly, felt like crap. It all ended up and was panicked, but somehow made up my mind it was just an incorrect dosage which was not prepared for.

Later on, some more experiences though never really a breakthrough like that, if I could call it a breakthrough.

Never had contact with entities, is as if my mind is blocking the whole experience and I can feel and see in the present moment, but once the experience is over not much is retained. Lately had been having more of a "sensorial" trips where not much visual patterns are observed, but overflood with sensation and emotions.

Just yesterday, loaded up 30 mg on the device, proceeded to vaporize it up, and this time, again, not much visual patterns were observed. Instead, it seemed like the experience took the ride of the first "bad trip". Felt so completely alone, isolated, and it was of such intensity that could not think clearly as if you knew it was just the influence of some endogenous stimulus. Could not think clearly, panic arise again.

Don't know what is going on. Have had previous experience with psychedelics (LSD mainly). Recently cut out the cannabis consumption to see if it was related with the memory retention thing, but no luck, although the main concern is the previous stuff just mentioned, the panic thing.

Just came to mind I've never ever been completely satisfied when I'm by myself, except when tired as hell and you just don't think much. Always thought I've had some sort of blockage regarding spiritual material. Anyone of You ever felt the same? Don't know what is going on.

I feel like this few experiences had helped with addiction personality issued, but I'm so confused. I don't know what to do nor how to explain myself a little better. Need some guidance. Hope this is not boring for y'all to read up. I just can't talk to anyone I know in real life about this because I know noone I could.

Any advice is welcomed. Don't know if this could be considered a "welcome" essay, but somehow it is for me. If any rule is being violated let me know so there is no issue. Thanks in advance...

Hi Ascii,

First, Welcome to the Nexus and to the wonderfully weird world of DMT.

On to your experience and issues.

Unmeasured/eyeballed doses can pack a punch that is unexpected. This definitely could of caused the unpleasant experience. Especially since it was your first time.

Measure your doses, start low and work your way up slowly.

I often get the same sensation of tasting metal in my mouth, I don't think it has anything to do with the scrubber in your pipe. I don't have a explanation for it but think its mental, like a type of synesthesia. I also often get the "spiral out" effect before breakthrough.


Are you giving attention to set and setting before you partake? Paying special attention to your state of mind, physical environment, feelings etc?

Maybe try mediation, yoga or breath work before. Something to put you in a different state of mind. If you put more positive energy in, more than likely DMT will give more in return.

The fear and panic is normal and is a part of the experience, you have to learn to deal with it,overcome it or embrace it. IMO it is one of the great lessons that DMT teaches.

Keep working with it, over time the experience is likely to change. So keep that in mind.

Good luck

Welcome

As you found out, a deep DMT experience blows away anything and everything that you can or could possibly conceive. The ineffable nature is hard to deal with for many, as many will try to box it in some sort of framework/levels/modalities/etc. These things just dissolve in the face of such enormity.

As you found out it seems, with an intense experience, it can come on hard n' fast, coursing through you, slicing through you at the deepest level, building and buildinggg and bulddddingggg in intensity/complexity, and when you think "o man, hopefully this stops soon" - it just keeps building in intensity. Drowning in the ineffable infinity. This is tough to get used to, because any little thought/microthought..no matter how transient or small, can throw the experience into much heavier/darker places. These places are as much a part of you as the light. But they are all encompassed by THAT. It all rests in THAT...

Learning this over time and being able to keep your mind completely still prior/during/post is completely doable, but like any pattern we find ourselves in over time - takes much practice with an honest intent. Id suggest working some pranayama, simple breath meditation, walks/hikes out in nature, simple yoga postures, or all three.

These practices have been around for thousands of years, and for good reason - they work. They don't produce immediate results, but like with anything great - they take devout practice and time, and eventually, they will work themselves into your being/life and they will DEFINITELY transfer over into your DMT experiences.

Just remember...this experience....it is a direct reflection, and it works with what you give it - nothing more, nothing less. <3

Thanks for your response. I did not had a scale at the moment of my first strong tip, and set and setting probably wasn't the best, although was in a private comfortable place with no distractions but the music i had chosen. When I had my second strong trip i already had a mg scale, dose was way lower (recall it was about 20-25 mg at most), it was late in the night with my friend at home, no distractions, dimmed lights, in that moment I used to do a little personal thinking and tell myself everything is going to be fine, and it did helped a little with the pre-flight anxiety, but honestly, although it was not the strongest dose i've had, it was the trip I felt with less control.

About the yoga and meditation, about to try it.

It's just something I feel I can't control (and I'm supposed I don't have to) but sometimes just can't enjoy the experience due the intensity of this feelings. I'm going my way with lower dosage now and been doing spice each time less and less, but anyway, I guess the best I could do at the moment is to try with yoga and simple breath meditation to gain a little bit more control over myself.

Guess I should try the simple breath meditation along with the yoga, it's just I have never been successful with meditation... but am still willing to try.
It's just these two times I felt completely isolated and in some way like I would never get out of that place, and I was conscious about it but i couldn't choose what my thoughts were, so I couldn't really "guide" me into a more positive state of mind. Maybe I'm just thinking too much and it's been a bad gamble cause I've had some interesting experiences too. It's just the strong ones were, well... not like my friend ones which are more directed to the "enjoyable" side.