Sooo..
After researching this amazing library that you all create here and studying the whys and hows for months SWIM reports the following and then asks a question(not native english speaker):
"Yesterday at 12pm 8gr of Mimosa Hostilis powder were brewed together with 3gr of Syrian Rue powder, juice of 1 lemon and 0.5gr vitamin C. It was simmered three times for 20 min, each time the mixture was filtered and eventually combined together and evaporated to a drinkable amount. A teaspoon of gelatin powder collected the tannins very nicely and the mixture was filtered once again an let cool down.
The house was cleaned, cooled to a pleasant temperature, shower taken, comfortable clothes put on. Last time the Iphone clock was looked on with the intention to see time was at 14:38. No one else in the house. The house is very well lit, dominant color is white. Comfortable position was achieved on the carpet with some blankets and towels nearby, the nose was closed so as not to smell the brew and it was drank within seconds.
Next I lied on the carpet with one of the Seth's books. No nausea, no pains, no cramps, only some mild bubbling sensation in the stomach and later in the duodenum area. After what seemed like twenty minutes the book made no sense and the ceiling appeared wavy. Very very gradually the waves started forming swirling patterns with rainbows glowing in each little dancing square. Closed eyes produced the same effect but on black background. Concept of time dissolved. A lamp on the ceiling was commanding the kaleidoscope to expand and contract. When I put my arm up it was glowing gold, breathing and dancing as the lamp and the ceiling. No body sensation. When I looked to the side the objects on the shelve were shining so brightly that it was almost unbearable. The edges seemed rounded and soft and there was no perception of depth, like if everything was two dimensional. Nothing spiritual yet, just visuals.
At some point I got up with intention to drink water and couldn't stand up straight because everything was moving in glowing illuminating light that is impossible to explain. Hundreds of times more vivid than on mushrooms. Everything seemed fun but then... The concepts started to crawl in. First question was: "What's happening?" When there was no answer it scared a bit. Then tens of different concepts rushing in and total helplessness to operate them. Each one would add fear until I was in total panic. I vaguely remembered that it wasn't like this always and that I drank something. My head was totally overloaded with tasks like a bad computer and every new task would make it more stuck and confused. The energy was all in the upper chakras, I would say only in the third eye and the crown, which were overloaded with visuals.
The main question was if I did it to myself, which was kind of reassuring because there was some realization that if it was me then there must be good in it because I don't mean myself bad. Grabbing with the last bits of my mind the concept of needing help I could take my phone and dial a very close person who happens to also be my husband. His phone was closed and the next closest one, although unable to come physically, was available. I heard myself crying so hard begging him to make it stop. I was spitting mucus and saliva and whimpering like a child, totally lost in the terror of being trapped there. But the stopping thing was not soothing cause to comprehend the "stopping" an understanding of time is needed and there was none. It came to me that the times I was crying this hard were when I was a child, having no concept of time and having no idea of emotions and experiences seizing and feeling that that current bad is the only state there is.
I ran to the shower(no idea how I knew not to take the phone with me under water) but the touch of the water on my body was so overwhelming that I sprang out of there and ran to the bedroom. It also didn't feel right and I jumped out of it. The trip switched to another direction when I somehow found a shirt and put it on. 50% of the fear disappeared as soon as he shirt gave form to my body. I fell down on the carpet and the warmth of the blankets ran through me with orgasmic sensation.
Fortunately the person on the phone is an experienced tripper and could say all the right things and provide me with some clues and options. I was crying rivers and telling him that I don't understand what's happening and he would say that I don't have to
I would say that it's all so sad and he would say "yes it is". Not negating me was so soothing. It felt like eternity but the scary part took in reality not more than 20 min of 4hr trip (as was later evident by the times I dialed the phone)
Then the spiritual part started to kick in and images of people and the main impression was that everyone is so afraid. Afraid of not being accepted, not being loved and thus not letting themselves love. Images of sour faces and understanding that all they want is acceptance of what they are and being so sorry for them and myself for the times we let ourselves believe the total lie of not being worthy of the only thing that breathes through everything which is immense throbbing love. Everything unwholesome in my life was exaggerated and put in front of me and I couldn't help but face it. Everything wholesome was exaggerated and thrown in front of me for my appreciation. I couldn't ignore anymore. And I was led to know that it is all good. That unwholesome is wholesome in it's own perfect way. And that I don't have to...nothing.
Eventually I lied down on the carpet under a blanket for another half of the trip, crying silently and reaching out to the person, who so kindly stayed on the phone more than three hours soothing me, singing and playing some heavenly music. I was forgetting to breathe and when I remembered, the breaths would fill my whole body. I moved my fingers and the sensation was heavenly. I was swallowed back and forth into love and into something opposite to finally be spitted out into total, calm and simple love again.
The visuals started to wear off gradually and I landed in such a simple and loving environment, it seemed so easy to operate in it. When I was able to get up and look at the clock it read 18:27. As to me it could all take just 15 minutes
"
So to those who were able to bear with SWIM's story, she thanks you all for your amazing teachings and sharings. The question that she has now is about the brew and the vomiting. As much as she understands, vomiting is essential for the proper effect and she's thinking maybe the panic stage came because she didn't vomit and actually digested the stuff that was supposed to come out?
Thank you