15, freshly-picked liberty caps, friends turn to rainbows, love for one another, all is one, high school, return to ego, Tales of a Shaman's Apprentice, sacred rain forests, brother passes, Amazanga dream Shaman (visiting to raise awareness of the worshippers of oil and money attempting to take their ancestral lands) , Dream Shaman Rituals, Brother's Spirit restless, Serious Dream Shaman Ritual, Dream Man took brother from the "dark cloud that stings eyes" he is now jumping from cloud to cloud with his crew, Guayusa, realization of dark cloud in me, searching, working, looking for anything to help: therapy, meditation, exploring, tattoo, funny- weird tattoo artist, Lady Aya,
attempted to cook myself and obviously didn't do it right because I drank it and went to sleep (mimosa reduction with Syrian rue chillin in belly already). Took it as a sign that it wasn't meant to be. But wait! Funny-weird tattoo man strikes again!
So here I am and I think that it is important for me to say it is comforting to know there is a space here that I feel comfortable sharing my journeys with. I feel that way because of the language and emotions I subsequently feel while exploring the DMT Nexus. May I also say that it is a testament to the energy of DMT and our consciousness that a place as open, respectful and loving as this even exists.

The decision to end my habits of projecting my negative experiences from growing up ( and in past lives?) on the ones closest to me led me to the point of having a incense burner with a little DMT crystal in my hand.
Intention always: gain insight into holding love in my heart and "letting go" of that which is not beautiful.

1. With wife next to me in bed, took one good hit and felt like i should feel that space. i Felt it: a lot like psilocybin: acute vision. Sense there is something else with me. Different in that it felt sharper rather than fluid. Eyes opened,Focused point in wall, "there is a door way, here it is." I wiped my feet on the door mat.
Gift:
reminder of the All One, I am knocking at the door of a sacred space. Afterglow of happiness. I have enters a university and I need to learn from the first lesson I order to be ready for the next.
Behavioral observations:
reduced frustration over all. Situations that I know would have triggered me to anger before smoking DMT are now flowing by me like a rock in a stream.
Two days later...

2. In bed by myself, just got in argument with wife for criticizing her, felt urge to smoke, took one good hit and went back to the same space except this time it was not the All One theme, But a Duality theme. Two separate energy rings flowing into a singularity. Feeling of love and contentment.
Gift:
I am a child of love and light, I must love myself so that I can share my love.
Behavioral Observations:
The patience for situations that would have angered me still remains, but more so. I see love in myself and all others, mind you this is not all the time, but enough where I can say anecdotally there has been an energy of love that is making it's way through my hard drive and reprogramming me. I have a problem of being critical of my wife( easiest to hurt the ones you love the most, hurting yourself, love the ones you love the most and love yourself) , that behavior reduced exponentially since beginning the journey. In fact, that was the only instance that week I had where I was being critical. To be fair I was seeing a therapist who was helping me, The DMT magnifies the intention and makes my actions and thoughts feel real or tangible.
Homework:
give love to all your children, wife and friends. In fact, give it to Everything!

3. Sitting on comfy chair. Took one good hit and got to the front door, OK now let's knock. Took second hit and I heard electricity running through my head down to my feet. Eyes closed and I encountered what I am guessing what we call the chrysanthemum. Colorful Geometric Aztec puzzle disc perpetually shape shifting with a fu-dog looking face in the middle. Then I felt a female energy envelope me. The feeling of being embraced was erotic and warm. At that point I could have played in that love energy for eternity but my empathetic self had to get in the way and ask the question: If this love exists(which it does), then why is there so much wrong with the world? Why would anyone feel the need to destroy that which is beautiful. At that moment I felt like a satellite was shooting all this negative data into my head, I saw an octopus entity with all this killing paraphernalia and missiles energy going into the entity. It didn't feel all that good, I could explore it more, go deeper, no, I just hung on there for a bit and decided to leave. I said good by to what I can only deduce from my paradigm is Lady Gaia, who is always there guiding me. Does she not make you feel like warm water?
Gift: there is love in the world and there is hate in the world: it as not good or bad, it is energy that we as humans choose to harness. These energies and the many manifestations of Duality are not meant to be seen as right or wrong, but as a choice. What energy do you want to manifest at this moment? That is our challenge, to hold our energy in a perpetual state of beauty and love, if that is your calling.others have their place in keeping the balance. Accept there will be that which you find undesirable, that is not your concern.
behavioral observations:
Feeling of empowerment in my life. I have the magical ability( like all of us) to change the energy in your environment with our thoughts, body language and words. I feel myself lifting up spirits in all aspects of life and it feels good.
[homework
I was told to help out with chores and continue to make our home a sacred space. while I am writing this I am realizing that I am being guided to make changes from the inside and now to my home, outside.

3. Sitting on my couch, loaded two rocks and began to vape. took the first hit and it was good, made it to the door mat, second hit for some reason a blew out way too soon. Third hit was a doozy. The electricity came In and shot me to the chrysanthemum. Now that I've gone through the all one level, duality level, co-creator level I felt like I was ready to just experience. No questions just do what you were taught, Love All. I went deeper into the chrysanthemum and came out into a space with a tentacle entity. It was like a brittle star but smooth like an octopus with many tentacle waving about in all directions and in all colors changing like a cuttlefish. It is a living universe. There was am energy shooting into it from the top and bottom and it was the same principle of the last journey but this time I was a god looking at the universe from the outside. I began to play with the dual energies. Gently allowing one side to outweigh the other and vice-versa. I played the "game" for a while and I realized the purpose was to balance the two energies, as I began to balance the energies I heard entities talking to each other about me. " is that him? " "yes" . I held on to the balance and begun to be tractor-beamed into it's center deeper and deeper. A sense of the source. I feel the entities still there observing me. The source visually was all shiny with squares and rectangles of indescribable shimmering colors. I go the sense I was going to a place that once I decided to go, I couldn't go back. I decided I wanted to stay here on earth and at the exact time I decide to leave and open my eyes the entities tell me I am a bodhisattva. At that threshold where you deny or accept, I accepted
Gift: we are all Bodhisattva if we choose. We are love manifest. Create it.
Homework: continue exploring and make a water catchment system.