So this happened around 2 or 3 months ago and there's been several times that I've starting writing this experience report just to stop midway through realising that there's still a lot left from the experience for me to comprehend and in turn integrate. I feel I'm finally getting near the end of the main part of the integration process although I'm sure that there'll be insights for years to come from this particular experience.
It was a saturday morning and normally I'd do some work on the allotment which I share with 2 friends and somehow I thought that it'd be a good to drink a 4g rue tea and smoke dmt before meeting them as I'd woken up early and I'd had the rue tea prepared since last night as I had planned to do it then but I was too tired and fell asleep.
The experience:
I'm just going to say now that getting things in chronological order and which experience belonged to which trip is very difficult for me as time lost meaning, it went forward it wen backwards and stretched out in all directions.
I had previously had a breakthrough by smoking 3 seperate bowls of changa and had an incredibly positive experience full of cheer and celebration so I thought I'd do the same this time but instead I ended up smoking 4 0.05g bowls of 1:1 changa which was extremely tricky as I kept losing track of what I was doing. as I cleared the last bowl I lay back I was blasted away so hard that I blacked out and as I came back I was birthed back in through the top of my head having the sense that something truly incredibly had just happened and I continued to lie there and I made contact with an entity that was showing me something. I felt very disconnected from myself and I felt like I didn't really have control over myself as I started to connect with this entity and while it was communicating through telepathy and visually I seemed to try and snatch whatever this entity was conjuring up (in hindsight I believe I tried to take this information back with me) and the entity retracted and seemed upset that I had attempted to do so and this upset my greatly. I had been lying on my right side and I rolled over onto my back and started crying deeply thinking about how I only take in life and I don't give back. I then rolled over to my left side and was now seeing a new vision which started to calm me. What was interesting here was when I then rolled back on to my back I re entered the vision which was causing me to think about how I have been selfish but this time armed with what I had learned from the vision and then in turn I rolled over to my right side again and here I re entered the vision where I had been connecting with this entity and I felt forgiveness from it. From here I came back down and I lay in bed a few minutes thinking.
From here I decided that I would just do a single bowl of 0.1g 1:1 changa which was made from very clean dmt. After I smoked another bowl and this time I found myself viewing the tree of life which was an entity from itself and I was watching it as it ripped souls out from the dead with it's roots and passed them around itself and fed it into it's branches where they in turn fruited back into life. I was completely amazed by what I was seeing but I was also very on edge as I physically felt like I was losing my boundries, instead of being human shaped I was now some polygon with its edges endlessly morphing and stretching outwards. As I was struggling with this the vision changed the three trees in a diagonal row and the lighting changed to a very warm green glow and a sense of peace washed over me and I lay there admiring the trees and I could hear birds singing outside. Now I live in a caravan at a camping lot out in the woods and there'd normally be a fair bit of noise outside but it was early and everyone was sleeping but I suddenly hear a bang and this brought me out of my trip and really set me off. I believed it to be my 2 friends who I also work with and I knew that I was in no state to interract with them and I just felt the utmost terror and that I was going to snap because of it, I was pulling at my hair and writhing just didn't know what to do with myself so I went and checked what the time was and it was 7:00 and I knew that they wouldn't be here so early which calmed me down a bit but it was already too late. It had brought a lot of problems up to the forefront.
I used to live a very self destructive life, I'm covered in scars from this behaviour but I had moved on for the last year atleast and had lived a normal life for the year before that too. but this experience had brought a lot of these things back to the forefront. I had thought that I had solved these issues but here they were again and I already felt strong impulses for this behaviour. I thought to myself I better call it a day with the dmt, it was stupid of me to trip when I had things to do that day but I changed my mind.
I decided that I'd smoke again as I didn't want to end feeling so bad and I thought about my 2 friends randomly showing up this early and knocking without any phonecall or prior arrangement and thought that would be a disrespect that I would never show them so if they did turn up I would pretend to not be home.
now from here things became very messy mentally but I'm thankful that I did what I did. I entered a pattern where I would smoke and as soon as I came down enough I would put on music till I would smoke again. There was a lot of individual visions but some I never managed to take meaning from so I will only mention the ones which I did
After the first time I smoked during this pattern I came down and put on a darkpsy album and I started crying and crying repeating in my head I want to die, I want to die, I hate myself. Each time I would come down I would think to myself that I need to resume my punishment and would smoke again and enter the same state. It was here that I realised that I had just swept my old problems under the rug and had never really done anything about them. I started delving deeper and deeper into my being and as I did so I saw these long crystalline thread like structures which I had built within myself to create the person I am today and among these structures I also noticed very negative ones. I kept going deeper and deeper into myself until I reached point 0. There was no me. I had reached the very core of our existance and from there could see into my being but it was no longer me? I could see these structures from a distance and I decided I would destroy some of them to rid that being of laziness, obsession over control, hate, and other bad habits and then I re entered.
Now this was truly like being born again, I started exploring my vocal range and in what ways I could move my body, I started chewing on the sheets to my duvet - I had become a baby again, I had stripped myself of all of my experience and I could feel how it was rapidly coming back to me. When all of it had come back I sat up and I felt this distinct seperation between body, mind, soul and how they connected to each other and in turn to the universe. when I would think, I would have the choice of thinking within my own mind or I could go above that mind and think in the universal mind. I saw how our pineal was our physical connection to our soul and I felt it was the utmost importance that I do what I can to insure it is in good health.
I was just overwhelmingly happy, I truly felt cleansed and humbled by what I had just learned. I still can't even begin to describe what went on and I must've smoked around 500mg of dmt throughout that session. I haven't smoked dmt since although I'm starting to feel the calling. Would love to hear others thoughts on it as I could do with more food for thought. Thank you all for the work you do to make it possible for people to experience what I experienced, I truly love you all.