I watched this one minute you tube clip, which I heard about on Joe Rogan's podcast: it a clip of the sentencing or trial, don't know which, from the BTK Killer (Bind, Torture, Kill), a serial killer.

At the trail, family of his victims get the chance to vent their rage at the killer . . . . . But one man forgives him.

This is a very touching clip, only 60 seconds long, http://youtu.be/QWGkKN0VnkI


So, my question to you lovely creatures: Would you offer forgiveness to someone who tortured and murdered your child?

I offer my answer: I would forgive. Easy for me to say, not being one if his victims, yes? But, my mother was murdered in front of me, my sister, and my brother (I was six). As far as I know the man who killed her was never found, but my mother was a homeless drug addicted prostitute, so I doubt the man was searched for very hard.

I have forgiven my mother's murderer. I only wish I could do it in person.

Wow...

I don't even know how to respond to this...

forgiveness is truly powerful beyond words

it sets you free of the nightmares of the past, well maybe not you but me for sure

Bitterness and anger killed my brother, forgiveness set me free.

The weak cannot forgive, forgiveness is a tool of the strong!

Forgiveness truly holds power.

I resented myself for 10 years because of reasons that everyone else had let go. I was really disappointed in myself and that disappointment only took me lower.

I read the quote: Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

That quote sunk in. I was burdening myself with something that only existed in my mind. I came to the realization that if I forgave myself, I would be free.

It took a little effort and help from some friends, but we changed my world.

I left the miserable person behind and was reborn. Since then I've been able to forgive others that I held grudges against.

I'd like to think I'd forgive a murderer. I can't promise that it would be easy or that it would happen quickly. But it is doable

That would be tough. I've got a forgiveness story that seems lame next to the BTK one. But I get it. A grudge is a burden.

So this was an artist who worked at my tattoo studio in Chicago a couple decades back... We became pretty tight over the course of that year... Traveled together, shared a lot of weed, tripped together a couple times. Through all this, something didn't feel quite right. People started warning me. So when I finally discovered all the betrayals it wasn't much of a surprise but I was still very hurt. The big shock was trying to imagine the mindset of a person capable of this sort of wanton unfairness. And I dwelled on it: especially when I was alone, walking home from work or riding my bike, I'd be having conversations in my head with this person. It was like having some tiresome song stuck in your head for over a year.

Eventually those inner conversations gradually started taking on a more reconciliatory tone; cautious at first, partial, and then finally complete and unconditional. I had to get there step by step, one tedious inner conversation at a time. There's not been an opportunity for the forgiveness to happen in person, but at this point I think that would be almost incidental- the inner aspect was the important part. But yeah, a grudge is a burden, period. It doesn't matter if the other person deserves your black cloud or not- carrying it around sucks. I love that quote about it being like eating poison and waiting for the other person to die. I plan on using that. Hopefully if I were confronted with a similar situation nowadays the process could unfold a lot quicker.

Yes, that quote about taking poison and waiting for the other to die is a good one. Memorable, and makes me reflect on my own grudges and resentments that I am carrying around these days. Impetous for change.

Could I, would I, forgive a killer? I have in my heart, tho the opportunity for face to face never came to be. Is agreeing to recommend parole a form of forgiveness? I kind of think it is.

But to the OP's specific question; offering forgiveness to someone who had tortured and murdered your child - that, I don't know. I think I would be carrying a pretty big load of resentment/guilt towards myself for having allowed/not prevented/not sufficiently protected or educated my child...

Within this context, I believe you'd have to be able to forgive yourself first to be able to see the value, benefit in eventually forgiving the perpetrator.

So starts a new healing process- forgive myself first... hmm.

Hat off to you.

Forgiveness is a very natural ability for some people; for others not. In either case, it is a process in where the more you work with it, the more easily it can be managed. Not against it, but with it. I think an important point to raise is that our society abides by the notion that you have to remember everything. Your schedule, your plans, your expectations, your memories, your payments, your personality and so forth and so on. Memory has become this tumor-growth on which our culture depends on. Yet the brain and heart are made up of so much more organic matter to perceive and learn from.

In truth though, it is okay to forget. Even mistakes and everything else. It happens spontaneously. That is one way in which how the brain functions, learns and experiences life. By recalling some activities and forgetting others. It's not an insult to forget because it is a natural phenomena of the human brain. The next instance you forget something, simply laugh and do whatever you need to do to move forward. Sometimes everything will come back at the perfect moment in time because learning can take place anywhere!

We also connect the idea that if you forget you aren't learning correctly. Yet it takes forgetting to understand forgiveness. Not just to one-self, but to others. Let yourself forget and be open to the moment at hand. Apologizing is good if it is necessary, but sometimes we forget to apologize or un-acknowledge what has been already done, so do be careful and do what is right in your heart.

Forgiveness takes not only courage, but understanding and forgetting that life itself is seriously not that serious. Let life take its conscious flow. Your subconscious memory will take care of the rest.