Last night was my first pharmausca experience. I was still feeling a lot of anxiety over breakthrough experiences and last night was no different. I had acquired full spectrum syrian rue extract in the prior week and had a night to myself. I had read though the pharmauasca forum and most if not all the posts in that area. I worried about a misfire and the timing of when to take the MAOI and Spice. I had no idea what this experience would be like. I had one breakthrough experience with vaped DMT and several sub-breakthrough sessions. I didn't really want a full breakthough here. I just wanted to dip another toe in the water. I wanted to build confidence and a sense of exploration and security. I had no idea how much I needed for any type of effect and was rather concerned I would accidentally over do it.

The numbers and method:
22mg yellow spice
200mg full spectrum syrian rue extract

I also took 2 lemon balm capsules and brewed some ginger chamomile tea to help with any potential stomach issues.

I dissolved these two substances together in about 1/2 a shot glass of lemon juice. I had to stir for a while to get it to all dissolve. This process took about 10-15 min. Once it dissolved I transferred the shot into a half full glass of pure OJ.

I had eaten lightly and normally the day of. I'm a bit hypoglycemic and fasting is not a good idea for me. It had been about 4 hours since I'd eaten anything so my stomach was relatively empty.

Copious amounts of THC were administered throughout the evening.

t-0 drink the juice, a bitter taste. Intent: Create a positive experience that will inspire me to further, deeper exploration. Learn how I react to this new ROI. Build confidence and security.

I felt the effects very quickly. Within 5-10 minutes I could tell something was happening. "OK", I thought. "This is NOT a misfire..."

I headed out into my home theater, a room lined with black sound absorbing blankets containing the reference speaker setup I enjoy so much. I put on a movie to pass the time and distract myself while it kicked in and "tried" to settle my dogs.

My dogs. This was the challenge through the first two hours of this experience. I have two VERY large (on 200lbs one 150lbs) dogs. The bigger dog is a bit anxious. This translated into having a giant panting dog constantly pushing me for attention. Normally he will settle down after an hour or so but this evening he just wouldn't relax and I spent the whole first part of the trip trying to deal with him.

t-2hrs
The pharma had worked. Mild CEV. Different head space. I was familiar with the sensation of MAO Inhibition and this was more than that, not a lot more but something. The edges hyperspace were tickling my consciousness. All very mild and easy. My own anxiety was fading quickly. I was handling this dose with no problems.

At this point the pharma was starting to wear off. I could still feel it but the intensity was definitely reducing. I was expecting a 5 or so hour session and it turns out this was more of a 3 hour deal. I considered and rejected re-dosing and decided to use the GVG to go deeper.

At this point I had become very frustrated with the still pushy panting giant dog. I knew I shouldn't be blasting off while this was going on and was feeling trapped by it. I didn't want to confine them to their room as it would only increase his anxiety. In the end however I did. I needed to create a good space to continue and he was in the way. I'm still processing the symbology in managing the dog's anxiety and I can at some level relate it to my own worries about these experience. Putting him away was, in a sense, related to me taking charge of my own fears and setting them aside. Lesson learned though, unfortunately my dogs and I do not make compatible trip companions. Too bad.

Dogs got locked up. I put a nice lossless copy of Nora Jones on and piped it through the sound system in a nice musical surround mode. Exquisite sound filled the room. I do love her voice. I turned it up enough to cover the now whining dog in the back room.

I had 2 ceramic discs loaded with 10mg white spice each. I made a deal with myself not to take them all at once. I was looking to explore the boundary of breakthrough and not necessarily go all in. I wanted to nudge up against this gradually.

Deep breaths, strong drink of water, exhale, raise the glass, torch, inhale, woah... there... not too much... set the pipe down.

The fade out here was nice. I do love the effects of the MAOI on the vaped spice experience. No crazy hard and fast rush. I faded into the black and white CEV background. These were edged or tinged with a deep full spectrum of color. Like the pattern a prism makes or a rainbow but flickering and dancing. I watched these for a while. As I faded back in I reached for the GVG and took the rest of that ceramic disc.

This pushed me farther as I faded back out again. B&W CEVs gave way to more intricate patterns. These took on more "defined structure" always changing, and morphing. Geometries and fractal patterns that fade into tinyness. Rich in color and form that continuously morphed into new forms. I had time in this space to ask... what was I looking at here? I spent the majority of this trip gazing into these forms and wondering what they are.

At some point I loaded another 2 10mg or so ceramic discs. I can't completely account for the sequence of events but it's worth noting that I consumed 2 more of these doses, again piecemeal and not all at once. I was also vaping THC oil during this period. This was combined with a second smaller 60mg dose of rue extract.

At some point I believe I had a couple of small breakthroughs. At one time I was looking at a signpost of sorts. This is hard to describe but it was something like an old fashioned road sign with arrows (kinda) pointing off into different areas. Only this thing was somewhat made of eyes and self aware. I got the sense of a presence here that was powerful and intense. It was set in an environment of rich color.

At another point I had a brief boisterous telepathic only contact that told me to "Take the rest of that hit right now!". I did as I was asked.

At some point I realized I had a menu of sorts to choose from. There were different "channels" I could tune in too. Relationship processing was available on one station. There were others. I believe I choose to better understand the means by which we create our reality. I want to be a "creator" you see.

Creators. This concept comes from the material I've been immersed in. Becoming a creator is a line of development that focus on the ability to create across all realities. We all create our individual and shared reality in this plane. This goes beyond that in ways I just don't have a grasp on at this time. I just know that such a line of development exists and it calls to me.

This brought me back to viewing the ever changing geometries. I now understood what I was looking at. This was the raw stuff of consciousness. This was my raw material of creation. This was the building blocks that reality is formed from. Primal thought continuously trying to expresses itself in form. So can I create with it?

Do I have tools? If I'm working with metal or wood in my physical reality I need tools to do it. What about this situation? I then got a sense of a tool box of sorts. It was also made of this geometrical stuff but I could somewhat form it into something. I looked into the toolbox and formed a funnel or point of sorts that itself disappeared into fractal tinyness. I was just experimenting with this tentatively but I knew I had made something from this stuff. Cool. I have no idea what to do with it or what it's for. I get the impression that it's really up to me. It would take a certain mental discipline to really manipulate in this environment and I have so much to learn. I think I just got a quick intro lesson.

Late in the evening I loaded up a 20mg disc. I wasn't done yet and wanted more. Again I did not take it all at once. The first hit came on very differently from the rest of the evening. My consciousness was sliding in a different direction. I was somewhat "saturated" with DMT at this time. There was a warning here of sorts that this path wasn't necessarily going to be easy. I was curious and ok with moving forward. I took another decent pull on the GVG.

This launched me deep into that before mentioned relationship processing channel. This was an intensely emotional "thought only" place where I did a lot of work with my GF. Lots of intense tears here but while that was happening I had a strong positive sense that this was all a good thing and that I was working out some issues that needed to be dealt with.

I took one more smallish pull to clear the disc completely and lay back with my thoughts somewhat drifting in and out freely. It was 2:50AM when I felt hungry and got up for a snack. This had all started at 7PM.

Thanks for listening.

--Guildnav