My first ayahuasca journey
A trusted friend was willing to share some brew with me that is similar to ayahuasca. I had the opportunity to sample the solution on a Sunday afternoon, and here is my record of the journey.
1:47 took maoi (rue caps 3.5g)
2:47 ingested brew (rinsed mouth with Dr Pepper, shot the brew, then rinsed again with Dr Pepper)
The next hour was a waiting game, I fully expected to purge just from the smell of the brew but had no trouble holding it down initially.
I had prepared the setting with a very dark room (although it was daytime) with a ‘den’ of things that I needed for the journey. Water, a singing bowl, incense, comforters on the floor and a black light I could turn on and off as needed. I was meditating, laying on my back and doing OMs. This is something I’ve done frequently while shrooming, so I was comfortable with this during the ‘come up’ phase.
Within 20 minutes I was definitely feeling a heavy body intoxication and also some visual sensations. I remember lying on my side on the floor much of the time, and the brown comforter I was on had a translucent ‘unicorn horn’ coloring to it, it reminded me of a wing of some sort, shimmering and beautiful.
I was doing my version of meditation, just a low OM on my back that vibrates my whole being. These OMs felt different, like I was going to vibrate myself to levitate off the floor when I found the frequency. It was a little scary at first, but I embraced it and pushed air as best I could.
There was some pacing and regrouping for warmth at around 30-40 minutes; I didn’t dress for the event like I should have and needed more clothes, blankets, and a space heater. I checked out the real world a bit and saw the snow and cold that was blinding out my basement door. I couldn’t imaging going outside, I could barely walk…….sat near the door and stared into a garbage can for a while, willing myself to puke………but it wasn’t coming yet.
Back in my den, I mentally panicked about being home alone, and finding myself going to my comfort position (flat on my back) which would be bad if I was unconscious and throwing up……….this started the conversation I had with my guide.
She was always to the upper right mentally, just outside my field of vision. I called her spirit in my mind. She told me when to move, when to get up, when I was going to be sick. She was amazing and enchanting, and I never saw her. I just felt her presence and love the entire time. As we communicated, she reminded me of the words of my wife, and I heard her voice as if she was standing next to me “take care of this guy”. This became my mental mantra that carried me through the first part of the trip, until I was done with the purge. Spirit told me she found something inside me that shouldn’t be there, and I felt her wrap around it and bring it up and out…….I belched and she told me to go to the door to purge. After I purged (3:46), she told me I could lay on my back now, and it was fine. She reminded me to drink water, and take care of myself. I waited for the fireworks…….meditated some more. Time was moving slowly, and I wasn’t launching but I was having an amazing trip and very happy.
Meditation continued, and I was open-eyed in a pitch black room with my soundtrack going that I had made for this day. As my mind wandered and the OMs were carrying me to a far-away space, I had a thought about my teenage years that I was introduced to in a guided meditation that was not presented as that (Christian church camp experience with a brilliant minister who saw the bigger picture I believe).
“Focus on the spot at the bottom of your breath, when the air isn’t moving in or out. That is where (God/love/eternity) exists”WHAM. The instant this thought entered my mind, there was a blinding flash of light from the upper right corner of my field of vision. It was as if a door that was a billion miles through space away from me opened for a split second, and I was shown the light behind the door. It was pure love, it was indescribable. I asked spirit what that was, and she said something along the lines of ‘you know what that is’. I wanted to see it, to go there, and she assured me I could, if I took the second dose…………I told her I wasn’t ready to do that today and she understood, and I think she agreed with me that it wasn’t time. I told her I would wait until it was warm outside……but wanted to go deeper next time. She’s out there waiting for me I believe……can’t wait to have another chance to look behind that door.
Everything after that moment was wonderful, but still tough to understand and integrate with that having happened. I meditated, checked the time, made mental agreements with myself (going to take care of the dogs at 5:00…….that’s 20 minutes from now) and my soundtrack wound down into something that wasn’t what I needed at that time so I got up. Let my dogs out, observed the real world and had a wonderful phone call with a dear friend to try and share my experience while I was still completely feeling the effects of the medicine.
The next couple hours were a blur. Talked on the phone, laughed a ton and realized I was having serious visuals with all the fixtures in my house dancing around on the ceiling like some kind of nightclub show, watched a Shpongle concert on youtube through the big stereo (I don’t get to turn it up very often). Reflected and talked about my journey with myself, and I was ‘normal’ by 8 pm when the house was no longer empty…..and I was very grateful for my first experience with the spirit molecule.
At the center of this existence, it is everything and nothing, all of us and each of us and none of us. My light is now lit, and it cannot be extinguished.