It's been awhile since I've been active on this board and I'm happy to be back.

It's been awhile since I've vaporized dmt and I'm happy to be back. Sort of.

I'm not really sure how long it's been since my previous dmt use. I took a 2+ year break. I went through a very stressful period a few years ago. My father was diagnosed with cancer and I got to watch chemo wither him away until there was nothing left. My mother had been having issues with dementia, as my father declined, so did she. They had been married for close to 60 years in the end. Now she is in a nursing home, with no idea who I am or who she was. While that was sad at first, it has turned out to be a good thing. She was always a troubled person. A volatile, sad and angry child of an abusive alcoholic. Now, despite being tabula rasa as far as her former identity goes, she is now happy. Helping the staff folding clothes and pushing the wheelchair bound patients around and talking to them. I don't visit anymore. She doesn't know who I am, but knows enough to be pissed at me for putting her in a home (my theory) and after a visit it takes two weeks or more for her to regain equilibrium. She has a new life, essentially. I have to leave her to it.

The parents I am talking about adopted me when I was two years old, but had been caring for me since I was 6 weeks old. My adoptive mother was a distant cousin. I had a brother and a sister. After my biological mother died of an intentional methadone overdose, they went with family, but eventually ended up in foster care. I was the lucky one (not really, but that's a longer story) I met my brother when I was a kid, but we were eventually driven apart by his growing religious mania, My sister was lost in the system. The day after my father died, she called me out of the blue. More stress. Glorious, but stress none the less. I was balancing joy and sorrow. And more sorrow: My sister had been in contact with my brother, up to his death. I had been out of contact with him for more than a decade. I was filled with guilt. He had died by his own hand after a crisis of faith.

Around the same time, my wife lost her job after 25 years in the music industry. Then the boss who had hired her and had become a close friend died.

Then an old, deeply loved friend of mine died suddenly.

Then there was my parents house and affairs that had to be dealt with. Estate sales are stressful. Funeral arrangements are stressful.

At the time when all of this happened, I was on three prescription drugs. Suboxone, which I used to get off of prescription painkillers from a back injury. Cozaar for high blood pressure, and 5mg Diazepam at bedtime as a muscle relaxant for my still painful back. I got off of the suboxone. Nasty stuff. I'm still on the BP medicine. And I've cut the Diazepam back to 1.25mg, with the intention of tapering off. I've also been taking Kratom, which helps with the headaches. I have no psychological attachment to kratom. I don't really like it. Not in the way I liked opiates. Nowhere near.

So, during this stressful time, I smoked dmt several times. 4 or 5 times. Then I smoked some changa a few times. All of this with no adverse effects. I think it helped me to get through a difficult time. The last time I smoked changa, I came back down with a headache. It got worse and worse over the next few weeks until I was spending most of my time in a darkened room. The only thing that would take it away was high doses of opiates. I have a history with opiates, and while it's not a skid row story, it's not a happy one. So I avoided those as much as possible. When it would get to the point where suicide was starting to look like a good option I'd say "screw it!" and get some oxycodone or morphine from a friend, so I could have a day.

I eventually went to a neurologist. CT scan showed no abnormalities. Tried several meds with no luck. finally settled on amitriptyline. Which doesn't really do much, so I'm tapering off of that after a year of taking it. Another reason is that I want to take an Aya or pharma trip and it is a contraindicated drug for MAOI's. I have a feeling that it might be a healing experience.

Five days ago, I decided to vaporize some dmt. I felt the call and it was undeniable. I decided to go for it. I've been using my GVG for cannabis for the last couple years (about 125 mg in the p.m.) because it makes me not care about my headache, which btw is of the tension variety and has become bearable, but omnipresent.

When the headache started I was convinced it was either from the suboxone or from dmt. Or triggered by stress and exacerbated by my last dmt trip. So I took a long break.

The break is over. I loaded up the GVG with 25mg of dmt, reasoning that my nightly use of the GVG with cannabis had honed my technique. I may have been wrong on that point. I got mainly body load and very dim visuals. I went in with the intention of addressing my headache and was clearly told: "Lose the opioid (kratom) lose the headache. The headaches are cleared for now."

Upon returning to baseline I felt fine, but when I turned my head I could hear the joint cracking and grinding, which is always a precursor to a spike in the headache. I turned my head a couple more times, and the grinding stopped. I was headache free for a couple of hours. This is a big deal.
I thought that I should go again, with a higher dose. Maybe my technique is bad. I was hoping for a deeper (and more colorful) trip. I loaded 35mg of dmt onto the pre-warmed scrubber, put it in the GVG, did some deep breathing and prepared for hyperspace.
I got the same thing, but a little more intense. Confused, racing thoughts. Dim visuals of many styles, overlapping each other in a chaotic blur that would make Jackson Pollock proud. These visuals had mass. I could feel them brushing against me. I felt like I was a child again, playing in the coat closet. But this was a hyperspace coat closet that held no answers. Now the headache is back and getting worse.

You all may think I'm a dumb ass, but I want to go again at a higher dosage. I feel that a breakthrough may equal a reboot. I've read accounts of this working for some people. Or maybe I should wait until I'm off of the valium and amitriptyline, and the kratom too. It's difficult to know what to do. It's very difficult to function with a low grade headache that's been with you for years. It's difficult to think.

If any of you have input, I'd appreciate it. Hope someone actually read this long and jumbled account. Thanks if you did.

Hi Niles,

I'm sorry to hear about your very rough period you went through and hoping you recover quickly from it.

I have read your account and I don't understand why you went back in after the dmt told you to quit the kratom and having no headaches for a few hours, which if I understand correctly is some kind of breakthrough for you.

As for going in again, it's your call. Only thing I know is that Kratom should NOT be used if you want to go for an ayahuasca experience.

I wish you strength and courage!

Why did I go back? I'm a hardhead and I'm desperate. I've had a headache for a few years now.
Here's the thing: I don't know what dmt is. I don't know if it is a drug, a technology or an alien intelligence. I don't know if it's a key to alternate universes, or a cosmic joke, perpetrated by prankish teenaged aliens from another galaxy, who just enjoy trolling us by tricking us into logging on to their version of the internet

I do however think that wether it's intelligent or not, that it is patient with me. That was my hope at least when I finished that long rambling post and decided to go for a breakthrough with 37mgs in my gvg. I cranked up my torch lighter, because I though maybe the flame was a little low. I figured that and 10mgs more than my last try might do the trick. And boy was I ever right! I have had deep changa and pure crystal experiences in the past. I've had incredible breakthroughs and OBE's (in one of which I became a 65 year old Vietnamese fisherman). This was transcendent. I had a breakthrough, and then I had a breakthrough within a breakthrough. And even deeper. Complete ego loss. Loving contact with my mother at an age before her dementia. A preview of death. Machines cavorting in lewd displays of geometric impossibility. Alien doctors from beyond space and time working on my brain. More. More. Deeper. Deeper. A salvia like moment in which I became the sink in my friend's bathroom (may he R.I.P. he died last month of systems failure) and then he washed his hands in me as he greeted and comforted me. Deeper and deeper. "I am the cosmos!" I thought, but I didn't exist, and then the thought of the cosmos was puny and miniscule. Laughable. This was so far beyond that.

The comedown was exceedingly long. I was aware that none of my earthly concerns mattered. They were ultimately insignificant. Love is all that matters. My pain from my headaches was a thing of beauty. To be appreciated and cherished, as it gives me perspective on pleasure and relief.
Still coming down, I lay, incorporeal, floating above my bed in anesthetic bliss as my ego slowly reassembled itself. As it did, I remembered my wife and had a vision in which I was hugging her, telling her that there are no words. My face cold from the snow on her jacket (a precognition, it turns out, as this happened exactly as I saw it). Then I thought of my nine year old son and started laughing at the wonder he is. A magical and frighteningly intelligent boy, who is already a very psychedelic thinker. I began to cry and felt the tears running down, over my temples and into my ears, to then be recycled in a loop. Hearing my joy and purging it repeatedly through my tear ducts. I was in awe.

Soon after the looping tears, I opened my eyes. I heard children playing in the snow and the scrape of snow shovels scraping concrete. I smiled, knowing I had been given exactly what I needed. I have a deeper resolve to taper off of all of the substances (eventually including the bp medicine if I can get to a point where I can do it safely) I am currently taking. A deep resolve to get my house in order so I can start a mycology hobby, in order to see if my headaches can be helped in that manner. A deep resolve to start completing the literally hundreds of musical projects that are sitting unfinished on my computer. And more.

I am so grateful to have had such an amazing experience. When I was REALLY deep, I felt that I could stay there forever if I wanted to, but knew it was more important to come back. This was so far beyond anything I could ever imagine, I am blown away.
Thank you for reading my stuff. i love you all.

Niles,

I left a chart of shroom doses in the other thread. If I can help with anything else let me know...

Good luck with everything....welcome back... And I have high faith the shrooms will assist in removing the migraine.

If you spend the next time period focused that they will certainly resolve your migraine issues on a more permanent basis, then I am sure when you actually do shroom, they will.

Faith, my friend is the key to willing your existence.

Seeing is believing.

I'm sorry to hear of your slew of recent difficulties, but am happy to see you back here. Glad too to hear of your ecstatic return to hyperspace.

Mushrooms have been a life-saving tool for me. Dealing with chronic migraines and cluster headaches for years and to finally find the answer was miraculous. Definitely give that mycology hobby a try, it literally saved my life.

Also, thanks for sharing such a deeply personal part of yourself with us. Let all the pain you've experienced be a catalyst for transformation.

I am sorry to hear the hardships you have gone through recently. Remember that everything happens for a reason though, even if its not clear at the time.

However, it seems that you going back to experimenting with these substances has helped. It was beautiful to read how it has helped you and what it has shown you. Take it all in and use it to better yourself, in any way you can. It sounds like you have done this already though and that is very good. I am glad to hear that things such as DMT have helped you in a very positive way.

I hope your future endeavors pay out and make things even easier for you, in regards to the headaches and everything else that has been bothering you in the past. These substances can work wonders.