Yesterday I experienced hyperspace for the first time. I wrote a summery last night on here but lost it when I attempted to copy a link. Here I go again.
My friend provided the lotus and freebase so I'm unsure of details but I believe it was 50 mg taken in one big hit using a normal glass bowl. Having smoked a bit of hash in the past, with my sitters guidance I was able to avoid scorching the hit until the last bit where I pulled through a couple cherries, quickly forgoten into my lungs. Now as for the journey.
I remember the spiraling grid-work synchronistically melding with the Shpongle playing in the background as it began to form the geometric shapes I've read about but could not completely understand. Alex Greys Vajra Being best captures the visuals I witnessed. Next I remember coming back to this place. It felt as though I was laying at my own funeral somewhere but somehow present in the sanctuary I had blasted off from. I wrestled with wanting to live or die, which had a new meaning to me more about existence as a whole than the duality of life and death. I looked over at my sitter who was sitting peacefully with his eyes closed. I felt a brother bond with this new found friend. I felt a new connection, love, and concern for some of the past partners from my life that I had feared hurting should I leave. I knew now how important all of us are. Surrounded by my own beautiful memories captured in my artwork and the microcosms of life seen in nearby pets I chose to exist. I was back...kinda. I don't remember any crysanthanum or entities. I don't remember breaking through.
My sitter asked if I wanted to talk about it and we tried. Still hallucinating a bit, I kept confusing him for a friend or brother that I no longer talk to. I explained what I just shared. I questioned weather somebody had just died (me, my ex, my brother) and that this was life's weird way of explaining it to me, a question he couldn't answer not knowing any of these people but hinted a reincarnation. I shared that I didn't "breakthrough" as I've read about, possibly because of a fear of loneliness I always wrestle with that would have been required to let go of this realm. Once we were both sure I was ok, he left for his own endeavors stating that he may journey when he got home to reflect on what I had shared with him. I went to be with my family not far away, hugging, crying and loving them in a new way. I shared with them what had happened and they were happy for me, my brother/sister is now interested as well and has began his research.
In closing, breaking through or not this was the most profound hallucination/spiritual frighteningly beautiful experience I remember. I was introduced to the short story The Egg by Andy Weir not long back and it best captures what I experienced in laymen's terms. My sitter and I have considered another journey with half the dosage, although I'm not sure if I undershot or overshot my mark last night. Whether I decide to or not, my life has changed for the better with this one experience. I feel it has helped me past an obstacle and began a healing I've wanted my entire life while reminding me of the path we are on.
Love you
Namaste
Satnam