Hi all. About 3 months ago me and a few friends journeyed together on mushrooms and San Pedro.
i've taken mushrooms maybe 10 times before and have about 6 years experience with regular Ayahuasca sessions...
I took 3g (alacabenzi) that night and no SP which is less than I would usually take. During the night joints were passed
around quite often and I smoked whenever it came to me (which I don't usually do after taking mushrooms). about
2 hours in way passed the come-up I started getting a bit worried as I couldn't feel my feet and lower legs at all.
I tried to focus on other things and succeeded for some time. at some stage I felt this intense vibration go through
my body and it felt like deja vu and I realised that that moment was the time I am going to die. I got up and went to
the bathroom to try to throw up...
on the way there I bumped into a friend and told him I think I am dying. He tried to talk
me down for a while but I just went deeper and the bathroom walls felt like it was bending in towards me. My friend and
another friend tried talking me down for a while and succeeded to some extent but I kept falling back into that fear state where I was thinking that I am having a heart attack/stroke over the next few hours.
afterwards I felt a bit drained but well overall.
The next morning I felt renewed and ready to take mushrooms again. 2 weeks later I did an Ayahuasca ceremony and strangely all went well. 2 weeks after that I did another Ayahuasca ceremony and everything went well for the first part. At some stage joints
were passed around again and I had maybe 3 puffs.
I was quite stoned but nothing unusual... Then I had another dose of Ayahuuasca and at some stage during the experience I was thinking about my difficult mushroom experience and suddenly I felt that vibration/shock in my upper chest again and my heart started beating MUCH faster than usual. I got up and started walking around and felt like that had to be the end and feeling very sure that I am having a heart attack. After a few friends tried talking me down for some time I returned to a more calm state.
The week following that night I kept having flashbacks and feeling like I am having a heart attack. I use to smoke marijuana every night but after that second bad experience whenever I smoke I get that uncomfortable chest feeling and thinking I might be having a heart attack...
After 3 weeks of that I went to see a doctor and he did a ECG which was completely normal and he assured me that it was just anxiety attacks. He gave me some alprazolam and lerazopam which I took whenever I felt it coming on. I went to visit family a week later and decided to take 2g of the same mushrooms while I was there. I started with 1g and felt amazing after the come-up with more appreciation for everything around me, like I usually feel while coming down after a higher dose.
I then took the other gram and 5min later I thought I was having a heart attack again. I was rushed to hospital where another ECG was done showing everything was perfectly normal. I got a lerazopam injection which calmed me and was refered to a psychiatrist...
I saw the psychiatrist and after 5min she wanted to put me on anti-depressants. I decided not to go for that as I didn't feel depressed at all.
3 months later today in general I am feeling much better with no more anxiety attacks but whenever I use anything mind altering (even coffee) I start feeling like the earth is moving under my feet and a bit anxious.
I very badly want to get back into journeying with entheogens but not sure where to start.
After reading up a lot the 2 things I am considering are microdosing with mushrooms and/or taking maybe 2g with alprazolam to try overcome that fear and then leaving the alprazolam the next time I use psilocybin.
Has anyone here been through something simular? If so was it ever possible to get back into it? If so please let me know how you managed to do that.
sorry for the long post
“Nature loves courage. You make the commitment and nature will respond to that commitment by removing impossible obstacles. Dream the impossible dream and the world will not grind you under, it will lift you up. This is the trick. This is what all these teachers and philosophers who really counted, who really touched the alchemical gold, this is what they understood. This is the shamanic dance in the waterfall. This is how magic is done. By hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering its a feather bed.”
(Terence McKenna)