I'm coming down from smoking a bowl of changa.
A couple of days ago a large sum of money was stolen from me, all my money to be precise, due too my own naivity. Luckily I didn't have much money to begin with lol
Yesterday especially I was on the lookout all day for the pickpockets that got my debitcard (after watching me enter my code in the store), with quite vengeful thoughts, about how I would kick their teeth in etc. Actually my thoughts got quite a bit darker than just wanting to kick their teeth in.
Today I felt more relaxed. I'm normally a quite laidback guy, pacifist to the extreme and wanting to cultivate that non-violent outlook on lpanther and cobraife through meditation and such practices. I had some time before I had to leave house (in half an hour from writing this) so I tidied up the house and sat down in my 'tripping room' with my bong filled with 111 mgs of the changa I had prepared (1:1:1 calea - dmt - harmalas), topped off with a thin layer of passion flower.
Before smoking I stated my intentions; I wanted some advice on how to deal with this f*ed up situation. In particular I didn't like my dark thoughts towards these two persons so I focussed on the compassion I had lost, hoping to regain some. I was in for something completely different.
During the very rapid come-up I noticed the familiar feeling of not being able to tell if I was hallucinating or not (a pretty decent giveaway that I'm actually 'tripping balls' ) and I said to nothing in particular 'come on in' (I'm such a nice welcoming guy *lol*).
This changa blend works very energetically for me and eventually I found myself standing upright, beating my chest with both fists really hard in all directions of the room, then I fell to my knees again and began to crawl through the room on all fours.
I had the distinct feeling of being a large feline, a panther, and I was hissing and growling and clawing my hands towards invisible intruders, sometimes raising myself on my knees and beating my chest again- while doing that I felt like a cobra, so I was left with the awkward feeling of being a panther and a cobra simultaneously.
The growls came from my toes. It felt really good to live out this agression, and I said out loud "Don't tread on me" a couple of times. I meant it. I felt I had to raise my defenses and not let just anyone cross my barriers. They serve a function.
The experience lasted for some fifteen minutes and felt very powerful. I'm listening to some Scraping Foetus Off The Wheel right now, the most agressive music I could think of
Compassion is an important quality and one to be desired, just not all the time I guess. I don't want to kick anyone's teeth in anymore, thank god but I definitely won't let anyone intrude anymore either without putting up a fight. A very valuable lesson.