The acquisition of DMT has been whirling in mind for two years and recently made its appearance in full. I was blessed with the challenge of addiction beginning when I turned thirteen which started with the exploration of ganja which later turned into dancing with harder and much more destructive substances. Soon enough I was led to a suicide attempt through the consumption of a 1/2 oz of MDA that is a fascinating story worth sharing in and of itself. After I was gifted with the continued opportunity of experiencing the greatest gift ever (life), my perspective changed indefinitely, forever. I believe I chose to experience all that I have experienced thus far and am now in a place of feeling somewhat troubled around the continued exploration of that which I am extremely passionate about (top 3) (entheogens).

A few weeks ago, after experiencing a hand full of ''underwhelming'' yet entirely constructive attempts at the absorption of DMT, I had what I perceive(ed) to be a relatively strong experience. I was not entirely clear/pure/prepared mentally/physically/spiritually yet, nonetheless, I pursued. I set intention, meditated and absorbed. I closed my eyes and began to experience an undulating, spiraling, geometric phenomenon through my third eye though not colorful at all. I then began to accelerate. A bit of fear set in and I opened my eyes. I was told "hello" and shortly after "ayahuasca". I also heard "take care of yourself". From there, the OEV's were AWESOME. I was looking east up the mountain through my window and was rather astonished at the vivid colors. The trees were as I've never seen them. I felt a profoundly powerful divine presence that was ''watching'' me. Was it her that told me to take care of myself?

I have these patterns/habits of not giving my mind/body/spirit complex the respect it deserves and requires. Over indulging seems to be the primary point yet it very well could simply be a manifestation of that which is more deeply rooted in my beingness. I seek purification. I aspire towards accessing the inherent infinite indwelling intelligence that we all have ready access to. If I continue spinning my wheels, I'm not sure that any plant will fully show itself to me... in fact, I almost feel as if I am in a place of not feeling ''capable'' of consuming high doses of anything due to the feeling of ''inadequacy'' particularly centered around the notion of me not yet ''having my shit entirely together''.

I suppose this is just the trip I'm currently having and that this too will pass. It's really helpful to get this out and concentrate certain thoughts & ideas. May my aspirations become reality.

Thank you for the opportunity of sharing and I am open to all/any replys.

I think partly the human condition means that none of us have our shit entirely together. I feel you are on a good path by listening to your intuition though. I am as well in a place of hesitation with the use of the enteogens I love so much. I have only smoked d once in the past 4 months. And a threshold dose of lsa. But I do think about it all the time. Its more about my environment now that I have slowed down. I'm frustrated that I can't seem to find the time. If I could I'd probably just choose to be sober with my family anyway.

It's true. The notion of having ones shit together is a trap as there is no end to ourselves. Thanks for the reflection and it's sweet to know I'm not alone, ever.

All the best towards your continued expanse.

And many blessings tou you! Hope I run into you here again soon.

If its not too much of a sore point, how does one go about consuming that much mda? Did you mix into a liquid? Not that I want to, just curious.

Try setting goals.

Personally I didn't have too many other than trying to have a good time until I had a kind of rough experience with 4-aco-dmt. I was over taken by the feeling of not having my shit together. What I am I doing with my life? I spend all of my time working at a minimum wage job and then go home and party. I'm not getting anywhere like this. It was kind of depressing, definently not the experience I was trying to have, but I'm very glad it happened.

I took a step back and didn't do any drugs other than smoking weed until I started feeling like I was doing something to progress in life.

It was time to grow up, at least a little. I've spent quite a bit of time being an underachieving slacker and the time had come for me to step it up. Set some goals.

Once I set goals and I felt like I was starting to do something to work towards them and better myself I felt good to start tripping again.

I also try to keep it natural now. I've had that same feeling of a divine presence watching over me when drinking ayahuasca. Telling me take better care of myself and everything else in my life.