Just a bit of venting here, though I am pretty sure my actions today will lead to the end of my employment where I now work. It will be a slow process (I hope), but I just don't see how things will work out in the long run. Need to get some of this off my chest and then plan accordingly.

I work in a small place (20 some-odd employees), and most folks who work here are lifers. It's a motley bunch, some from big-name schools who do finance, and some up-from-their bootstraps folks. Big age gap-- most employees over 50 only a couple under 40 (I'm mid-40s). Some workers are very conservative/Christian.

The heart of the matter is, I'm poly and started dating another person at my office. We're both married, and both are spouses are accepting of the relationship. This does not exactly go over well with most the other employees here (monster under-statement).

No signs of physical affection have been witnessed by our office-mates, but our romance led to lots of gossip. A couple of months ago, we were asked point blank by management if we were in a relationship and we said 'Yes.' Lots of confusion and uncomfortableness ensued.

We were basically told to keep it under wraps, and the directors developed a 'fraternization policy' that basically stated it was ok to have a relationship as long as there were no physical signs of affection on work time or in work places.

All well and good, but since then we have been the target of much resentment from some employees here who see the poly life as repugnant. Several folks at the office won't talk to either of us anymore, and we have to watch our every move.

Today we were separately called in the CEO's office to face criticism for 'acting like we're in a relationship,' though we haven't been physical, nor have we violated the 'policy.' I was literally told to 'pretend we aren't in a relationship.' I asked what specific things I was doing that I should change and they responded that there weren't any specific behaviors, that our being sweet to each other was threatening to others. I was also accused of being exclusive with my paramour, which is untrue, though we spend more time together than many employees because our work requires it.

Well I 'called it', 'named the game' or whatever. My responses being:
- My work is good, and I am professional at all times
- It's crazy that being cranky or anti-social (some folks here won't even talk talk to each other) is perfectly acceptable, while being nice to a partner is threatening.
- 'Pretending to not be in a relationship' is not in the fraternization policy
- There is nothing I can do to change the harsh views of others in the office.
- Even 'pretending' won't end gossip or people's paranoid perceptions
- and, THIS IS ONLY CAUSING TROUBLE BECUASE WE ARE BOTH MARRIED TO SOMEONE ELSE

They denied it, saying that it is about relationships in the office in general. The CEO gave the example of his daughter. She has a relationship with another worker. They don't express it at the office-- but then he added that they are allowed to share a bedroom at office retreats. I asked if I could hold hands with my girlfriend at our office picnic and they said absolutely not.(wtf???)

I basically let them know I think their requirements are bullshit, and I believe they know it. I also let them know I will follow their requirements grudgingly.

I was told not to expect any pay grade increase this year (didn't expect one anyway). The big thing though is that I won't 'play ball' on this one, so I don't see my career being fruitful here any longer. It's too bad. I did some good work.

I would sue them.

Sorry to hear about your troubles. As far as I'm concerned your personal life is no one's concern but your own. I would tell you to pack such a horrid shit hole in, but I too am in a job I hate and work isn't easy found these days.

Best advise I have is grin and bear it and look for somewhere else in the meantime.

Hope it all works out.

Thanks for encouragement, both of you. This is the first time have posted something this personal on this site, but you are the only people I feel full acceptance from.



Yeah, I do consider that. 'Marital Status' is a protected class in my state's constitution, so I might be able to get some traction if I need it. Not sure if courts in any state will care to support polyamory, also not sure if I want to dedicate myself to becoming a test case for the courts. I'm not saying that I won't go that route, but I want to consider that option very carefully.

It amazes me. My boss is gay, and has faced this kind of insult, and knows what it feels like. Unfortunately, he is the outwardly closeted type, filled with all sorts of conflict. He got where he is today by 'passing' and probably resents me for what he perceives as my lack of respect for authority.



I have been told that this is a 'small office' by way as apology for staff gossip, but I am still being required to closet myself. They cloak it in 'office professionalism' but what they are really asking is for this all to go away.

I am going to get into gear looking-- and I have to learn to use all the social media stuff I tend to avoid (networking-- the sale of the self). It all just feels a bit overwhelming.

I know this is no joking issue, but these almost made me post the "I don't want to live in this planet anymore" meme.

No legal advice I can give. Just wanted to express my sympathies for the utter load of crap you have to deal with. And I hope you can find a better job soon.

Such a place is not worthy of two free "consensual" souls.. Talk about a toxic environment.

In all sincerity I wish you well in moving on, as fast as possible, finding more rewarding ways to earn what you require and not having to endure such ignorance and sheer lunacy.

Wow! You need to get out of that place asap! These people are just extremely jealous of the two of you.
I'd start looking for another place to work. You both should. I could never work with people like that.

Probably a group of jealous unhappy people that are just looking for an object (you) to focus their discontent on, in order to make them feel better about themselves. Clearly you have kept it professional and affection out of the work place, so they have no right to discriminate for how you live your personal life.

I am sorry you have to work with such judgemental close-minded individuals, definitly get out of there as soon as you can line up another job. They have to be violating some employment rights...

Well,

This would probably best be put in that thread Trav set up for people less than sober... since that is me right now. High and a little drunk-- drank with my girlfriend and I'm getting high with my spouse-- let me tell you that human relationships, not that twisted social matrix of a workplace is what matters for me. I have two beautiful ladies that love me and the rest can bite my shorts. I'd swear if it was permissable.

I have been wanting to leave this job anyway. Just a bad energy about it. It is as if they value misery in their workers, or the vacuum of a life unlived. They are beautiful people, though. Each has a wonderful story or two, and I wish I could get to know them better.

I will get myself doing whatever it is these days that people do to find a job. The validation I have received here means a lot to me, and it has made it easier for me to commit to change.

Sorry if I am less than lucid. I just wanted to thank DMTripper, ZenSpice and Vodsel-- damn (0or darn?), where are you guys? I mean that in a broad philisophical sense. I have been wanting to find decent, open minded, somewhat dangerous people around where I live and have had no stinkin luck. I want to buy you all the intoxicant of your choice.

Enough rambling. I'll be embarassed about this in the morning, for sure.

And Kash, thank you too.

You guys are like rock stars to me. You bring the flame to Prometheus.

Voice recorder + sue

File a complaint with L&I NOW! If you're fired first, you have no case.

Keep the faith fella and (imo) you shouldn't be embarrassed, your comments are from the heart

Try to find a way to stand firm (as per prior two comments be sure TO 'protect yo neck' and be able to constantly look DOWN at their attitudes while maintaining an yours in a way that only serve to make them them look more and more like the ridiculous archaic clowns they are.

And get that new job, even if you proved your point such people are like soul sucking leeches, toxic environments are only good for so long when it comes to growth of consciousness they must often be seen for what they are and left behind (far easier said than done in this system we live in).

Respect due and all the luck in the world be yours

That's really unfortunate. I am sorry this is causing problems for you.

Happily no hangover-- and I'm not too embarrassed about my posts last night . Back at work in a foul mood, but present and accounted for. I feel glad to have such a great community here, and I will provide updates as the situation progresses.

It is unlikely I will sue, because I think I would have a weak case. Everything has been verbal (except not getting a raise), and I really do think there isn't much love for poly in our legal system. I may consult with an atorney, just to better understand what would make a strong case, but I don't see myself jumping into any boxing ring yet.

I will follow my heart, and leave the rest to fate. I know something good will come of this.

heh, brainwashed simpletons.

I'd throw cynical zingers over their heads all day long.