Im not sure what I am up to in life, I have little care to do anything socially or productively.

I do not see the point in not belonging to a Utopian society or being one of an Adam and Eve pair. I believe that I am a data stream. I seek a dramatic change in lifestyle; what I ask for information to some sort of spiritual group that i can find peace within, a monastery somewhere perhaps.

Maybe i just need to smoke more spice?

I think almost any true spiritual path starts with silent meditation. It seems with persistence, everything else just starts falling into place. Maybe find a group you can do meditation with.

If you are already a user of psychedelics, other psychedelic users are in effect your spiritual community. Nobody else will fully understand. Monasteries would lock you down into their rules, and as a free-thinking data stream you may find yourself having issues with that.

Is there anything, at all, that you are interested in? (Something legal, i mean). This interest can be a nucleus around which to build a hobby, a career, a social life. Remember that things of true quality require large personal investment.

My definition of spirituality has to do with knowing and living the reality of being one with the world, and this includes other humans. Nobody will ever understand your full depth, and that's fine. Some things are just for you. But don't be afraid to be part of society, even if you don't relate to pop culture or any of that stuff. Remember that you are human, the people around you are human; you share things that are so universal that in some ways we are truly all one, as there are things that affect all of us equally. Our situation as living humans in this chronological 3D environment is an incredibly dense, specific, potentially meaning- rich miracle. You have the power to design for yourself a life that is perfect for you.

And if you are, like me, a natural hermit, you can find a balance where you can have the privacy you need while still being able to enjoy being a part of this world of humans and other living things. That is, I believe, central to any kind of practical, functional spirituality.

My thoughts;

I 'reckon' most Spiritual people eventually figure out that the purpose is to LOVE !!!

So once you figure this out, you will need to find how it is that you specifically are meant to express/show/shine LOVE... You have gifts, things you seem to naturally do well, so what are they ?

In what way can you harmonize / synchronize with the love energy that is the greater / deeper reality ? When you do that - you will be walking your spiritual path.

When you said you didn't want to do anything "socially or productively", I am hoping you mean something along the lines of - "corporately and commercially" in that you don't want to be a robot slave to the $ machine that is "modern society".

I can get that you don't like crowds / mobs / the herd, but I am hoping you wish for some interaction with other human / animal souls - and I would call that being "social".

Anyway, you will need to start with a dream/vision. It will come to you if you meditate / go on vision quest and ask for the purpose of your life to be revealed to you. Psychedelics may help, but don't forget to prepare set and setting, so that to you it is a SACRED RITUAL with a purpose.

The vision may not be what you expect or thought you wanted, but you will know, due to numerous incidence of Jungian synchronicity.

The process may take weeks/months and require you to give up a lot of stuff that is currently filling your head, eg get out of an unhealthy relationship. One way to think about the process is to be willing to let your "old self" die and a new "spiritual" self be born.

There may be challenges to overcome - in being reborn. For example, if you love $ too much, then maybe your challenge will be to give a substantial amount away to a total stranger - eg hand $100 to someone in the street - at random. (As a means of taking power over $$$, defeating greed)

Time alone in nature is not a bad idea. Awaken your intuition, try to understand your relationship to the "cosmic love energy intelligence" AKA - God, and the rest will take care of itself. Learning to silence your own minds endless chatter is a good place to start. Good breath control and body awareness help too.

Have to agree with Guyomech - probably not a good idea to go looking in a "formal" religion. IMHO - none of them have a clue, pretty much all are mind-control cults full of bullshit dogma. If I could name one does not require double think - I'd give it a go...but that is me. If you feel called, follow the call.

Could be - you are seeking the life-path of a shaman - and haven't realized this yet?

If you are - then signs will start to appear to you.... that will lead you to your mentor-teacher and your true community. As per the e.g. in Matrix... follow the white rabbit....

the answer is within

I have a feeling that we are supposed to integrate all aspects of ourselves.

Physical, Mental, Spiritual.
Past, Present, Future.
Good, Bad, Neutral.

Learning to co-exist with your current circumstances and also gain from them is the way I live it.

There is no shame in hoping/dreaming/believing in a future utopia or whatever your desire(s).

However, learn to co-exist with the present to manifest your desire(s).

-SpaceS

Grabbing sand (truth) makes sand piles by the feet along the way
you cannot take it with you and in the end if you wish to carry it, it is just one more thing you will have complicating your existence beyond your original nature.



http://www.wussu.com/laotzu/laotzu20.html

Such nice people here i Think Guyomech summed it up when reminding you that this is part of your community. Finding out what interests you have is essential. Focus on what you do enjoy.

Some people do need to retreat from the world on their paths, and some do not. I can see my life being a bit of both, but for now, i feel i need to function within society for a bit, until i can justify (and afford! ) to just go off the grid for as long as i can.

Consult the great outdoors and see what she says. Nature can be a great tool for realigning you with the natural placement of things.

And AlbertKLloyd, It may be worth referencing That Tao Te Ching translation with others. Often there are things lost or hidden in translation and at worst, misinterpretations leading to more dualisitc perception.

Here is another translation of that same chapter 20 - wandering; (i feel it's probably best to read the whole thing as i imagine this chapter could be taken out of context if viewed independently from the rest)



http://www.kktanhp.com/Taoism%20II.htm

Yeah, I like a lot of different translations, they are usually all good.

One of my favorite verses here.

For me it contains the key to a peaceful existence.

Lots of sound advice here, the only thing I can add is pay attention to your surroundings, whether in the city, or deep in the woods....I find that when you stay very silent and observe with all of your senses, the universal will bring your attention to guiding signs and/or reminders. Peace Brethren

Other things I might add would be being concious of what you eat and how what you eat effects you. I think there are different ideal diets for different people.

I think awareness of dreaming is another important factor to spiritual living. Remembering dreams and also being aware of how your daily life effects your dreams.

It sounds like you're going through a spiritual crisis, the subject of a book by Stanislav & Christina Grof that I recommend; The Stormy Search for the Self. Your social introversion is actually the first phase of many traditional rites of passage aka coming of age ceremonies done by tribal peoples. It is important to remove yourself from your normal social setting because it puts you in a state of limbo with grief for the past and anxiety for the future. This land of limbo can be a center of creation if done in discipline. I recommend, for now, to refrain from tripping at all and just exercising, eating right, meditating, general cleansing of the body, etc. The next phase of many traditional rites of passage has to do with the passing down of mythology and history of the land/people, but since you probably don't have anyone for this I recommend finding out what native culture was killed or booted out of your local area and reading about their history and way of life. I think you'll find it spiritually comforting to learn about the ways of so-called primitive people and their cosmic-view, wearing life like a garment, an actor instead of analyst in the audience, an embryo inside of a nurturing mother womb of consciousness, rather than our modern day subject-object, scientific, technique obsessed, mechanical, inert, dis-ensouled popular perspective.

I also recommend you read some critiques of cyberculture, maybe science, technology, and even civilization in general during this time, since it sounds like you're still in an "information" materialist mind-set. Note, you are not a mere stream of data, and information is not knowledge, understanding, and definitely not Wisdom. Also, I wouldn't take the advice that you're true community is only in psychedelic practitioners or online, this is too selfish. Community is not about sticking with people only like you, let a lone on an interactive TV (computer), that's a network. In fact, the man who coined the term "virtual community", Howard Rheingold, eventually rejected it replacing it with "social network" b/c he realized that corporations were taking advantage of the community rhetoric as wolves in sheep's clothing. Community is about coming (communing) together with people in your locality despite your differences to build relations as a reminder of "all my relations" (everyone & everything). Anyway, the third stage in a rite of passage is visionary and can definitely involve psychedelics, fasting, & what not, from which you'll hopefully learn what you need, to move on in life as a spiritual man so to speak. Good luck!

PS: I wouldn't think that just moving to a "spiritual community" is an answer to your problem, you may be deeply disappointed. Just read some accounts of communes from the 60's, many turned out to be pretty authoritarian or just mirrored the suburbs. They also pissed off many native peoples in New Mexico for buying out tribal land. They were very naive claiming to be counter-culture yet fairly cold-war cybernetic centric technophiles worshiping the likes of The Whole Earth Catalog, Buckminster Fuller, & Norbert Wiener.