The following account is Part One of two breakthrough experiences I had, both occurring within a single span of one week:
1. The First Encounter
I had always been extremely interested in DMT. Ever since I found out about Terrence McKenna and engaging in LSD monthly, my interest truly peaked, as acid had shown me that there was an unlocked potential that resided deep inside the human mind. After nearly a year of research, I finally came across this substance.
I was a bit apprehensive that what he had was actual DMT (I didn't know what real DMT looked or smelled like at the time), but nonetheless, I received the four points. I went home that night at around 9, cleared out a place on my bed, and loaded up my bowl with roughly 30 mg. After this, I had a very, very intense experience with the DMT, but no breakthrough. Time froze in front of me, and these random patterns about my room connected and became perfect. Nothing was moving, but it felt as if time had stopped, and there was this unshakable sense of eternity.
These first two experiences were strange and very peculiar, but I was still in search of that breakthrough, and almost had a sense that I couldn't obtain it by just smoking it (how mistaken I was!). I had no idea that my third encounter with the molecule would prove to be that breakthrough. The molecule had reached me about three weeks after this, supposedly being a more potent, natural batch of DMT that was extracted from Canary Reed Grass (very common where I live). I still have no idea if that was true, but it wouldn't matter. Anyhow, I received another 4 points of this new batch.
I read much about how to smoke DMT online, and I decided the layering method would work best with what I had. I put a tiny bit of weed at the bottom, and a layer of about 100mg on top of that, and then topped it off with another layer of weed until this yellow powder was barely visible. I lied back on my pillow (very anxious at this point) and took a slow, long hit. I held this for about 12 seconds. Upon blowing this out, I immediately felt that initial stop of time I recognized from the other two experiences, except the patterns began to flow more fluidly than the first two times. I took another hit, but could only hold this in briefly, as this incredible rush of a vibrating tone began to intensify as did this dissolution of time. At this point, my gaze immediately shifted to my ceiling, in which the patterns started to sway like the current of a raging ocean. It honestly looked like massive waves of water. Then, before I could even think, these “rows” or “rods” of fractalized, interlocking, illuminated symbols began to fly at me from a multitude of directions. They came from all directions, but seemed to fly past my ears and never hit my head. I couldn't see the end of these rows, and that is when I realized where I was.
I didn't have time to notice, but I was not in my bed anymore. In fact, I couldn't feel my body or my bed, but it didn't feel like it was numb; it felt like it never was there. Like I didn't need it. This space that was in front of me had boundaries of eternal black, but was illuminated by sparkling objects that would appear as very close and then very far, almost at the same time. The nature of everything in this place had different dimensions than those in this world, as they would stretch outward and exist in this ever-changing state. Despite those dark boundaries, this place was full of light. In this space, I felt like I wasn't really at any one point. My mind was in all directions, and it wasn't really me, it was more of a singular consciousness that I felt made up everything. I also noticed an unshakable intelligence that I've never gotten from any other psychedelic. It was so real and vivid, it would tell me to “watch” what it was doing, but it was all passing so incredibly fast. At this point I remember covering my eyes because of how much was in front of me, but all this would resurface with eyes shut. That was the brief point at which my ego was screaming “Go back! Go back! Go back to my room and my bed!” After these brief seconds, that all faded.
The rising tone I experienced at the beginning started to resemble a sort of mechanized alien language that spoke extremely fast in distorted sound vibrations that would reinforce it’s presence in successions of loops. At the time and place, I felt like they were telling me that the place I was in was my true home. I recognized so simply, without any philosophical or religious hesitations; this was where I was before I was born, this is where I will be when I die.
That knowledge hit me so hard, but it didn't bother me. It felt like love. The looping alien vibrations began to echo at this point, as I was slowly being brought back down into my head; briefly seeing images of my bed and this familiar world. At this point, the auditory portion was very prominent, and every small sound I would make or sounds I heard in the room had a resounding echo to them. These sounds seemed to lead me back in to my head, and the intelligence that took me there started to leave me.
Coming back was so cinematic. It felt like being in the end of the most inspirational film. That intelligence relayed back to me “That may have appeared hard for a second, but you got through it. You saw what we needed to show you, and now you know. You know that you don’t have to be afraid. Goodbye. We love you so much.” It didn't “say” that like I heard a voice, but it was almost a thought that was given to me, and I recognized it as absolute truth. After this ordeal, I had returned, and I sat in my bed for over a half hour, thinking about exactly what had just happened.
I’m sure I forgot to include some stuff (I truly believe human vernacular can only attempt to describe the DMT experience, for it’s impossible to put into words), but I may recall those other details later. This experience was the most among the most intense in my life. Remembering it feels like a dream, but I’m still left with that certainty that it was real. I have no scientific proof for this. But I know it to be a real place. And that’s fine with me.
I’ll post my separate experience in another topic. It was much different and feels it requires such.