Hi all,

I finally broke through last night for the first time. I went into the experience after having a bad day. It was really a bad day that was the culmination of multiple bad days. I was feeling very bad about myself, my physical appearance, my prospects at love, and so forth. I was wary that I might have a bad trip because of this negative mindset, though I wanted to try to breakthrough again for some reason. I managed to calm down and clear my mind as I sat in bed, ready to go. Lights off, late at night, noise-canceling earbuds in listening quietly to a great 'Om chant' meditation track. No distractions, perfectly comfortable. I took multiple large hits, fell back and left. Here's what I wrote after my experience. It was written in a very abbreviated style as it was near 2am.


"Took 3 or 4 hits. Some very big. Pressure built. Frequency in my head. Colored, star-pangled blackness took hold of my vision. Within 20 seconds of starting I couldn't tell if my eyes were open or closed. Rushed through the ‘mandala’ phase . I don’t remember much about it. Initial image was of a rainbow-colored, kaleidoscopic pattern. Very quickly that gave way to a dark, gray ‘chamber,’ Arrived before a council of tall, looming Egyptian statue-like black shadow entities. They felt masculine, though they were more or less featureless. Main figure in middle. Side ones too. I’d say maybe three total, but maybe 5. Wordless communication. Feeling and experience dominated. Highly visual, though. I was sort of crying, though no tears fell, saying, “I’m trying, I’m trying…[but it’s hard]” and was comforted or consoled like a baby by ethereal female forms, fluid and vaporous like wind but formed beautiful female faces. These ‘spirits’ made me feel better, made me know things would be ok. All silently. I remember at one point being oriented in a sort of cradled position, with my upper self leaning to the left. The female beings washed over me from the left. I experienced multiple body ‘highs’ after this where I involuntarily and quite forcefully smiled as much as possible and expressed joy and amazed elation with all my body. I could not prevent myself from smiling and wanting to giggle. I experienced the profound truth of human existence (or part of it). The ‘me’ of this trip was myself in pure consciousness form. I then felt myself being animated back into bodily form. Felt at times like being birthed. Could feel the organic-nature of human life. Felt my body as skeletal and muscular. Was very much like taking control of a body suit or something. I was being downloaded, animated into human form. I felt my body. Moved my jaw around and was marveling at the feeling of incarnation. Then the trip began to fade slowly. I remember kind of falling away from this place, from the beings. Still very affected, I felt my whole body. Took many huge breaths. Very emotional. Felt strong. Infused with vitality. Felt very invigorated, like my battery was recharded. Real vitality. I remember gripping the lighter in my right hand, other fist clenched, flexing my muscles and gasping for breaths. Not in a panicked way, but more like coming back to life or turing on. Then felt extremely calm. At some point in the mix I was made to realize about life that, “it’s just a ride...”

This trip was exactly what I needed. It dealt with my insecurities about my body, about finding love, about seizing life rather than continuing my kind of stale, course-less life. Amazing. So amazing. I’m so humbled. So appreciative of the experience and of being alive. Very profound. It was the best therapy session. The best mother-son bonding moment. The most profound, real, and awakening thing.

Based on this experience, I think consciousness or the ‘spirit’ is something that manifests in a human body. The human body and especially brain is mere organic machinery. A host. All biology. Consciousness is like the essence of one’s being that’s almost installed in a person’s core. It is, however, affected greatly by the sort of storm of human emotions and urges that circle around it. I think dmt removes your spirit from your body and brings it ‘back home to this hyperspace.’ Only upon reentering your body does one have a troubling experience making sense of things because their judgmental machinery distorts their thinking. They are the ones who cannot process the experience correctly and therefore are disturbed by it. It's not the experience, it's the brain trying to analyze it and failing. That is bad. Also, those who wrestle with the power of the experience and refuse to let go of control have negative experiences. It dissolves boundaries and the ego loss is very real. If you can’t handle that, the experience is bad because you aren’t ready, not because the drug is bad. Everything has a positive and negative side. DMT can be used positively and negatively too, but those potentials are determined by the user, not what’s being used."

Very powerful stuff. I could go on about how it changed my views on life, consciousness, and about what happens at death. I'd feel really embarrassed, ashamed, or guilty if I were to go back before taking some steps with my life. I really would expect them to be there waiting, and to ask why I'm back again so soon. They knew me, they knew what I needed. It was cathartic and therapeutic. I'm in awe. Will I know when it's time to return? Am I right in feeling I need to apply these teachings first?

No amount of philosophizing, rationalizing, or logical deduction can make one understand this state and these experiences. They cannot be described or conveyed adequately through language. It may all sound like metaphysical lofty idealism to people, but anyone who experiences it will realize otherwise. Realer than can be imagined.

Thanks for this wonderful site and community!

Neil

Just wow! One of the most amazing and detailed reports I've read! So glad you have gained so much from it! Thanks for sharing!

I find it fascinating you were able to recall so much of it! I cannot remember the slightest when I am back from hyperspace!

Hi Rideronthewheel,

Great trip report and analysis of your immediate feelings and impressions afterwards. So very DMT. So very breakthrough.

Yeah, I dare to say, at least experientially, many of us DO in fact understand this state and these experiences. Many of us have found deep personal answers. Many of us have found nothing but more questions. But, the territory you attempt to describe here is very familiar indeed.

I'm very happy for you and think you are wise to wait before your next journey to see if you can apply any of this to your life. That's always the challenge for dedicated psychonauts - applying the lessons learned in tripping space in the stress of real life interactions.

I think it was SnozzleBerry who said in chat one day that, "The right kind of breakthrough can easily give anyone a lifetime worth of things to think about," and I think he was right.

I hope you will keep us posted on your thoughts, impressions and future journeys and again thanks for sharing. That was very well written and very evocative of the DMT breakthrough state.

Great report! Bravo for writing things down right after... I wish I did that myself when I broke throuh for the first time last week...now a fuzzy fragmented memory.

Your clarity and detailed account is amazing and I can relate with the profound impact it had on you, you clearly have a solid grasp on what to do with the experience and how to digest its message and power.

Next time I will write things down as soon as I pick my jaw up off the floor!

Isn't it amazing how alien, bizzare and unimaginable the experience is, yet so familiar that its uncanny.... mind blowing!

Thanks everyone! I too am surprised by how much I remember. Past non-breakthrough experiences left strong impressions but never much in the way of detailed recollection. This was very different. I'm astounded by it. I thought this type of 'therapy' only happened on ayahuasca, ibogaine and maybe mushrooms. I did not expect this. In fact I went forward with smoking only once I had cleared my mind of afflictive negative thoughts. They were the show though - the only topic of 'discussion.' The sensitive areas of my conscience were manifested and dealt with. It was like returning home to a parent after struggling in some task and after getting side-tracked by things that are petty and irrelevant. These beings did not judge me, but instead consoled and loved me. They were wonderful to be around. One thing I realized is that they did not frighten me one bit. I anticipated shock and possible fear in meeting the fabled entities, as if stumbling across a creature in the dark. Instead, I was suddenly in their towering presences and felt no concern at all. It was strangely non-emotional. The only emotions I 'felt' were those of sadness and defeat, yet, as I wrote, no tears fell (it was more of an existential sadness, like my 'soul' was struggling. Though the identity-related distinction between physical me this DMT me was blurry), and the feeling of elation when experiencing the incarnation of 'spirit' into body. No, these beings were very gentle. They showed me that human life is wonderful, but still a mere section of a different realm of reality, like the numbers 1-1000 in relation to infinity. Not in a cynical way, I was shown that life and all it's self-importance and grandiosity is just a kind of illusion we create. I was shown to revere the body, not loathe or regret it, and to take comfort in the knowledge that this 'ride' we call life is short and to be enjoyed as much as possible. That all experiences, even the mundane, are to be appreciated and concentrated on as if marvels. I felt the impacts of this change of thought immediately afterwards. Talking to someone was fresher and more lively. I was aware to try and focus on simply being present and engaged and happy rather than think too much or get caught up in bad thoughts. I then saw reason to combat subversive bad mind-states and realize they were kind of an external, darker side to living in the physical realm (not that important in the big picture). I discovered that negative mind states are disruptions caused by the brain on the purity and stillness of the 'spirit.' It was truly a revelation about the distinction between being a human - an animal at heart - and being divine, godly consciousness. The duality of our identities was a thing I learned. We are more than biology, than the primate. I expect that behind all this is the same thing behind reality. Not behind the big-bang, but beyond the multi-verse. The 'it' of that grand unknown. It really is an experience behind the 'veil' of reality. It's just wild. But it's very deep and meaningful. DMT especially is not a party substance. At least it isn't for me. To use it to get 'super high' or 'trip like crazy,' is irresponsible and very much an act carried out by the biological human, not something a divine consciousness would do. Anyone who has had a genuine ego-less, out of body experience would realize this and feel very wrong using DMT in a reckless style, which is oppositional to the nature of the experience itself.

I want to stress though that DMT is not a panacea. Neither are any psychedelic drugs. The reason for this is that psychotropic drugs of this nature are not drugs at all, they're experiences. An experience is worthless if you cannot learn from it and especially if you choose not to try. This experience offered me a profound new take on reality. The beings didn't make me understand their teaching in the strict sense of the word, but instead let me feel the teaching and learn from direct contact. I admit I still struggle with these issues. My problems, after all, are the creations of the human brain, not of my divine essence. Therefore by being back in this life, I still live with the pain as well as the joy of physical existence. I can't, however, carry on feeling sorry about things without remembering this experience and the things it showed me. Things will be ok in this life, and that, in the end, it's just a ride.

I'll return to DMT when it feels right and warranted to do so. I would love to use psilocybin to deal with these matters further though. I'm curious where else these trips can take me, too. My seemingly shallow concerns instead elicited the most profound lessons on reality and life and being. I know there is more though. I can handle more. I'm dedicated to the goal of exploring these places now and to learning how to channel the divinity the lies within. I never would have honestly considered concepts such as spirits and divine states if not for this experience. I was, and millions, if not billions, of other people are unaware they exist. This really is the era of man. It's a godless time in the spiritual sense and we need to reconnect with this part of our nature so urgently.

I can really relate to your story, as I am still in the 'afterglow' of a group DMT experience from last Saturday. I have an assurance now that makes life more alive and vibrant than I could have ever imagined, very hard to put into words, human language does not do the experience justice.
Also, as you said, I am in no hurry to do it again. I can't fully comprehend what happened yet. All I know is that it was GOOD....

Happy & Enlightening Journeys to Us All

Excellent report! If that was the condensed, 2AM version, I'm looking forward to reading a well-rested report!

Indeed, it would be foolish to go back without implementing the lessons conveyed... I once was instructed to "at least brush my fuggin teeth" by a group of beings - and the next time I went in (WITHOUT brushing my teeth! ) I was given a hyper-slap and the door TOTALLY hit my ass on the way out! They don't like to be ignored, especially with something as basic as oral hygiene; ignoring them on reckless use of DMT would probably wind up with the user begging for mercy from the wrathful side!

That's amazing, thanks for sharing!

Thank you so much for sharing your experience and the insights it brought! The experience seems so fascinating and alien yet familiar at the same time as you described it. I have only experimented with LSD and psilocybin, and what seems so special after reading a report like yours is that something IS happening that is undoubtedly beyond what could be argued as residual experience or manifestations of the subconscious- at least at a superficial level.

Bravo and congratulations for receiving this gift :]

their r many levels with dmt the first stage is just colours and lights and you will stay here till it decides you r ready to move up to level 2 which is a lot more intense were the colours now start tomake beautfull paterns and shapes the more you relakes the more amazing they become you what you see with your eyes closed is more than you have ever seen in your life with them open you feel as if you r in a huge warehouse with the most amazing light colour and paterns you have ever seen and you will stay at this level untill you r ready for which during this time small changes will happen if the change is to much for you it returns to what you r relaxed with when i was their i wanted to see more all the time and it showed me first just the shapes of what was to come so as to familarizes my self with its form and before you move up a level you get a quick climps of the next level3 which was more shapes all the same but seperated and not one big colourfull mass all turn ing in difernt directions and changeing from just a shape to a form and back things r only scarey the first time you see them so once your brain becomes familur with them its easyer if you had never seen a octupuss and never heard of 1 when you first seen one you would beterrifidy and would beleave it alian but because we have all seen them before we r not scared well its the same for what you r about to see you first r shown their shape so when you start to see climpses of them you r scared at first but you dont panic and you r ready for level4 were now you have passed the test and and have acepted what is going on and nowthink will shock you now or not acept as real then up to level 5 were you r shown history and iformation and difernt spices ive been to two more levels up and the next time im bored i might share them with you but before i go i want you to think about this with out oxagen in r blood r brain would not work so when we put dmt in r blood we r turning on a part of r brain which needs dmt to work its not the dmt that is makeing us see what we see but a part of r brain we didnt no was their untill dmt turned it on

their r many levels with dmt the first stage is just colours and lights and you will stay here till it decides you r ready to move up to level 2 which is a lot more intense were the colours now start tomake beautfull paterns and shapes the more you relakes the more amazing they become you what you see with your eyes closed is more than you have ever seen in your life with them open you feel as if you r in a huge warehouse with the most amazing light colour and paterns you have ever seen and you will stay at this level untill you r ready for which during this time small changes will happen if the change is to much for you it returns to what you r relaxed with when i was their i wanted to see more all the time and it showed me first just the shapes of what was to come so as to familarizes my self with its form and before you move up a level you get a quick climps of the next level3 which was more shapes all the same but seperated and not one big colourfull mass all turn ing in difernt directions and changeing from just a shape to a form and back things r only scarey the first time you see them so once your brain becomes familur with them its easyer if you had never seen a octupuss and never heard of 1 when you first seen one you would beterrifidy and would beleave it alian but because we have all seen them before we r not scared well its the same for what you r about to see you first r shown their shape so when you start to see climpses of them you r scared at first but you dont panic and you r ready for level4 were now you have passed the test and and have acepted what is going on and nowthink will shock you now or not acept as real then up to level 5 were you r shown history and iformation and difernt spices ive been to two more levels up and the next time im bored i might share them with you but before i go i want you to think about this with out oxagen in r blood r brain would not work so when we put dmt in r blood we r turning on a part of r brain which needs dmt to work its not the dmt that is makeing us see what we see but a part of r brain we didnt no was their untill dmt turned it on

Great report indeed. When I saw the title in regards to shadow entities, I was pretty sure this story wasn't going to have a happy ending, but I'm glad it did. It was very well-written. I really like how you frame it in terms of "mother-son bonding". I've definitely had experiences where I've felt incredibly motherly feelings emanating from the experience.

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PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind)Set:
(physical condition) Set:
Setting (location):
time of day: (12 or 24 hour system, daylight? starlight? overcast?)
recent drug use: (list also any kind of medication)
last meal: (Time and type)

PARTICIPANT
Gender: (m / f)
body weight: (in kg pls)
known sensitivities:
history of use: (experienced, novice, first timer - in general and for this specific substance/form)

BIOASSAY
Substance(s): (list all taken substances)
Dose(s): (in the same order as Substances pls, use metric system i.e. g/ mg/ �g)
Method of administration: (dissolved in water, capsuls, insufflated, vaporized...)


EFFECTS
Administration time: T=0:00 (expand this if you used delayed administration for multiple substances or the same substance with multiple doses. Use indices.)
Duration: (x hours)
First effects:
Peak: (estimate a time range and note as e.g. T=2:00-4:00 for a range of 2 hours beginning 2 hours after administration)
Come down:
Baseline:

Intensity (overall): (use HRS-like scale i.e. 0-4: 0 = "Not at all;" 1 = "Slightly;" 2 = "Moderately;" 3 = "Quite a bit;" 4 = "Extremely."
Evaluation / notes:

OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: (0-4)
Implesantness: (0-4)
Visual Intensity: (0-4)
.
.
.


AFTER-EFFECTS
Hangover: (0-4 ; what type of impleasantness ; duration)
Afterglow: (0-4 ; what type of positive effects ; duration)


REPORT
(write your trip report as you would normally write it here)
PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind)Set:
(physical condition) Set:
Setting (location):
time of day: (12 or 24 hour system, daylight? starlight? overcast?)
recent drug use: (list also any kind of medication)
last meal: (Time and type)

PARTICIPANT
Gender: (m / f)
body weight: (in kg pls)
known sensitivities:
history of use: (experienced, novice, first timer - in general and for this specific substance/form)

BIOASSAY
Substance(s): (list all taken substances)
Dose(s): (in the same order as Substances pls, use metric system i.e. g/ mg/ �g)
Method of administration: (dissolved in water, capsuls, insufflated, vaporized...)


EFFECTS
Administration time: T=0:00 (expand this if you used delayed administration for multiple substances or the same substance with multiple doses. Use indices.)
Duration: (x hours)
First effects:
Peak: (estimate a time range and note as e.g. T=2:00-4:00 for a range of 2 hours beginning 2 hours after administration)
Come down:
Baseline:

Intensity (overall): (use HRS-like scale i.e. 0-4: 0 = "Not at all;" 1 = "Slightly;" 2 = "Moderately;" 3 = "Quite a bit;" 4 = "Extremely."
Evaluation / notes:

OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: (0-4)
Implesantness: (0-4)
Visual Intensity: (0-4)
.
.
.


AFTER-EFFECTS
Hangover: (0-4 ; what type of impleasantness ; duration)
Afterglow: (0-4 ; what type of positive effects ; duration)


REPORT
(write your trip report as you would normally write it here)

PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind)Set:
(physical condition) Set:
Setting (location):
time of day: (12 or 24 hour system, daylight? starlight? overcast?)
recent drug use: (list also any kind of medication)
last meal: (Time and type)

PARTICIPANT
Gender: (m / f)
body weight: (in kg pls)
known sensitivities:
history of use: (experienced, novice, first timer - in general and for this specific substance/form)

BIOASSAY
Substance(s): (list all taken substances)
Dose(s): (in the same order as Substances pls, use metric system i.e. g/ mg/ �g)
Method of administration: (dissolved in water, capsuls, insufflated, vaporized...)


EFFECTS
Administration time: T=0:00 (expand this if you used delayed administration for multiple substances or the same substance with multiple doses. Use indices.)
Duration: (x hours)
First effects:
Peak: (estimate a time range and note as e.g. T=2:00-4:00 for a range of 2 hours beginning 2 hours after administration)
Come down:
Baseline:

Intensity (overall): (use HRS-like scale i.e. 0-4: 0 = "Not at all;" 1 = "Slightly;" 2 = "Moderately;" 3 = "Quite a bit;" 4 = "Extremely."
Evaluation / notes:

OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: (0-4)
Implesantness: (0-4)
Visual Intensity: (0-4)
.
.
.


AFTER-EFFECTS
Hangover: (0-4 ; what type of impleasantness ; duration)
Afterglow: (0-4 ; what type of positive effects ; duration)


REPORT
(write your trip report as you would normally write it here)