Hello all, Rain here...I've been a member of the nexus for a little while now, and a thread lurker for long before that. Some of this is re-used from my introductory speech, only because I feel I explained myself well in this area. I just felt the need to post my absolute FIRST contact with dimethyltryptamine. The realities and experiences that DMT have brought into my life are a priceless gift I could never have anticipated or hoped for. In general, my life has been very rough, and as the title suggests, it seems as if the tests I have been through were preparation for multi-dimensional experience. I wonder if anyone else feels this way?
After a 14 year trek through group homes, boot camps, mental institutions, rehabs, as well as heavy dependency on heroin, I finally kicked the habit of self-destruction at age 25, and began to channel this INTENSE energy to other avenues of my life. I started a metal band, based around the ideals of love, acceptance, forgiveness, and the future of mankind. This band was my saving grace, my redemption, my salvation. It was the reason I spent half my life in hell. And after a year of successful shows, awards, parties, etc, my little bro (rhythm guitar) decided that he and the drummer were leaving the band, and told me he did not want to continue with a life of music making. This destroyed me. This band was everything my life had led to, it was my LIFEFORCE in musical form, and I was dropped like a sack of potatoes. I had no idea what the f*** I was gonna do.
Roughly four days later, not to mention many tears and questions later, a friend I had not spoken to in 5 years, literally called me out of the blue. We began catching up, talking about spirituality, and the pineal gland, when he asked me if I had ever heard of dmt. I told him yes, and that I was definitely interested. Truth was, I had only 'heard' of Dmt. To me, the word DMT sounded like a cold, synthetic drug created in a lab, and I had never really payed attention to it. I had always been more into LSD and MDMA, thinking I had reached the height of psychadlia already. HA. I did two days of research (this proved to be laughable), and set a day to meet with him, and try dmt. What led up to this is not important.
My 'friend' and I met up on a thursday night, much to my nervous anticipation. Weather bitter and cold, my girlfriend was at work for the next 5 hours, so timing was good. (she is aware of my drug-dependent past, and would have flipped if she saw me hitting a 'crack' pipe full of DMT). My friend's best explanation of what was about to happen was "expect nothing, prepare to know nothing". This was cryptic and intriguing at first, but after a while, it felt as if he were stalling due to my 'not understanding' how this may change me forever. After deciding we should eat first, and upon returning to my pad, I saw that it was 6:25pm, 35 mins until I had to go get my girlfriend from work. Not wanting this opportunity to be lost, I turned to my friend and insisted that we proceed with the experience.
After taking "the machine" out of a little bag in his pocket, he proceeded to load it with roughly 65mg of orange dmt. After melting it into the neck of the bottle, he convinced me that the 3-hit breakthrough was the only way to go, and because I had no idea of the true intensity of this experience, I accepted this. As the lighter flickered, and danced back and forth into the steel wool like an egyptian goddess, I hit the pipe as hard as I could, once, then twice, both times blowing out incredible clouds of smoke. I attempted to take the third toke, but I noticed my lungs just kept filling to no end..this was a hint as to what was to come.. (friend later told me that it seemed to him that my whole life had been leading up to this moment). Well, after I exhaled, WOW. Within seconds, I got the strange hum I used to experience when gas huffing (i was 13, and in the middle of a swamp in louisiana, so give me a break). Immediately I was blasted out of my body, high into the etheral dimensions. Still sitting up (didn't know what position was best), I was TERRIFIED. Within a moment, I got the distinct feeling this was REAL, more REAL than the dream that was my life. As I launched up though shards of color-changing geometry and sacred symbols while sitting on the edge of my bed, I caught a glimpse of the blue four-armed goddess Shiva! I'm not even into indian spirituality! She was a beautiful glowing royal blue, and I remember thinking how well of a job human artists have done capturing this archetype!
As I past this being, out of no where, I was in a lush green valley, surrounded by green mountains. I was sitting on an indian style meditation rug crosslegged...but, I was not me! I had the form of a man, but I was made up of billions upon trillions of little rainbow strobing spheres! Looking at my body in absolute awe, I remember thinking "oh man, if this is what being god-like is, I LOVE IT!" Yet, I looked to each side, and realized that I was alone. This realization of having no one there brought the idea that I may never see my love again! Nor my family! I had died, this much I was sure, but I panicked. As soon as this realization struck,I muttered to my friend "I'm gonna puke" and as I laid back onto my bed, my spirit fell into another dimension.
As soon as I arrived, I was held down by alien beings, I could feel the hard medical table underneath me, but could not see their faces. These beings held my right eye open, and I could feel pricking sensations at different locations on the outside of my body. I could hear scissors snipping in the background, and realized my friend was with these beings...I looked up to see him dressed in a white robe, wearing a crystal quark necklace. He was mixing something in a bowl on my table, which was no longer a wooden table, but a stone slab. I got the distinct feeling of realizing that I was being healed on another level of existence. Yeah, a "friend" brought some dmt over and let me try it...but on another level, my friend was a spiritual entity, bringing me an elixr that would dispose of the toxic energies I've been holding in me for so long. I did not realize this until afterwards.
Once the molecule could tell I was beginning to freak out (I thought my friend had set this up with the aliens), it lowered me to a place where I literally had a conversation with my higher self...I was shaking, I was crying, I could not make sense of this beautiful, tremendous, appalling thing that is eternity in its true form...I was literally looking at a carbon copy of myself, except my oversoul glowed a gorgeous luminescence. It began asking me questions about what I wanted to do with my life, but the most amazing part was, It led me to the answer of my questions by questioning me...it asked why I was so sad, and i told it that it was because I had lost the band with my brother. It asked me why? In between tears, I stuttered "because i pushed him too hard, I was so obsessed with making it so I could do good things!" asked me what I would do if I *Had* made it big in music, to which I answered "bring happiness to my family and friends"...My soul smiled at me, winked, and disappeared, and I was back in my room, with my friend staring at me smiling.
The ride to get my girlfriend was a quiet drive, as was the rest of the night. I proceeded to do the normal 'human' things that we do, but things were different...every step I took, every breath I took, I questioned it...A deep intrigue which I have never been accustomed to, I could feel it traveling through my veins, binding itself deep into the cores of my DNA.. It was obvious to me that a gift of immeasurable possibility had been dropped into my lap, and with great power comes great responsibility. I knew deep in my bones, despite my terrible math/science/chemistry skills, (which are practically none by the way) I was going to extract, and continue what had been started on this fateful night. I knew that this was not only the beginning of a whole new life of existence for me, but it is also a way to aquire new ideas and ideals for our species, and I'm still learning, to this day, the possibilities that this substance holds for mankind. It reminds me of a quote I've seen on the nexus, "you don't find DMT, DMT finds YOU"...I believe this to be true. And I could not be more full of life. Thank you, EXISTENCE.
"The search for Truth is the Greatest, if not, most Sensible form of Rebellion."