Yesterday SWIM ingested 300mg harmaline/harmine extract from syrian rue, and 70mg freebase dmt. He had a wonderful experience and decided to share here a few of the insights and thoughts he went through.
First of all let me ask a quick question, maybe someone can answer. How much lemon juice/water would theoretically be enough to redissolve the said amounts of freebase harmalas or dmt ? Its the second time SWIM does this but it didnt all completely dissolve in either case using half a glass of warm water plus half or even one full lemon, mixing for 5 minutes. Maybe it was just too dense and SWIM should have waited more?
In any case, SWIM drank it the harmalas (tastes bitter), and then the dmt (also doesnt taste nice) 30 mins later. It all occured in a nice comfortable quiet house with nature outside. First effects started just as SWIM took the dmt, but were probably from the harmalas: a light headedness and something resembling sleepyness but not exactly.
SWIM put on
psykovsky - da budet cd, and WOW, it fits so perfectly. The sounds are really dmt-ish and it affects the closed eyed visuals in an impressive way. Matrix-style alien insectoid spaceships arriving, but everything really organic and with a 'roots,underground' feeling to it. Indigenous knowledge is also represented in the whole story, but no cheesy samples as usual in electronic music. Recommended to all psychonauts. Remember to listen first time in a psychedelic consciousness, you wont regret it
Anyways during this seeming eternity of being immersed in incredible soundscapes (which actually lasted just a bit over an hour), a nausea started setting in. SWIM had felt this before in pharmahuasca, and it starts with feeling the taste of dmt in the back of the throat. Drinking water doesnt help. last time SWIM had watermellon juice which worked perfectly but this time not.
its funny how events, sensations and emotions are linked together in some kind of 'memory complexes'. All of this nausea was reconnecting SWIM to this very peculiar feeling one goes through before purging in an ayahuasca session. Together with the first autonomic bodily functions that begin to point out one might vomit, a certain force going up, there seems to be a kind of energetic process that accompanies the physical part but in a deeper level.
SWIM remembered when in indigenous rituals he felt the connection with all the people in the ritual and with all the people who had ever participated or will participate in such events, as if all are linked in some kind of non-temporal chain. Whenever someone purged, SWIM felt like he was with them, and when he purged he felt like he wasnt alone. This time was no different. Also there is always the feeling of 'spirits' around, somehow 'sucking' on your energy but not necessarily in a bad way, but as if they are interested in our doings. Its as if the different possibilities of people that 'could' exist spring in and out of existence and maybe one can see a face in the vision or hear some words or so on. Reminds me of all this story in physics of 'virtual particles' also springing in and out of existence out of knowhere. If there are really spirits in a literal sense or its something else, it doesnt really matter, but during the experience there is this very distinct feeling that different emotions/behaviors/experiences magnetically attract different kinds of beings. So whenever SWIM purges, the same kinds of energies seem to come up.
Some people have an aversion to purging and consider it as a 'side-effect', but SWIM gets it even with the pure alkaloids. On one level it could be simply the serotonine signalling in the guts and this maybe could be prevented with ginger, but SWIM enjoys it, which brings us to another important aspect SWIM wanted to talk about:
Suffering. In all kinds of ancient traditions we see how suffering is an integral and necessary part of existence. This is in a LOT of sufi teachings, also the mystic gurdjieff talked about 'intentional suffering' as one of the paths to developing the consciousness. Fakhirs, people dieting and all these isolation practices are also related to this.
Nevertheless, this is not limited to spiritual traditions. 'No pain no gain' is quite a known motto. When a mom raises a baby she knows if she doesnt take him out of the comfort of her lap and he falls and 'suffers' on the ground, he will never learn to walk. One of the constant themes of ayahuasca (at least for SWIM) seems to be exactly this. Mama Aya (or the alkaloids/our mind/whatever) is helping us 'feel' our faults that we ignored/repressed, its a necessary suffering so it makes us learn how to walk.
So this long uncomfortable moments with aya/pharmahuasca, the purging and all these things make the bliss parts be even more memorable. It brings about an unparalleled appreciation for life and for others. At some point it came to SWIM's mind a thread in the drugs forum where a mom was asking for advice as her son had gone to peru to take ayahuasca and had come back with a paranoid psychosis. SWIM wished her and her son's soul the best, and blessed them in his mind. This obviously brought SWIM to think about his mom which is thousands of kms away in Dreamland. He felt his heart squeezing from the love he has for all that she is and represents. He smiled, thinking she was good, healthy, and he wished her the best also. This love extended to all his family, his friends, his wife and her family, the nexus people (yes haha) and eventually to just everyone in the planet. SWIM soon after the trip called his mom and dad, to tell how much he loved her.
Its just so incredible how these substances bring some very down-to-earth practical realizations and teachings (be good to people, be healthy, study, etc) even though these earthly ideas are given by shape-shifting alien insectoid beings in a fractal wrapping haha.
SWIM is so thankful for these substances. They are big reminders, like alarm clocks for us to 'wake up' and start living life fully, 'paying for our existence' by living responsibly, being good to others and constantly trying to self-improve (and also enjoying and having fun together, of course).
Big respect for existence