Hey All,
So I have spent a lot of time in the last 20 some odd years pursuing enlightenment. I have practiced meditation, focusing, controlling my folly, being in the moment, losing personal history, remaking myself, so on and so on. On a good sober day I spend more time in the moment, in contemplation, at this point in my life, than a normal person could ever conceive, coming from the perspective of what has been a normal to me.
One of my first true realizations as a seeker was a test I came across, to watch the second hand of a clock and attempt to not have thoughts enter my head for one minute (I believe). I came to realize, in a matter of seconds, I had no control over my mind, it was on autopilot, even when I was trying to turn it off and drive as I saw fit.
When you think about all the people in the world, the state of it at this moment, you realize there are a lot of people in control that likely have no control. They have no power over their own mind, their life is playing out like a windup toy. This set me to path, today I can stroll a mile, watch a clock, lie in bed and I can focus on my focus, be of the moment. This may not seem like much, to sit with a quiet mind, but for those that can do it, it is an impossible feat.
This also set in motion the understanding of metaphors such as vampires and zombies. The zombies are among us, they are on autopilot, living out their days, thinking they are aware, thinking they are making decisions and they are but they are not. They are herded, like sheep, to and fro, being told what to consume, what to desire and then they simply make the choices to do so, as if by freewill.
The vampires feed, they have huge systems upon which they ride, sucking the life form the lifeless. The empires of the day, the elite, they take with no understanding, no conscience, they could not stop if they wanted to for their thirst knows no end. This is the world I live in, awake and aware. But only as long as the darkness lasts, the veil, to be lifted, will be the dawn of a new day.
My mid-life crisis occurred at 18, and even before that I was on a path. That path was hard, at times inescapable, it was filled, in my inner world, without doubt, pain, suffering, loneliness and all types of dark things I wished only ever to escape. Those things came from the perceptions of the world I lived in, a world I internalized, that had no deep, meaningful answers. It started so young and seemed to go on for an infinity. What I realized, in my crisis, was that there was basically nothing I held onto that I could not let go, that would set me free.
This is something that some people get to experience much like DMT, the loss of a loved one, a near death experience, a life changing event that was sudden and forceful and had world-turning understanding, that there is nothing we can hold onto, it must all be let go. This was not the case for me, I had no peaceful existence up to some moment, I had moments of joy and happiness but those were my moments of escape before I was drug back to my cell.
What I have done over my life was to figure out balance, how to live in the world, taking what I need and leaving the rest. In this I maintained myself as I went through the process of deconstructing my inner world. It has been a very long and slow process but as the moments go by, the years have passed, ever more rewarding. My wife, who I am immensely grateful for, played a big role in slowing that progress down, at the cost of having someone in my life that I fully trust and a life more in balance than I would have likely known alone.
In my world, I was born into darkness, and I fought through day after day, seeking the light. As I have aged that light has come upon me and in my years spent I have freed myself from all that I have known, and it was light that drove out the darkness and when that new day shown the darkness could do nothing but recede.
As a species, as humanity, I see us at the end of a long night, where we run rampant with the mindless, feeding upon one another but in the dawn of a new day the zombies will turn out to have only been in slumber and the vampires will flee the light and the world as we know it will change in an instant, again, with the lifting of the veil. We are the evolution at the door of creation.
Do you have someone you trust completely. Do you have someone you can believe in with everything in you? Do you have faith in someone that should you ever need them you know they would be there? I have made this a reality in my world and this is how I choose to relate to people. Should my trust, belief or faith in these people be shattered, then so be it, but until that time it is there, given freely as to experience that in my world. Hell is never having these things, not losing them, for in the end, everything is lost, bliss is knowing they were attained. This is choice, freewill.
There is a life of experience here I could discuss, but today, in the world I live, I see myself as but a ghost (I am do not see myself as a ghost or vampire, my biggest challenge, to become neither) to all but my most inner circle. Nobody knows who I am, from these words here, you know now more about me than people I have spent the last 10 years working with, they will never know me as more than a mystery, once they get past their judgements.
Why is this? Because long ago I figured out people have very little power over what they cannot judge. For this reason I dress a certain way, I behave a certain way, I interact a certain way and in work I have been very successful. I enjoy also not holding judgements against many of the people I know and work with, to any depth or degree, for beyond their worth for the purpose they provide I have no details of their lives.
This may seem shallow but I think it to be rather deep. The most humane thing I can do for another person is give them back the moments of their life I would otherwise take, by simply not taking them in the first place. At any rate, I practice this as the way I walk through life on a daily basis. At this point in time my greatest desire is to find a way to provide value and contribute to humanity in a way that my work is my gift and not what I must give.
As it stands I feel no less a slave than simply what a slave is. I must work to have what I do, I do not work it will be taken from me for my worth is not valued beyond the hours I last spent. This is my next challenge for myself, to alter this. As it stands I have provided for my family for 20 years. My wife has stayed home, I have a son with disabilities that lives with me and a daughter, all of which are tended very well by the worth I have attained for myself, but only as long as I tend to it daily.
What I do understand is that I must give and not sacrifice. My gifts come free and willingly that no part of myself is slain in the process, nothing of my is consumed for I understand and accept what must be given and do so in the most intentional way which I can. I am not forsaken and I do not forsake. This was not easy to come by, not when the world I found myself born into was a place so dark I thought it would do nothing but consume me.
Yet still I want my freedom. The freedom I bear now is that internal to myself, to my inner world, there I am master, I have power there others choose not to exercise. But this vehicle of mine is bound yet again not only to myself but to you and the world. The world is the vehicle from which I now desire to be free.
So many things to say, so many connected items to touch upon, so little time, it is sad I must waste mine doing mindless work for the profit of others when I could be offering them all so much more, could that I simply pursue myself.
Lets go off track, what is profit? Profit is what is recognized as the excess value that was attained from something produced. In the realm of physics profit does not exist. Profit is constructed by mankind and in the roots of all of our history we can see the failures of profit. How can a man take more than he has earned and keep a system in balance? It is not possible, it may go on for a long period of time, but eventually this will lead to collapse.
In days of old our empires where silo's, today they are interconnected, as our systems collapse due to unsound working principles the impact will be much more significant, on scale, than we have known in the past. I think this is how we prophesied futures such as Armageddon and Apocalypse, as much as night turns to day these cycles must play out and when we awaken in the new dawn likely we will not see ourselves fall to slumber again as the sun sets upon another coming night.
Off track again, what is the veil? For us, the veil is what separates us from another. It is what separates of from scale. Scale of ourselves in the normal waking state is that of self. DMT shows that scale can exist on a much beyond what we know. In a spiritual light, the scale we see goes far beyond our self, transcends self. We step into the reality of a another vehicle but only as an observer, we do not transcend wholly to some place, we find ourselves again in this vehicle. But I think this reality has so much potential to be what it is not, should we wake the sleeping and drive out those consuming them.
Let us use our experience to not accept what is but change it. Our legacy will be what survives the moment for we are of the fittest, the path of evolution upon the doorstep of creation and the world we know will be no more. I believe in the living moment this transition will occur, as it has occurred in many scales in the past.
The funny thing, is only a couple generations and we will all be awake, as adam and eve stepped out of the garden, none of us are sparred not knowing knowledge. There will be no slumbering awareness left of those who are as of this time for they will have ceased to exist as such, awake and aware in the dawn of a new day. And that, which will have been this great moment upon us, shattering the darkness, will slowly transition, generation upon generation, forgetting what this time was like, another setting sun.
Now how this actually happens cannot be told only that it will happen as much as the cycle of all things exist, in the moment.
Quagsmire