I have woken up into some intense experiences and had some trouble falling back asleap but nothing I would refer to as "bad"..I should mention that I had these experiences anyway without taking anything but when I take harmalas or melatonin before sleep they occur much more frequently and take hold in a stronger way. I know people here hate the whole pineal-DMT connection theory, but something is going on here..I tend to think that I do have endogenous DMT and pinoline experiences, whatever the mechanisms behind them.

Kinkyking, you've hit the wall, congratulations your days of using any psychoactive substances are over. I only say this because we are in the same boat my friend, and I know painstakingly well the mental states you've been to and your fear of returning to them. Why did this happen, you might ask, as I once did. What the hell was that place and why did I experience it? What does it all MEAN???? It is way too easy to dwell on the past, and the most simple advice i can give you is: DO NOT. After my continuing buildup of bad experiences until I realized I was a fool to even try, I fell into a dark depression, searching for anything to return me to the joy and wonder I had for these states of mind. I sought professional help, but quite frankly everyone I talked to hadn't the slightest clue to what I had experienced, but sometimes it is nice to talk about what happened to you. The best advice I got from those individuals was: Do not dwell on what happened. In psychiatric practice, there are two ways or dealing with a past trauma. When one has a particularly terrible accident such as a car crash, typically the psychiatrist will get the patient to relive every detail so as they can move on from the experience. This is the exact opposite of what was recommended to me and since i stopped trying to dwell on what happened and why, i have been much more mentally stable and relaxed. The second and seemingly simple advice they gave me was MEDITATE. I don't know what your spiritual practice is, if any, but meditation techniques can be completely secular and if you truly want to understand the intricacies of existence there is no better tool than your own mind. Obviously you've seen the power of your own thoughts by now or you wouldn't be posting this, but you should understand that your thoughts are powerless when you cease to try and control them. Meditation is hard, much harder than dropping a dose or inhaling smoke, but the rewards from taming your own mind are unparalleled. I would also like to add that my brother was much worse than me in that he was in a state of extreme psychosis and schizophrenia for over a year (brought on by abusing psychedelics) , contemplating suicide and completely depressed, and his thoughts on mediCation are that it only buries the issue deeper into your subconscious, instead of confronting it face to face. Oh and on a side note, it is interesting that melatonin helps for you, to me it only compounded my psychosis and led to the loop quicker than you can imagine, but everyone's chemistry is different; however i would still encourage you to look for solutions in yourself, for they are the strongest of all. Sorry for the length but i know how you feel and feel free to PM me if you want to talk more and Good Luck to you and to us all!

So you realized the tail end of the coin. All is your creation, which means nothing so you say. That is until you realize the other side of the same coin. All is your creation, which means everything.

I'v been where you were at after doing some very pure LSD, I just never came down, so it seemed. I would go from feeling "normal" to being right back at peak high. Experiencing endless loops or cycles, if someone was talking to me, I knew what he would say how it would unfold.It took very little to start this shift, any kind of minor stress like meeting a new person, or a new experience, a cup of coffee was a guarantee for a shift.
Long story short, I was in this state for over two years. What helped me cope was chanting, and I'm not advising you to chant, only saying it helped me. For you it might be something else. What ever helps put the ego aside for a while, because thats what it's really about, no me, no problem. But in retrospect it might have made my life easier if I had gone to a shrink. On the other hand I might still be on medication. LOL I came through it myself, it was a hard and lonely time. Get yourself someone to love thats what made me whole, or grounded. Peace my friend, and I'm sending you lots of love, you;l find your way home, we all do eventually.

glad to know you are doing fine kinkyking

I haven't had time to read the whole thread, but from what I've read I can see there are some seriously good opinions on here. I respect you guys so much for the way you combat these ideas! I haven't been in the same boat as the OP, but I've been wondering about the same questions of existence, and this thread has definitely put a lot into focus for me, particularly this from Enoon.

There's not much to add really, except that, in my opinion, I wouldn't go to a mental health professional at this stage. It seems like you're feeling better now anyway, but I would resist having anything that could go on your record until you really really need it. That's just my opinion, and I know there are ppl who would say go and get evaluated straight away, and I don't know better than them at all, but if it was me, I'd give it more time before going down that route.

Kinkyking, sounds to me like you are indeed waking up like the others have said . It looks like you need some good "grounding" work to help you get back into the "normal??" plane of existense, such as being with your family, walks in the nature, good diet, and vigorous exercise. I wouldn't at this point blame the DMT wholly for the state you find yourself in. Did you do the proper research, and get the set, setting, dose right- Do you have a good groundwork in psychadelics, or was this your first big experience out of the blue, etc???

I've been where you are. I can only advise what i think is best:

-Dont seriously entertain solipsism. Descartes approach of doubt is philisophically brilliant but if you start really considering it as a true alternative it isnt debateable or falsifiable. To counter that kind of approach, just look at science- testable facts. trust in that, it wont hurt.

Secondly, try and not spend too much time dwelling on your thoughts. Get things done, stay healthy, exercise, read. You'l process the information, just dont dwell on it,

dont get into self diagnosis, if you really fear a mental issue, get yourself evaluated by a professional. The DSM is difficult to dicipher and is only really a guidline by which a professional will diagnose you.

Remember, a mental illness is only an illness if it stops you functioning and surviving on a day to day basis. Beyond that, its just a different way of thinking or behaving. No harm in that, the real innovators of history all thought differently from the social norm.

try all this before you entertain the thought of meds. They are devastating and never ending.

And finally, PM me if i can help at all man; here for a chat. especially a good philisophical discussion if its nagging on your mind.

If you are having to take melatonin supplements to keep you from thinkin things aren't real you have a severe deficiency. Melatonin is metabolized ultimately from L-tryptophan. It might be that your not getting enough from diet or that something is wrong with you which I would suggest seeing a doctor and finding out why your body isn't metabolizing melatonin correctly.

Tryptophan is an essential amino acid which means your body doesn't make it, you need it in your diet. You may have a some sort of condition that could get worse unless you seek treatment.

I'm glad you ok though that sounds extremely scary!

I concur with most others here as it really doesn't sound like schizophrenia, but more like an existential crisis. Some calls to the adventure can be ignored or suppressed, but in most cases..it cant. It becomes an inalienable path. Learn to work with through various disciplines whether it be meditation, breathwork, physical stressors such as intense exercise or running. Also do things that drive that inquisitive spark...reading, writing, music (making or listening to), documentaries,etc. If you include any number of these in your daily life I can probably guarantee that you'll see a 180 in everything from how you view yourself and the world. Your emotions will start to stabilize and your well being will start to be restored.

I used to be in a very similar boat to you. A few years back I had an extremely intense oral dmt experience and it had ripped me apart from limb to limb. I would try to stand up and I would just continue to fall over onto my bed, and each time I fell to hit my bed I would be blasted through hyperspace and literally into another realm where I was seeing myself in a different area of reality/the world....such as in colorado, my back yard, florida, etc. This went on for a few hours and it was the most intense experience i've ever had. To realize that I am not bound by the physicality of time/space. I cried for hours afterwards once the experience settled. I took over a year and a half off ALL psychedelics due to this. I had alot of work to do in terms of picking up the scattered pieces. I spent alot of time doing many of the things I was suggesting above. Slowly but surely I started to synch back into my life and keep on keepin on. This took MANY months and felt as if I'd NEVER get back on track.............but I did. And I can't even describe now how good I feel in terms of health, happiness, and mental freedom. I certainly thought I was going mad for months. I shunned all my friends away and pretty much all my social life except for my job. I was literally a recluse for over a year. But in that year I learned more about myself and the world around me than all the past years combined.

Bottomline.....this takes time...and effort on your part. You can do it just as many before you have and will continue to do.

-tat tvam asi

You are able to observe your own thoughts! When you go into that habit of going in a loop of non existence you are able to interrupt that thought in many ways like Chanting, meditating, exercising, and Dancing. Remember you are even observing your own thoughts so there is something that exists that is able to observe yourself... to put it in simple terms think of life as an infinite music, so dance and stop freaking about the beginning or the end. It was never about the end or the beginning, it is about now and has always been about now, today, about right now. Enjoy it breath in an feel the love around you.

^ good advice...

This is part of the reason that I choose to treat both my dreams and psychedelic experiences as real in accordance with the traditional practice of shamanism. I believe that by allowing the possibility that these experiences can be real that it allows me to be more flexible with my belief systems...

DMT will snap any rigid and brittle belief system like a twig...

MY point is.....so what if your hearing voices? maybe the voices have something important to say... And if the voices are telling you to go out and kill people then tell the voices to fuck off and figure out a way to get rid of them .....besides "medication".

A shaman does not ever lose his marbles because he known that in reality he had no marbles to lose to begin with. Nearly everything we as humans percieve to be true about the "concrete reality" is a is a delusional illusion based on jumped to conclusions.

Consider educating yourself about shamanism.. get wisdom, get discernment. Don't trust that science and psychology will have all your answers, some things are meant for you to figure out on your own. I don't mean to sound like I'm pushing my beliefs, these are just my humble suggestions.

IMO many people who have schizophrenia may be extraordinarily gifted individuals who can see clearly into the spiritual realm. Conflict arises within these individuals and they often times become disturbed IMO because they are not offered any explanation for the intense sensory imput they are recieving on a constant basis other than being told that they suffer from "insanity" in one form or another...


STOP TELLING YOURSELF YOUR CRAZY AND MAYBE YOU WILL STOP FEELING SO CRAZY..... EH?

-Just my advice no offense intended, I do understand that psyhcedelics can completly transform your day-to-day reality into a living salvador Dali painting. Just don't let it get to you.... have fun with it. Reality is a reflection of you. If you are more playful and light hearted towards reality it will begin to seem less and less grimm as it reflects your attitude back to you.

take care-

-E