I'll start by saying that I have never possessed any DMT outside of my dreams. Every experience I mention here has happened within my own dreams, were DMT is legal, unlike in our world.
Up till a few days ago, I have only smoked DMT. I've smoked it 5-10 times at varying doses, and while I had a lot of respect for the chemical, and experienced several astonishing breakthroughs, I have never felt like I really got much out of it. All my experiences felt very strange and alien, and although some were truly beautiful and enjoyable, I was always a bit uncomfortable with them. I was never really able to integrate them at all, and I just remembered how complex and bizarre and advanced everything seemed. I didn't like that, I like to feel that psychedelics give me insight and understanding, or at the very least something thought inspiring, and DMT had offered me none of that. Mostly because of all the hype around it, I knew that I was missing out on the intellectual/spiritual benefits that most everyone else seemed to be experiencing.
I ended up realizing that being rapidly flung into and out of "hyperspace" all within 10 minutes time was perhaps not the best way to facilitate truly getting to know the chemical and all that it has to offer. It gave me no time to think, and only time to be overwhelmed. That is why I turned to Pharmahuasca:
Hours after completing my last final for the year, I decided that it was a good time to try Pharmahuasca. I had only eaten an apple that day, and that was hours before. I grounded up 3 grams of Syrian Rue seeds and put the powder into capsules. I swallowed all of the capsules along with 2 ginger capsules to help with nausea. I waited approximately 45 minutes, then swallowed a capsule containing 40 mg of DMT. My girlfriend and my roommate wanted to watch TV, so I reluctantly joined them for the first few minutes, knowing that I wouldn't want to later, and that I'll want to stop as soon as effects started creeping on. After the episode of Arrested Development was over, and about 20 minutes after I had taken the DMT, I offered them both to go on a quick walk. They both agreed and we walked for about 30 minutes before it started raining too hard. Even prior to the walk, I was feeling the same uncomfortable alien-feeling that I would get from smoked DMT, but I think the walk calmed that feeling down a bit and let me relax and enjoy nature. When we got back I still was only feeling light effects, so decided to wait 15 minutes, lying in bed, and then take 20 mg more in a capsule. The trip was already starting to pick up when I took it, but I somehow felt like taking more was the right thing to do. I laid in bed with my eyes closed beside my napping girlfriend and allowed my thoughts to wander.
Most of the trip I am unable to remember/explain, but I will do my best. I mostly spent the come-up observing and thinking about what was happening, and soaking it all in. Although I was uncomfortable with the familiar feeling at first, just a few minutes of laying there assured me that everything will be alright. The trips intensity was kind of comparable to being in the ocean, were occasionally a big wave comes and knocks you off balance for a few seconds, except I had experienced it as a strange white flash that would sometimes come about. I guess if you want to keep the analogy going you can say that I started at low tide, then moved to high and finally back to low. I began to really enjoy everything that was happening, although I would occasionally become a little nauseous. Probably an hour after taking my booster dose, and approaching the peak I suddenly became sick and rushed to the bathroom to puke. Although I was a bit disoriented, I still managed to brush my teeth, briefly talk to my roommate and return to bed.
The peak had now started (breakthrough-esque) and I began to really focus on the idea of how very strange it is that anything can actually exist. It seemed like it didn't actually make very much sense that things do really exist. This train of thought eventually led me to think about how absolutely unfathomable it was that I was even able to experience anything, to feel anything, or to sense anything. I remember that it was my observations of how my consciousness was shifting from thing to thing, and how new ideas flowed into newer ideas, that greatly contributed to the overall theme of wonder over how my very existence was even possible. All the while, I had my girlfriends steady breathing to help me keep rhythm, and a bird was chirping outside, which made me think about other lifeforms, and how they too most likely were able to also experience life, and how magical that in itself was. I thought about how DMT was released upon death, and I was unable to come to a conclusion as to why that is, but all the while I realized that really a lack of anything (death) made much more sense than a presence of anything (life). It seemed as though death was the normal thing, and it was actually life and physical and experiential existence that was truly divine. I thought of God, and how DMT was often connected with it by others. To me, I didn't really think of a "God" necessarily, but it seemed like life and existence of anything within itself was worthy of being considered divine. I didn't know what was the real cause behind the existence of a universe or experience, but no matter what it was I recognized its great wonder.
Joyful tears were running down my eyes, and I couldn't help but twitch with joy. My girlfriend woke up and seemed happy to see me like that. She tried interacting with me a bit, and I was able to say a few words here and there.
We cuddled as I came down, and then engaged in intercourse, and by the time we were done, the "trip" was completely over, and light effects lingered for another few hours.
That night, I slept for four hours, woke up for two, and then went back to sleep for another few hours. The second time I went back to sleep I had extremely vivid dreams, and even experienced the same large wave sensations that I had experienced during the trip as I lay there starting to fall back asleep.
To make a long story short, Pharmahuasca was much better for me, and allowed me to finally get acquainted and extract meaning from DMT. I was pleased with how the experience turned out in every way (except maybe the vomiting). I loved the 60mg dosage, but think that maybe next time I'll try an 80mg dosage to see what that's like.
Thank you all for reading. I know it was long. Thanks to those that got through it all.