Hi guys, i dont know why im posting this....why on here, i guess its because i respect you guys opinions. Youre a smart bunch.

Well, a parent of mine got diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer- its spread to a few places. She doesnt have much left... Im the youngest of the family and im trying to stay strong for everyone.

but im lost. I try to keep a smile, keep people laughing; the parent and the family....

the thing is, some times it hits me and i feel terrible. My brain seems to be 'forgetting' about it a lot, im pushing it to the side. I cant help it though, it seems to just be a defence mechanism. when i realise, i feel horrible for doing that aswell- just not thinking about it.

I also seem to be rationalising things ALOT. dealing with it from a purely rational point- whether its that i try to argue death is just passing. That death for the person is okay (either its a transitional thing to a greater place or its an end of pain- nothingness to me is almost a positive thing. At least in the sense that they wont be upset about it once it happens) I try to say that as long as she's happy and without pain, im okay. but again, i know this is just a coping mechanism.

I dont know if i have a question, or a discussion to start?

i guess, how would you deal with it? how have you? Any ideas how i can emotionally get involved in this?

i guess i just needed to vent...

So sorry to hear about his.. I can't imagine what you must be going through <3

I've had a few family members, and a bunch of friends parents get cancer..but never my parents

I'm not sure i can be of much emotional help here, but my heart goes out to you and the fam. I guess psychedelics have just given me a weird and accepting outlook on death. When it comes, i would much rather celebrate the persons life with joy and fond reminiscence than being stuck in a constant state of despair..and i know this is what they would want me to do as well. (although mourning can be healthy of course and part of the process).

Deaths a part of life that everything alive right now or in the past has, or will, go through.. so that alone leads me to see it as less of a terrible thing than how many people seem picture it. personally, i often doubt it is an endpoint of pure nothingness. Everything in this universe and in life is so unfathomably complex and bizarre, so why should death be any different? I don't have any solid opinions on it though.. and regardless of what happens i think the best thing you can do is to enjoy the time you have with them, be cheerful around them (they surely wouldn't enjoy seeing you sad all the time and it will enrich the time they have) and celebrate the life they've lived in a positive way

I would also try to not be so hard on yourself. I'm sure they don't want you beating yourself up about it. Its not your fault, and its normal to go through some heavy emotional turmoil of all sorts at this time. Just be yourself, be good to them, enjoy they're company, and you wont' have to worry about how to "get emotionally involved" in this as you say. it will just flow naturally

just my 2 cents

much love to you brother (or sista)! keep us posted

honestly, i really appreciate the sentiments. Thank you.

I'm very sorry to hear this. My heart goes out to you and your family.

I don't have much if any experience with things like this, but for advice, perhaps you should try and look at the bright side, as hard as that may be. Every cloud has a silver lining. In this case, although it may be early, you get an opportunity you may not have gotten otherwise. You get the chance to say goodbyes, and celebrate her life with her while she's still around rather than her passing unexpectedly. You're given time to think about and come to terms with her passing before it happens.

I don't mean to seem like I'm taking your situation lightly, but I guess what I'm trying to say is be positive, even if it seems difficult to do so.

I wish you the best.

My gf's sister is in surgery for cancer at this moment. Whenever she is upset, she simply calls her sister on the phone and has a nice long chat with her. My gf always hangs up the phone with a big loving smile on her face. My Prayers goes out to your family and your mother, I wish you the BEST.

My gf and I watched a documentaryBurzynski The Movie(about a doctor who might have cured cancer) over the weekend. We watched it with a bit of skeptism, but It's worth a look IMO (if you haven't already).

Hello unansweredquestions,

I can relate to where your coming from and I am sad for you. Personally all I can tell you is what worked for me.

DMT helped me to "cope" with the death of people who were close to me. As crazy as it may sound I would suggest that you travel to hyperspace and try to find some answers there, I would be willing to bet that the universe has something to show you that may be helpful.

I don't deal well with death of others. After DMT I have acquired a slightly different view on the death of myself. But when it comes to losing someone important, I try to hold myself together as well as I can, but when the wave hits I let go and let it out. This works for me. I believe that you shouldn't try and rationalize TOO much. The way I see it, it's like trying to convince yourself you don't care so you won't show it. I think it's important to show it in the form of bawling your frickin eyes out. I am so sorry for you. It is going to be hard. You will make it through. Always know that it's the pain you feel of the loss, that is the strength of your love.

It's important to find someone that you can talk with frequently about the situation you are going through. The best is someone who is going through it as well. cry together talk of the good times, talk of the future without this person in your lives ect. This helped me very much.

I had an uncle commit suicide about 4 years ago. My dad had been losing lots of friends to death as he's getting older. He had just gone through a couple within the last few months when I got the call from my cousin telling me of my uncle.

I was shocked, but the hardest thing to comprehend at that very moment was how the f*** am I going to be able to tell this to my dad. And I knew I had to be the one. When I heard the tone in his voice as soon as the words left my mouth I started bawling uncontrollably.

We had gone up to stay with my other uncle who had found him for a week to go trough his things and take care of some stuff. A cousin of mine and I used eachother to vent our emotions. Mainly bawling. It helped tremendously and we became very close due to this.

You will have your calm and logical times.

You will have your moments of weakness.

Both of these are signs of strength. Love be with you.

If you need someone to talk to you are welcome to PM me anytime or reply here.

I think your feelings are very normal. Rationalising things, or 'forgetting' is just the way to cope with something that hurts a lot. I know how you´re feeling. Sometimes 'forgetting' or rationalising is the only way to stay sane, when there´s this constant pressure on your soul of all these feelings and the fact that there´s nothing you can do about it.

When i lost someone dear to me, for months it seemed as if i had no feelings at all. As if i where a zombie. Then one day i sort of 'woke-up' again and it seemed as if all this pain and loss was something of a century ago. That´s probably how my mind managed to survive this loss. Maybe i would have gone completely mad if i wouldn´t have had this escape mechanism.

I wish there where words that i could say, to answer this unanswerable question for you. But i guess there just aren´t any.

Maybe sharing your pain with the rest of your family could help. That may be difficult. But when there´s a big elephant in the room no-one is talking about, it usually is a great relief to everybody when someone just breaks the ice and starts mentioning it.

Treat the time you have remaining with her as one of the most precious things you will ever be blessed with.

Know that what you're feeling is natural and real.

Remember that your love and support will be cherished more than any gift you'll ever give and that it's ok to weep and wail as needed.

I have been exactly where you are and wish you and your family all the love and peace imaginable.

Much love. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. It isn't easy to lose somebody you love, but It's a part of life. I know from my experience that time heals all wounds, and though nothing can replace our loved ones, we can still find them inside. My mother died when I was 16, I was not ready for it but given enough time, though I'm not over it, I feel good. I know she is in a better place, and I know she looks out on me. Ive learned to get over some of my own fear of dieing. Again much love friend.

just an update: been really busy- in and out of hospital.

I really do appreciate all the words of encouragement, advice and support. the love here is astounding.

Thanks guys! You couldnt dream of this kind of compassion from the general population.

Really gives me hope.

So again, thank you! your words are more help than you could imagine.

Just found this thread and wanted to give my support.

I know how you feel with this, for when I was 16 the woman that raised me and who I considered my mother, (she was not my biological mother however, for that woman is evil) had been battling cancer for a few years. It had gone into remission twice, but kept coming back. She had stage 4 melanoma and died shortly after.

I still find myself torn up about it every now and then, even though its been a few years since it happened. It was harder for me as well, since she was on hospice she was being taken care of at home. I had to watch her go into a coma for weeks.

After she passed I said all the things that you were saying. She is in a better place, or its a transition. Ultimately in the end it doesnt matter what you believe, all that matters is that you still remember the person. Love and cherish the moments you had with them, and never forget what they meant to you. For they will always be there in your heart or your mind. I wish you luck with this transition of your life and hope you do as well with it as I did.

I'm very sorry for anyone going through this i lost both my parents to cancer.
please please check out The Beautiful Truth if you want just click below.
If your using tor as i have been just go to youtube and type it in....
cancer seems to run all through my family i smoked for over 25yrs

i have followed this for sometime and have noooo signs what so ever
I'm 51 now past both my parents age and uncles and aunts and i can still climb a 2000ft tower
with the very best of them, i no longer smoke because i quit before doing my first hyperjump
and never looked back.....

Reading this thread makes me feel emotional. I haven't had much experience with cancer, besides a family friends father dying of lung cancer after it being repeatedly mis-diagnosed as 'water on the lung'. This was a healthy guy who was a non smoker and in the Army, so took great care of himself physically. It does seem to 'just happen' which I think is the scariest part.

What really made me feel emotional about this how ever is the fact that I worry about my Dad. He smokes at least 20 cigarettes a day and drinks heavily on a daily basis, and I know its just a matter of time until something happens. Our relationship has certainly had serious ups and downs over the last 10 years, and it's dawning on me that I haven't got much time to get back on good terms and enjoy our time together while it lasts. His doctor has already expressed serious concerns regarding his circulation. I need to move closer to them and be there for both him and my Mum. I feel like a selfish prick.

So my advice is to make the most of what you have. Don't squander this time and regret it later. This thread has given me a bit of a kick in the pants, so thank you. My heart goes out to you and your family in these dark days, my love and best wishes go out to all of you.