Quote:i call it fractal thought, because the patterns are the same. i have it before i egodeath on lsd; 'the ego's last stand' when it throws my subconscious and all it's nonsensical babble at me and expects me want to hold on to that. and then i let go.
I have experienced a similar phenomenon on high-dose pharma, I called it "thought-fracturing" or "shattering" but I can see it as "the ego's last stand"... There was this
very insistent pattern forming on everything, it was totally beautiful but it was STRONG. I could feel it overwhelming my psyche, blotting out my individual existence and subsuming me in my first "White-light" experience - and as it did, my thoughts were basically whirling out of control, very chaotic and repetitive... but not "repetitive" per se, more fractal like you said. Very off-the-hinges thought patterns.
I have also gained that perspective that perhaps the DMT-entities do not always want to be bothered with us. My most recent DXM experience showed that to me very clearly, as me being a mouse or varmint that keeps intruding into their "hyperspace" and at first they think it's cool and treat me nice but after a while they are just like "Get out of here little thing!".
It also seems good to realize, again, that our relative "Good" and "Evils" may not extend to hyperspace after all. I get that feeling a bit more strongly from vaporized or smoked DMT than other psychedelics, even oral DMT. This stuff is just a tool to travel, and it seems like an experimental vehicle or something, there isn't any protection against these sorts of things. Perhaps that is why ayahuasqueros do not recommend going too high on the "light"... perhaps they have already discovered that the DMT has some darker stuff in it, or is more dangerous for the general public to be using or something like that. I mean, I know about the brujos and everything, and perhaps this "darkness" that I experienced, or these "dark parasite entities" that you experienced are part of the repertoire of the Brujo. Perhaps these are what they make alliances with, perhaps this is the source of their power.
I have certainly noticed that most of the time, harmala makes the DMT experience more relative to life, and less light-speed techno-magical futuristic alien stuff, and more spirit and earth-stuff. Still liquid-golden-crystal. It seems the harmalas are really part of making the DMT workable. However, I had an experience with 26 mg of DMT a good 12 hours after 100 grams of cielo vine and it was this long, mocking, terrible experience in which I though I had permanently messed my brain up and I wasn't ever coming back (everyone seems to have that trip from time to time... maybe it's a real possibility with this stuff?).
After my "Darkness" episode, I waited 7 days, and jumped back in with pharma and then that night smoked both bufo and changa, maybe 50 mg changa tops... a little fear with the changa but no sign of the Darkness... I think this is largely from dosing too often.
As for my age, 20. I think the ages vary alot, there's plenty of more mature folks' experience around here as well.
Quote:It's kinda funny that you've mentioned that because I've felt the same way too. Sometimes it seems like a whole bunch of us get hit with negativity all at once, but I don't have any kind of empirical numbers to back it up, and it could very well just be projection where when we're having negative experiences, we tend to notice others' negative experiences more since perhaps we can relate to them more and they are more pertinent at the time. Kinda like with mood-congruent memory. When you're happy, you tend to have happy memories and when you're sad, you tend to have sad memories. I think perhaps it's kinda related to this phenomena.
It could very well be that we those who have recently had difficult experiences will see more of those, but at the same time it could very well be happening more. I suppose we will need to actually quantify the Difficult experiences, and sort them according to if they are a general "way too intense but *normal* DMT experience" or one of the Malicious, Dark, or "Evil" Spaces that I am talking about. Because there is a big difference. Sure, someone can be "scared" by the pure intensity of DMT... it's a very intense sensation to be blasted off at lightspeed and dissolved into atoms all at the same time, and that is basically what happens to me at 40mg plus of freebase - but that isn't menacing. That isn't anything to be concerned about, particularly. That is where the "let go" advice applies. But to these "Dark" experiences, I think "let go" is the wrong advice... in fact, I think a good "Fuck off!" is generally in order, and suprisingly enough it seems to back off... Also, so T. McKenna advice that I have seen work for myself many times is to "Sing" it back. This really works! Especially for general Too-intense ayahuasca/jurema/oral DMT experiences, but it works for changa too. I usually always enventually start singing in togues, which is always an amazing experience and no matter ho I felt before I feel great when I sing in tongues.
I still haven't started looking to actually do that work of quantifying and categorizing the "bad" trips, but I'll get around to it.
This is becoming a good discussion!
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Fairly responsible Kratom user.
"whenever he drank ayahuasca, he had such beautiful visions that he used to put his hands over his eyes for fear somebody might steal them."
in between the grinding-brakes of a train crash while aluminum-foil robots make obnoxious sex noises on a static-filled walkie-talkie radio.