Well, after more than 10 years of waiting and wondering, we have FINALLY met the Machine Elves. I am certain that I did not "break through", but both my mates did. We were in my basement, and the dehumidifier was running. As I exhaled my last hit, the white noise sound of the fan began to turn up and up in pitch, until all was consumed in a high-pitch hum, which seemed to be audible well above any pitch the human ear was designed to pick up. There was a being in front of me, a tower of eyes which seemed to rotate the way the rows of squares on a rubix cube turn. Under the eyes was a constantly turning, moving "cheshire cat" grin. I felt a fear whell up in me, not that the being was scary, but I began to think I was lost. I though of things I didn't want to loose, and as each thing I clinged to poped into my mind, the being deleted it from existence, like layers of an onion, till I was no more. And that was it, it was over. I didn't feel like I was inside a "space" or a dome the way that both my mates claimed, but I went first, and didn't get as deep a hit as both of them did. One of my mates (who has never had any experiences with psychedelics other than one time smoking Saliva) broke thorough and said "WONDERFUL!!! "It's so scary, but I'm not scared." This guy grew up in Communist China, and we both heard him say "There IS a God, isn't there! We don't have to be afraid of death, do we!"

All of us felt like this MUST be how it is to die. The experience that I had seemed so reminiscent of the "my life flashed before my eyes" experiences of so many NDE survivors. And the tower of eyes/rubix cube being was so much like the description of angels in the Old Testiment, as beings of wings and fire and eyes, and the feeling of being not in your body at all, of your body no longer existing or being irrelevant... That was one thing that made it so very different from Psilocybin... And the fact that it is over so quickly... With mushrooms, I was always so exhausted at the end, always wishing it were over about 1/2 way into it because I was drained... This was hands-down the MOST energizing experience of my life thus far. Everything, for the rest of the day, and even into today, seemed more full, more joyous, more perfect, more love. I wasn't at all "intoxicated" the rest of the day, just more present, more here, more grateful for the joy in my children and having old friends visiting, in the taste of a great meal eaten out.

Such Joy, fellow Travelers, such joy.

I love your avatar.

Cool experiences too, yes it is a bit like practicing death.

The weird thing about that avatar was that it came up when I did a google image search for "cosmic christ"... go figure.

One of my friends who accompanied me on this trip, sent me a link to an article about death...

http://m.io9.com/5916677...your-own-traumatic-death

One interesting point this article makes is that humans basically live IN THE PAST because our ability to perceive what is occurring; that is, the speed at which information travels from our sensory organs to the parts of the brain that process and compile that information, is actually quite slow, relative to the speed of light. Therefore, in a sense, we are constantly living in the past. I would expand on that to say that we are only able to derive meaning from what occurs much later, as we remember and reprocess that which had occurred. Such has been the case with my first DMT experience. It was over and done so quickly, and yet my understanding of it keeps growing and developing as I rehash it in my mind. I want nothing more, now than to return and go deeper, stay a bit longer, learn a bit more from the angel with the many eyes...

My wife's response when I try to share an insight with her boarders on "What the fuck ever, you're full of shit"... Of course, she doesn't say this, but I can see it in the roll of her eyes and the way she says "Oh, yeah, Ok..." If she were to die with me just once, she'd change her tune, I'm certain... However she is adamantly against it... Jonathan Goldman from Santo Diame said that it is not our place to proselytize the experience, to try and convince people that it is right FOR THEM, only to tell others how we have benefited, or what our experience was like, and leave it at that... I think this applies in the case of smoked DMT as well... But my desire for her to experience this is not only selfish... She has a nerve pain disorder which I firmly believe could be helped by this "reset button" on the nervous system, this dying and rising again... Over the last few years, however, she's become a pretty devout Catholic, a condition for which I must shoulder a good portion of the blame. Before I got hooked on The Church, she was firmly in the New Age camp. Now, I find myself returning to old ways, ways more in line with who I really am, ways more in line with who she really is, as well... But she's not ready to give up on the Church just yet.

How do I convince her to die with me without pressuring her?