Hello all!

So I am very new in the DMT realm. Though I am young (19 yrs) I am very experienced in psychedelics including LSD and Psilocybin mushrooms (~50 total trips with dosages ranging from 1 tab of LSD to 3g mushrooms to 12 tabs LSD). Recently, SWIM acquired about 2 gs of fresh, pure, homemade DMT. Very excited (yet knowledgeable about the substance) I took my first trip with my girlfriend. Though intense, I did not experience complete ego loss, so i assumed i did not "break through". The next day, I upped my dosage and I experienced a state that I can only explain as temporary nothingness. No entities, no thoughts, no sounds, no visuals. It was as if time and reality had completely stopped a couple of times every few seconds. This of course came in between extreme CEVs of the usual psychedelic swirling complex patterns and rambling thoughts. Since then, DMT has made me feel extremely lonely - not in sober life but concerning DMT. For example, it has made me feel like a drugged up loser of a kid that sits in his room and uses drugs. (as immature as that sounds (?) ) Again, not in everyday sober life but when I think about DMT i get that feeling. I have done it a few times after this, but I have not since experienced the "time & reality stopping" (maybe this is a near breakthrough experience???) but every time i do a somewhat low dose, i come out of the trip feeling just....wrong. Lonely, sad, and scared. I do not understand. Is this just something telling me that I have to man up and take that big bowl and 3 huge hits? Or not to do it at all? My hits are always fairly large - my lungs are somewhat iron from smoking marijuana daily for years.
Many times i hear people talking of friendly, informative, pushy entities that are all too excited to see me. What am I missing?! Why is this newfound psychedelic so scary and negative in my life?
I have strong anxiety in sober life, i'm sure this somewhat attributes to it. Trying to use DMT as an emotional healing antidote - maybe. I want to experience true hyperspace.
As of RIGHT now, when I think about it, I just get the feeling like something bad is going to happen. It really is a strange feeling.

p.s - all of my friends are too scared to even try it. it's very hard to find anyone to trip with (bummer!)

if it makes you Lonely, sad, and scared then dont do it.

no "face your fears you won't regret it" bullshit eh? sounds like a bad ending (and a waste of 70 bucks and hours of my time -_-)
therefore, i won't give up

Still curious as to my other inquiries. Is this time/reality halt "the void"? not sure what that is, maybe/maybe haven't experienced it.

I guess it is the anxiety. Have you tried ayahuasca? In my personal experience ayahuasca heals much better than extracted DMT. I somewhere read that a few ayahuasca sessions could "cure" the anxiety.

DMT experience changes over time significantly. First times I smoked it I always got very nauseous and very confused, now I get aware and scared. Set and setting means A LOT. Visuals changed for me too.

In my opinion, you shouldnt do DMT just because you *want* to experience entities, breakthroughs etc. DMT has a funny way of playing with you and just because other people see and communicate with "beings or entities" it doesnt mean you are going to get such a ride.

maybe the "drugged up loser feelings" are DMT's way of trying to tell you something? Try pondering and meditating that? In my experiences there's always a underlying lesson in every journey, wether the journey was pure bliss, pure hell or inbetween, you just have to figure it out yourself.

I think DMT is a tool, not a toy. Appreciation and respect towards it yield so much more for every journey

Also try not to obsess about entities and "true" hyperspace, you'll get there sooner or later. Time and patience my friend

You're rushing things, this is a relationship that takes TIME to develop, like any other.

My first few trips we're nothing but me thinking "DMT isn't my cup of tea" and when I first (and the only time) I broke-through I was asked by a female why I was here, and that this isn't all fun and games. Ever since then I have developed a new respect for the spice, and although the majority of my experiences aren't pleasant for me, I still like to partake for new insight and integration. Plus the mystery and experience itself is so fascinating, it's unreal.

Wow, thanks guys. I think I will take my sweet time when enjoying this amazing tool. When I finally DO explore hyperspace, I will be sure to report!!

I can only speak for my own experiences and say most of the things you described are normal for someone starting out.
I agree with sky that it takes time to develop a relationship with this substance.I have had a few trips where I felt
everything in the world was stupid and I felt stupid.On another I had a few "entities" that looked like some people
I know and respect and all they wanted to do was run me down and tell me that everything in my life was bad and wrong.
Even the things I am most proud of.Or it is a completely loving experience,and sometimes just weird.

I recently started to take the approach to try an be an observer no matter what weird things happen just observe.
But the more you use it the better you understand that pleasant, unpleasant and weird experiences are the nature
of this thing.

Sounds to me you could use a vacation from the everyday situations and thoughts that occur in your daily life. Try to gain new perspectives, which is by far not as easy as it should be. IMO you are very privileged to use psychedelics and other drugs, however your so young to be wasting your youth smoking dmt and using other substances. I also feel dmt has a mind of its own in a sense, in addition maybe it doesn't feel you are ready as of yet to carry what it has to offer.

I first heard of dmt when I was your age. It took me ten years to remember it and find a tek and get into it. Personally, I would not have been ready at your age. The world is not made of people like us. To realize that and learn to reintegrate is painful and difficult. It took me 6 months to be able to deal with the truth of earth after a god breakthrough which came from a mixture of dxm, oral thc, and shrooms. This may not be the case for you, not knowing how far you've really been. But the point is, truth bears a price, sometimes a very heavy burden that most cannot handle. To repeat others, don't expect anything and be grateful and respectful to the fact that what you possess is the key to everything. You cannot take the red pill and expect only beauty. Ignorance is bliss.

Take your time.

Anyhoo, just be patient, hopeful, and have faith. One way or another everything will all work out.

And a quote from Tool,

If there were no desire to heal
The damaged and broken met along,
This tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
And I still may ... [sigh] ... I still may.
Be patient.
I must keep reminding myself of this.
I must keep reminding myself of this.
I must keep reminding myself of this.
I must keep reminding myself of this.

And....don't fight it. Go with it. When the river rises, most will cling to the shore desperately, terrified. Let go and let the currents take you.

Maybe you should take good time off weed. And extract your own DMT. Don't buy it.

There's always a reason why DMT effects you in the way it does.
And how is your physical state? I know if I'm full of anxiety I need more DMT to break through and It's more likely the trip will be difficult. Therefore I take breaks from DMT and exercise and eat healthier if I feel anxiety or if I feel like shit in general. DMT is a powerful catalyst for me to change my life and myself to the better.

Smoalk more DMT.

try properly vaping 60mg's

Thank you for all the responses, again. I will say I did not buy my dmt, nor did I find it. I think that leaves it pretty obvious. First try success as well (sigh of relief). All of your responses make a lot of sense, and have really helped me alter my position on this strange and mystical psychedelic.
I believe I will smoke small amounts maybe once or twice a week and get comfortable with it. I will not smoke enough to breakthrough until I am completely ready - mentally and spiritually.
Then, I will smoalk moar.

i think this is too much to recommend for somebody new to DMT. 50mg is already an extremely powerful breakthrough.. even 40 is hectic for most people. 60mg is not neccesary

Maybe what it is saying to you is to stop taking everything and go sober for 6 months to a year and then comeback to it Think of it as a homework assignment from a teacher!!!

Stop usage of drugs in general if you feel this way when thinking of DMT. Put some time into cultivating yourself as an individual, physically and mentally. Examine your intentions, accept them or get rid of them and formulate new intentions perhaps. Once you feel comfortable in terms of self-actualization, and are self-confident in where you are as human being on your individual path in life, reconsider smoking DMT. You may be too self-critical, or you may not be self-critical enough and DMT may be bringing up these feelings of emptiness inside of you to reflect that.