I've been meaning to post this for awhile now. This is a story of two mushroom trips I had a few weeks back. Both were the same batch of shrooms, both made into tea with a lemon juice extract, with just a few differences in prep...here we go.

It was Saturday afternoon around 5 and I had "found" 7.2g of some long stem small cap beauties with blue all up and down them. I eye balled about half and chopped them up and ground to powder by hand, tossed em in an empty teabag and soaked in lemon juice with a bent fork pressing down on the bag. After that had sat for roughly 10 min I added some chamomile tea I had prepared, just enough to dilute the lemon juice. Then, wanting the full effect I cut open the tea bag placing the ground mushrooms in the tea and drank the whole thing down in less than a minute. I had some iDoser going on my headphones, water, fresh fruit, a 4 different pipes packed with various combinations of Cannabis and Caapi extract. Everything I could need or want on this journey. I laid back in bed and started to meditate while I waited for the effects to kick in, really didn't have to wait long ~10 min later my mantra quickly became impossible to focus on and the color of my thoughts shifted.

Now I've tripped mushrooms 7 or 8 times in the past (I'm young and new to this world) and always its put me in kind of a "dreamy" state of mind, this time went beyond that...far beyond that. It felt quite like my room had been replaced by another room, not so much from looks but from feel. This was about 20 min in and the OEVs were steadily increasing in force. Walls were melting and reforming, the doors my bed face created two infinite tunnels that came up to my bed and then seemingly right into my eyes. At this point I was unable to see much more than shifting patterns of color and images I couldn't begin to comprehend. That's when I felt it, slowly at first, but with increasing force a feeling of such love, joy, and one-ness with a force of spirit that was so much greater than my own. I embraced this alien love without reserve, lying in my bed unable to move, every thought and emotion I could possibly give to this force I gave wanting noting more than to remain in its embrace forever. How long I remained in this state I do not know, I never saw this force as anything more than a color-shifting glow that enveloped all that I could see. As I slowly came back to being aware of even having a body I also became aware that the sun had set at some point. Ever so slowly I pulled myself out of bed, wiping away the drool and tears that had formed puddles on me and lit some candles and re-lit some nag champa that had burned out long ago.

As I returned to bed all I was really aware of was a feeling of "newness" like I had been reborn though I don't remember dying, maybe I did when I poured all that was me into the "force" I felt...who knows? At any rate I was pretty much bursting with this newness and had to share, I dimly remember going into nexus chat and rambling on about being reborn before my ability to type and focus on doing so slipped away (Due in part to the 2 bowls of weed I had cleared). The rest of the night was pretty calm though I learned that while I was tripping there had been a car wreck a block away and the apt next to mine almost caught fire. (WTF?) On the whole I was left with a renewed sense of purpose and clarity in my life, a happiness I hadn't felt in a long damn time...how I wish I hadn't done what I did next.

Two days later:
I woke up burning with excitement, time once again to trip some mushrooms and feel that amazing feeling once again! Two days is a long enough break, right? WRONG, WRONG, WRONG. Some differences in time before consumption: 1) Taking them 30 min after eating (empty stomach the time before), 2) Time soaking in lemon juice 30 min of soak time as opposed to 10 min while I meditated preparing my mind. 3) Smoking a f-ton of caapi extract before hand (didn't smoke till after consumption before). 4) Mind set, I was rushed, excited, and worst of all...expecting the same trip. Using the same prep method as before I mad my shroom tea, but this time without the chamomile tea since I didn't think the lemon was as bad and just added hot water. Drank it all down within a min again and got into bed, it was around noon.

~20 min in and almost no visuals, slight "wave" going through the room and a steadily increasing pressure on my forehead. I began to panic, shit I took them too soon, Oh god my brain must be bleeding (that thought was not helped by the painfully bright red light I saw when I closed my eyes, and other thoughts of increasing darkness. At this point a sharp stabbing feeling was working its way through my gut. I thought I had eaten a few beer bottles. Trying to lighten the mood and put the feeling in my stomach out of my mind, I turned on some calming tunes and looked for help in nexus chat. You guys are really something, the advice I was given and the good vibes people were sending helped clear the darkness away, for a little bit I started to enjoy the trip which was still very much in my head with no visuals at this point. Then it changed, I don't know how it happened, I don't know how I could have stopped it, but I was blasted with thoughts of terror, pain, every dark and self hating thought a human can have was racing through my head. An unstoppable vortex of darkness with a feeling of loneliness that I don't think could be matched by being stranded on an island, at least the sun is shining there. I tried to make my phone work, to dive into the safety net of chat and seek advice, anything to ease this pain. I couldn't do it. I could not move, I just sat cross legged bawling like a baby, begging anyone or anything to stop this. BAM! Just as soon as it had come it left, leaving me a shattered and broken soul still laying in my bed wishing for death to escape this life that had seemed so bright just a few days ago and now I could not remember what happiness was. My sanity began to slip, I could sense it happening. I had a choice to make, lose myself in the insanity forever, or stop this now before it went any further. I put in a funny movie (Grandma's boy) smoked a bowl and focused every bit of my will I could on watching the movie till the thoughts went away and I slowly got a better grip on reality. Thankfully at some point during the movie (roughly 5 or 6 hours after drinking the tea) I fell asleep. I woke up some hours later feeling better but very much afraid of what had happened.

My head continued to had an odd pressure in it for a few days afterwards and the darkness left from the trip stayed with me until the advice of the Nexus and my own reflection on WHY I felt what I did cleared it up. Beck erased the rest of my doubts and fears yesterday and now I'm ready to try a breakthrough this Friday during our SHE. Thank you for reading and for all the love and support I received from the community as I worked through the darkness within!

Much love and peace,
Hichi

Sounds like an epic experience Hichi! Great read. This is why I chose to leave long(ish) gaps between journeys - too much can lead to dark experiences. Hopefully you have integrated enough to have a great time tonight...

This is a great example of why it's just a good idea to trip with a friend. If you start to have any bad thoughts simply telling your friend can allow them to get your mind onto something else. and of course it's also a good idea to out some time between trips. There is always that chance that for some reason you can start to have a bad trip. There are many different things that can cause one.

One question. You made the comment about your brain bleeding. What did you mean by that?

The time between taking them was, I think the main reason for the bad trip and for the most part I trip alone...though my next shroom trip might have a +1. As for the brain-bleeding comment, it was the feeling of pressure inside my head as though it was extra full of blood, as far as I know it was silliness.

this all very normal. The first time you took them at night after eating durring the day(I assume)..and the second time in the morning after eating some food with empty stomach-that will always make the experience much stronger in my experience. Also what you eat can make it feel very uncomfortable..if you eat grains for instance, at least in myu case it makes for a very uncomfortable trip. I only have fruit in the morning before both mushrooms and ayahuasca.

Smoking cannabis before the peak is over(and even sometimes after) is basically a sure sign that my trip will go all wrong..so I dont mix cannabis with mushrooms at all now. I dunno if you had cannabis mixed in with that caapi extract..but the caapi extract will boost it as well on it's own and change it a bit.

The feeling of pressure in your head(specifically pressure around or near the pineal area or base of the skull near the neck) is very common for me as well at high doses. It is nothing to worry about..probly just your nerves making your muscles tense and slight vasoconstriction.

The same dose of mushroom from the same batch taken on 2 different days can also produce different results..though I find if you take them under similar circumstances it will make it more predictable..like taking them in the morning both times with the same ammount and kind of food before hand etc..taking them at night and then in the AM just produces different results becasue your body chemistry and metabolism are doing different things..

When I was a teenager there was this old myth that psilocybe mushrooms made your spinal chord move up and stab the base of your brain, and then it would bleed all over your spinal chord and that was what made you trip

Yeah..dont worry about that.

Thank you Jamie, your post has given me a much clearer picture on what happened! For one, in the second trip I had just eaten organic pasta. I did just about every thing in the book to ensure a horrid trip haha. One important lession from the second trip that I learned was how unhappy I had become with the lack of people in my life and it has pushed me out of my shell, improving my life tenfold with the new people ive met.

I'm ready for my next lession

-Hichi