At first I was very nervous, obviously for the fact that I have never done/taken a psychedelic before. Always hearing about bad trips on acid or shrooms, so having that in mind wasn’t comforting. Though after watching a documentary about DMT, it wasn't as scary.
After working up the courage to finally do it, I smoke a few hits and close my eyes and don’t ever open them (except when taking hits). At first there was nothing, and then it felt like a large weight was placed on the back of my neck. Then I started to see a swirling spiral of black and an almost-black-blue. These geometric shapes of the same colors started to take form on the right. And as I was watching them, eyes formed within them and they were looking back at me. Then they disappeared and what looked like hands of the same blue/black started to appear everywhere and I was getting the impression of “don’t” or “stop”.
After that, I smoke a few more hits. It’s hard to explain what I saw/heard/felt, but I’m going to try. At first there was a loud humming noise, but then I started to hear whispers (which now that I think about it, it might have been me) and it/I was saying that “the world is falling, but it’s ok” and “you are the world” which made me laugh for some reason. All the while there are these colors and shapes that I can’t even describe, but then I get a feeling that I am in a much larger space than before. With my eyes closed I am looking around the inside of what looks like a giant balloon. And all around is this ribbon that is flowing in this insanely complicated fashion along the walls of this balloon space. On the ribbon are these letters that alternate back and forth from the words “laugh” and “love”. I try and think of something negative or bad here, and I can’t. Or more precisely, when I do I get the impression of a man grabbing the bad though and just throwing it away into nothing. I don’t what he looks like, but I get the feeling we’re attached somehow and we’re always sitting or standing back to back. Somehow this lead me to the subject of “guardian angels”, and I can’t remember exactly what I said, but I had this feeling that it wasn’t exactly right.
So after smoking some more, I have somewhat of an out of body experience. I see myself sitting on the couch I was on, then everything but me disappears and I see myself sitting on top of a light bulb. And I get this feeling like I am watching myself from the other side of a window. Which lead me to question what consciousness is, and I feel that I got the best answer ever. Consciousness is and is not of the body, it exists outside of us and within us simultaneously. It is an energy, or something similar to it, that our brains act as receivers for. It has always been and always will be there. The idea of the “collective unconscious” that Jung had seems to be the closest thing to represent what I saw/felt wherever I was.
So it looked like I was in space above the earth, except the earth was made of millions of these teeny- tiny geometric shapes. And above the earth and almost covering it, was this web or net of something. Calling it energy seems wrong, and calling it consciousness or unconsciousness seems wrong as well. It had a consciousness of its own, but was also comprised of all our consciousnesses. It gave off this benign sense of acceptance I want to say, but that isn’t quite it. It was something akin to love, but not love as we understand it I think is closer to the feeling or impression I got. And at that moment I understood that whatever It was, It was a part of everything. It knows everything, sees everything. But even though It knows everything, It is a part of us so It can feel and absorb our own unique experiences of life. And when our bodies die, we return and become a part of It again. Then the individual consciousness will either be reincarnated into a new body (man or beast or whatever) or remain within It, to observe as a part of It and with It. Me and my sister were smoking at the same time, and she had the feeling that she would be reincarnated. But I had the feeling that this is my last time in the physical world with a body.
And that’s mostly it. I don’t think I had a ‘full’ experience but only a ‘borderline’ experience. But next time, now that I’m not afraid of doing it anymore, I should be able to have the total experience.