This was my third time doing DMT, but the first time I totally messed it up and the second I was "told" (by some kind of screeching voice-thing) to "turn back" and "wait"...
So I waited, about a month, got to a different point in my life, and finished off my supply...
I layered it above and below a thin layer of parsley (people seemed to get the best hits from that-- as vaporizing in a lightbulb causes the DMT to “chase” around the flame, which is what happened before in a test-tube type vape). Took a hit: it seems a tiny part of the parsley was burned up (with some DMT) by accident... dammit. The smoke felt unbelievably cool and organic, as though rather than smoking something i was merely taking it into my body; a high-pitched whirrrrrrrr rose with my in-breath. The smoke literally connects inside my brain: its very presence in my lungs seems to begin an immediate process. This is not like pot, not at all.
I had to cough it out for some reason though I dont know why (and wished I hadn't)-- I actually liked the taste, like cool white fire. Immediately that now-familiar sense of profound distance, ‘wrong-end-of-the-telescope’; I feel myself lowered gently into my body (and even through it, as though my awareness is a stone sinking through my organs) as the world arcs away. Distances become melodic intervals: every movement I make in space is accompanied by pure tones of that same whirrrrrrrring sound. My limbs inexplicably twirl and spiral out away from me, everything fragmented and twisting clockwise. It feels as though I’m being twirled in a paint mixer, made fluid. I can still feel my fingertips, but they feel completely different, as though slicked in oil. It becomes increasingly difficult to move at all, and I can’t judge the tempo-- some motions are lightning-fast while others take ages. I can’t figure out where to place my bubbler: the table is suddenly six thousand miles long. I feel very ancient, as though this is how the first organisms on earth saw the world.
The ceiling is so far away now it feels like I’m in a cathedral, sinking into the ground: it begins to flutter and spiral as though it were made of tiny bits of paper. My skin feels as though it’s itching with sensations. The black behind my eyes begins to move and twist into new shapes: something geometric, seething. Enormous squares are rushing forward towards me, over and over and over-- they are luminous and keep flowing around me and through me. I feel as though they persist in the space around me, rather than being things I was merely “seeing”. It feels very “holy” in the Christian sense: very white, ecstatic, angelic.
Colors began to run and bleed, always with that same twirling motion: I was incredibly clear-headed yet in a totally different relation to my surroundings. Instead of say being stoned or tripping and still recognizing the world, it was as though I was an animal, confused and totally amazed by the things I was seeing. My room looked vastly different, unrecognizable even, as it pulsed in little sections in and out, in and out. I felt like I was in a Steve Reich piece: the room was phasing.
Despite the fact that this DMT was off-white (nearly yellow), the color it makes me think of is a pure, unbelievably cold blue-white. It’s an incredibly unusual tone.
A sense of fear--really? fear? so unlike me—- blows over me, fear at the uncertainty of it all, fear over what’s going on or why, as I discover I am truly unable to function at this point. But suddenly i feel a sense of peace and tranquility that seems totally unwarranted and just as abrupt: I feel like I’m in a balloon, rising forward and upward. I had to remind myself not to think about what was going on, but I felt a sense of shame that i had wasted the smoke in my lungs. I wish I had more... I WISH I HAD MORE... I was struck by the bizarreness of it all, the sense of total un-person-ness this made me feel. I did not feel alive in the normal sense: I felt stony, like coral. My head feels so strange: so open and welcoming and large but in a very airy way, not heavy at all. My head feels like a frisbee: twice its normal size... (though in this case more like 20x its normal size). The skittering, chittering voice ripples down from somewhere-- 'now do you want us to show you?'... I tell them YES!YES!YES! but the whole thing begins to fade...
And this is how it remains for the next five minutes: I’m suddenly back, fully conscious, with that sense of expansiveness still glowing around me. I can think and reason perfectly fine but feel as though doing so is giving up too early. No more visions, but I know i’m still “there”... with a pervading sense of peace that won’t go away. The whole thing lasted probably 5-10 minutes.
(last time I did this I had much more direct contact with "beings", so to speak-- the first time only as a jeweled moving lizard-skin-looking thing and the second time as a specific voice that INSTRUCTED me to wait and try it again later- but this time felt much stronger, more distorted, more bizarre by far.)