I guess I just feel like sharing this. My hope is that maybe someone who's been struggling like I have will see this. There's a lot of dark places that you can trap yourself in, I know, I have a bad habit of doing that.
I'm extremely sensitive to psychedelics (as well as being a generally very "out-there" and introverted individual) and my last mushroom trip did something very powerful to me. At first I couldn't tell if it was powerful in a good or bad way, and it seems it could go either way at times, but ultimately I think it's connected me to something very important that I just need some time to settle into.
I wrote this just now. I think it sums up pretty well what psychedelics have taught me. It came about as advice to myself, but this is the philosophy that arose naturally for me just in meditating and being here, now.
Quote:"When life makes you angry, disappointed, or afraid it’s like becoming afraid, disappointed, or angry at a party. It’s silly! The whole purpose of a party is for you to enjoy it; its value is in appreciating each moment as it arises. If you spend the party hiding in the corner worrying, or if you get upset because it’s not what you expected, you’re wasting your time! And of course time is short because, like any party, it’s going to end eventually. That shouldn’t scare you either. Does the thought of a party’s temporary nature make it any less enjoyable? No. So then why aren’t you having fun? Nobody likes a party-pooper."
Is existence really such a heavy, dreary matter? What benefit is gained by looking at it like that? If you make yourself such an important, weighty thing, you attach yourself to expectations and events. Everything then seems to happen TO YOU; *your* suffering, *your* disappointments, etc. If you lighten up and let go, things arise, they pass, and you remain still, watching them come and go. That is living! Then the true beauty of everything hits you and you wonder how everything ever got so mixed up to begin with. A smile creeps across my face just typing this.
It only took me all my life to figure this out.
And I still struggle, a lot; however, I'm now aware of this level of being that I would venture to call "sanity." Bless psychedelics for the deeper perspective they give us of our lives, without them I might never have seen through to the "transcendental ground of inner peace," or whatever nonsense words you want to call it.
I feel the deepest empathy for you all, really! Good night!
Quote:I have come to believe that in the world there is nothing to explain the world.
―Loren Eiseley