EDIT - 17 April 2011; 20:00 PST: Okay, let's try this again...


They call me a lot of things, but they mostly call me Maya. I try to be a humble and interesting person, but I am rather quiet and restrained. I keep a lot of myself... to myself--just a bad habit I picked up over the years. I'm British, but I live in the dreary state of Washington; and I do mean the state, not D.C. I am rather posh, but sometimes my way of going on about things baffles people. I could possibly be the best or worst thing to ever happen to you--there never really is an in between. I believe in a divine beauty in this world, you just have to know how to see it. This is something I am afraid not many people can do but sometimes it even eludes me. I like to think I have a way with words, and so I passionately write; one day you'll see my name on books. I've found hope & life in a beautiful person, & his name is DigiTehk. He is the reason I am here--on the Nexus--and is the reason why I can look out and see things that other, close-minded people would miss. I cannot thank him enough for opening my eyes to what is around me.

What else is there to say? I could go on, but I don't think I need to. I think I've said enough, and I think it isn't a bad post at all. Though my previous attempt felt... unwelcome (and perhaps this word is not the right word to use, but it is the only one I can think of), as people have given it a look but not spent the time to give me a hello. Perhaps I am just over sensitive but--... No wait, I am just over sensitive.

Anyway. Have a lovely day, for you & everything around you is beautiful. Peace & Love my friends. (:


EDIT - 17 April 2011; 21:05 PST: Upon suggestion of Shrabbit420, I have decided to add my experiences with psychedelics and the like.

I remember never really having a thought on drugs. I mean, everyone had told me it was bad and I shouldn't do things like that. But as I've learned, there is a lot of lies in this world. I stayed away from most things, for the most part; I cannot say if this is because I didn't want to do them or if it was the fact that I had no opportunity given to me. When I met my boyfriend (of two years now), I was introduced to cannabis--what had I been missing all my life? My life became increasingly better; though I cannot say that maryjane was the only thing that had made my life better. Having my boyfriend definitely helped that along too, especially since it was something we shared & did together.

In these two short years--which can at times, feel like a life time with all the knowledge I have gained--I have dipped into other things, too. Benzoylmethylecgonine, Psilocybe cubensis (I think--This is what we were told they were, but we are not sure. I didn't see much change in real life, but instead closed my eyes and went to what I call my "happy place", while somehow telling off my boyfriend--though I do not remember that), and a few incomplete attempts with Dimethyltryptamine. I haven't done an incredible amount, but I've done enough to suit me. The only thing I would never do again is Benzoylmethylecgonine.

I find that Dimethyltryptamine is such an intense, and intimidating thing. I know I should be intimidated, I know I shouldn't take it lightly. And it scares me a bit. I try to tell myself I am confident in doing it... but perhaps I am not. I am just waiting for the right time, and I feel like when it is right I will know; I feel like whatever divine entity is out there... will give me the confidence and right to go. But I haven't found that time yet. When I do, I will be very ecstatic to share what happened. I've have seen & aided many people who have gone, and it is so, so interesting to hear the many, many thoughts that just blurt out from them all.

I'm not really sure if I can say much more about it. But perhaps I will have more to say soon. x

I usually just click on all the links in the active discussion and give them a quick read, I'm sure many other people do this as well which is what results in the many thread views but little-to-no replies. I usually only try to respond when I have something that can contribute to the thread, but I will write a response so you don't feel so lonely over here.

Maybe a little more info/background on your experience or feelings towards psychedelics/entheogens/psychoactive substances would help.

And I know exactly what you mean when you say the 'dreary state of Washington'. My sister has lived up there for a few years, and I don't know how she does it. I need the weather/environment of california to keep me happy (I like the sun to shine even when it rains :wink.

Welcome to the nexus.

Peace, and Love.

Welcome Maya

what was it that turned your life around ?

Welcome to the nexus, Maya. It's the coolest spot in cyberspace.

First of all, thank you for your reply. It was very kind of you to step in and let me feel a little less lonely. (Though the thought almost sounds pathetic, haha). Secondly, thank you for your suggestion. I will give my introduction an edit with that information to try and give it a bit more for people to go with.



At first I thought you had said you didn't know what I meant by the 'dreary state of Washington', and I was asking myself, "How in the world could he disagree?! This place has a forecast of rain for more than half the year, I'm sure!" And there isn't really any particular reason I am telling you this, other than I like to explain my thought process. But, yes, I have no idea how I do it either. Bless your sister. Though I've sworn if I don't get some warm weather soon I am protesting and spending a few weeks in California to get that warm weather. I am so jealous that you're down in Cali right now. :b Share some of that warm weather!



Thanks for the welcome (From you & Uncle Knucles both), and I am not exactly sure what kind of answer you are looking for from that question. Are you asking me about my experiences with psychedelics and the like, or are you asking in just a general as to what turned my life around?

Yeah, definitely wait till a time when you feel is right.

But be sure to check out the responses others and myself gave on DigiTehk's introduction essay about fear and pre-flight anxiety. Its a very normal thing, and it's a powerful experience, so those fears are justified. But this experience is like an entire life compressed into minutes, you have to let go of fear to enjoy it, (because what would life be if you spent it fearing everything all the time), you have to accept the good and the bad and enjoy every minute of it that you get.

welcome Maya,
i am also from the dreary pacific north west known as Portland. it can drive you crazy if you let it and after 11 years here im calling it quits this September. moving on to bigger things.
i enjoy your writing style. its easy to read and flows ever so gracefully i can tell you enjoy writing. .

if you would care to let us get to know you better id like to know what attracts you to the nexus. you mentioned your boyfriend introduced you to this beautiful place but i am curious what drives you to stay.

welcome, dive right in. there is so much potential on this site i have a hard time finding the words to express my deep love and gratitude to this community.

Welcome to the everloving community known as the nexus, Maya! It's intriguing to see a British expatriate in the states. I hope you succeed in your literary path; maybe your usage of the spirit molecule will aid you in your field by expanding the horizons of your imagination. May I ask what triggered your migration to this "promised land?"

I will assure you that I have been closely watching DigiTehk's thread, as I wanted to see the responses to his post & when people did respond I kept looking for more. Lots of good stuff going on throughout that thread, I think. So I have seen your words about fear and the like. I am afraid, it is true... but I know that this is something I am going to have to do. How could I so ignorantly sit here and not do it, y'know? I am just steps away from opening my mind in a way I know I will later be so thankful for. So although I am afraid, I know I will have to force myself to let go of it. Though right this minute, I am feeling extremely confident. Though when the time comes up, I am not so sure I will be.



Awh. Portland, eh? I've been there once, I think, but only for a brief moment as I passed through up here to the Tacoma / Seattle area. Where are you planning to go? And can you please take me with you? Lol. I am really sick of the place, and have only spent a few years here. Though I do not intend to spend my life here--that would literally drive me insane.

Thank you so much for the compliment on my writing style; I do try to write nicely & accordingly. Though my british ways do get the best of me sometimes. It's not that my writing is ever bad, it's just not proper all the time, so to speak (and I say, "so to speak", cos to me it is fine). I do, indeed, enjoy my writing. I passionately write and cannot wait to release some sort of book. I am unsure though whether or not it will be a novel or perhaps a series of short stories... or maybe even a vignette. Either way, I'll publish something. I can only hope that it will be something worth marvelling over.



Yes, my boyfriend did introduce me to this place. He had been on and off it for awhile before, but he just recently joined. For the past few days we have been stalking threads and reading other people's thoughts and ideas. They were all so brilliant and calm, and the community was so... peaceful. We read so many threads, my goodness. We spent hours talking about them, and having revelations. It was beautiful. So, DigiTehk joined. And then I decided to follow. I tend to follow along with what he does, but it's not cos I am a little lost puppy dog... He is just going where I want to go. I wanted to be here. After reading those threads, and listening to these wonderful people speak their minds so freely and peacefully... It just warmed my cold heart. And I would like to be apart of this wonderful place. What drives me to stay is to open my mind, and let these erudite people bestow their wisdom on me. I can only hope that I could be an asset to the community in return. I hope that answers that question well enough. (:



I agree, as you might have seen me express previously; this place seems extremely rare and it is breath taking.



I think I could simply advise you to my reply on olympus mon's question, as I feel it fits the bill, so to speak. (: xx

A trick I have done to myself in the past was to seize these exact opportunities of confidence. If you feel extremely confident load up some spice into a smoking device and just hold it in your hand to see if you can smoke it... Each time I have done this, no matter how confident I feel, that feeling of anxiety and fear sweep over me. Even If I knew I wasn't going to hit it, those feelings would wash over me like a dam just broke up river. (I kinda feel it now, just thinking about doing that again)

I decided to leave the spice in my bong, just sitting there next to my bed for weeks and weeks, taunting me. It wasn't until the sixth or seventh time I held it in my hand that I actually let go of my fear and lit the bowl. The feelings followed me into the experience for a brief minute, and then I just said "f*ck it! this is happening now, and its too late for me to do anything about it" and what followed was the blissful experience I was after. (this was after more than a year of being scared away from spice, after the experience I talked about in the other thread)

This trick/exercise will help you learn how the pre-flight feelings affect you. And how hard they are to get away from, even if you know your not going to smoke it. As soon as you know these feelings, it is much easier to push past them when the time comes for you to dive in.

sorry, did not want to confuse you. you said that you started to see things that you have not seen before. what was it that help you to wake up and see? was it your boyfriend only or help of psychedelics ? or something else ? i hope i made my self clear this time english is not my first language so sometime it may be confusing

It is okay, your English is very good; don't you fret about that. I was just making sure I was understanding your question before I answered it. It was definitely my boyfriend who led me down the path towards opening my eyes--he has made a great deal of influence on my current state of mind. Without him, I would not have started with any of these psychedelics. Would I have never gotten into what I am now? Possibly. It is very quite possible, but that is not how it happened so I suppose we will never know. But before DigiTehk, I felt empty and there was surely something missing in my life--so much was missing. Though I still know there is a lot more soul searching to go for me, I am a better person because of him.