Hi folks,

Two or three threads in the fabric of life have brought me here. This is my introduction essay.
The first thread is spirituality. I could write a book (and probably should someday) about my spiritual journey, but for the sake of brevity: After having been raised a Christian and forsaking The Church during adolescence I became a seeker. At the age of 30 I had an epiphany after meeting an enlightened being. I had a "peek over the fence", as Ramesh Balsekar would put it. For an instant I shed the ego and became my true self: an infinite being. My ultimate quest is to "wake up" and permanently shed the ego. I want to die before the body dies. Apparently, however, I am not yet ready for such a leap and my journey continues.

The second thread of convergence regards drugs. [I guess I have to choose my words carefully here] I came of age in the 1970s, and everyone around me was doing just about every conceivable drug, but I remained totally straight. I tried cannabis in high school and had a horrific panic/ anxiety attack. That one experience at the age of 16 frightened me so much I stayed totally clean until the age of 40. By 40 I was doing drugs (legally and pharmaceutically) and realized I was dependent. During three hospital stays I was IV'ed Demerol, Morphine, and Dilaudid. I have an incredible tolerance now. I take opiates by prescription daily. Also, after my epiphany at 30, I struggled with panic attacks for an entire decade. My "self" would start to fade (ego death) and it fought back with a vengeance! Eventually I got tired of the struggle and being anxiety ridden almost constantly, so I turned to benzodiazapines by prescription. At 40 I figured since I was already on opiates and benzos I might as well experiment with other stuff, so I did. The only thing (besides stimulants) I haven't tried are hallucinogenics.
Just recently DMT found me. I didn't look for it. It just almost literally fell into my lap. I have not yet tried it. I am waiting for the right set and setting. If my calculations are correct, I have enough for at least 80 trips.

The third thread which now converges regards aliens. I read all of Whitley Streiber's books, and was aware of the abduction phenomenon throughout the 1980s. I may or may not have been an abductee; I don't know. I DO KNOW that I have communicated with alien intelligence while meditating. There are so many physical species of beings out there it's just mind boggling! We are currently being protected and observed. We, as a species, are a product of panspermia. We have such a long history of interaction with other beings for millennia, and most of it has been erased from our current version of "history". I am eager to experience the non-physical realms and multi-dimensional space I have seen at times while meditating. Time is just another dimension through which we are constantly traveling. And there are even more dimensions... in the "4th" dimension it is possible to see INSIDE OF our ordinary three dimensional shapes. It is very difficult to "hold" onto this with the human brain, but I have been there while meditating. I actually have a headache right now while I'm trying to remember and visualize these things again.

I suppose that's enough of an introduction. I probably sound pretty strange. I don't usually tell other people this part of myself and my experience.
Greetings, I come in peace. (and Love!)

Hi again,

A few more pertinent thoughts about my introduction have come to mind. I don't mean to seem like a know-it-all, and I hope my former post didn't come across that way. I have some strong beliefs about certain things, but they're just that: my beliefs. Others may or may not agree, and that's to be expected. Beliefs, like a**holes, belong to each of us and we may or may not like their particular scent.

In general I'm not a happy person. I cannot recall laughing with sincere abandon since I was a child. In social situations, I'm very good at pretending to laugh just so I don't appear weird, but it doesn't come from the heart.

I have no experience with DMT, but I do have a strong spiritual background. One the the things I hope to accomplish is a healing of my forgotten playful side. I've often been told that life shouldn't be taken so seriously, and I sincerely want to remember that with all my soul.

Earlier today I was at the clinic, an often stressful environment with sometimes rude and inpatient clients. After several hours of waiting I was assisted by the most cheerful and friendly clerk on staff. She surprised me by remembering my name. I told her how much I appreciated her happy attitude and how her smile was infectious. I truly wish I could be that happy even just a little bit of the time. She thanked me for always being so polite. I told her I always try to treat others in the manner I myself would hope to be handled. She told me she was happy because it was easier to be happy than to be dour. "Life is short so why not be happy," she said. We exchanged an unspoken moment of understanding amid the chaotic environment and I went my separate way. Driving home, for no known reason, tears began to stream down my face amid sobs while I tried to concentrate upon driving. I'm not certain if it was a happy cry or a sad one. I like that clerk. She truly touched my heart.


GammaTauri

Hi,
I think you have an interesting background. I'm sure you'll be fine.
Psychedelics are certainly different though. But you'll discover that soon enough.
Have you decided yet, wether to take it or not? Is there anything we can assist you with?

best wishes!

Welcome to the Nexus! Please be sure to read the Health and Safety section, as well as the FAQ. Benzos often mute the psychedelic experience, so it may be wise to work on some non-drug anxiolytic strategies.

Be well.

Hi all,

Thank you both, obliguhl and ragabr for the welcome.



I'm definitely going to use, or at least try, the DMT I acquired. I have 4 grams in freebase. I thought, from what I've been reading here in the FAQ, that I would try about 50mg vaporized. I already sent away and received a GVG. I'm going to invest in a good piezo pipe torch also. Then, if the vape goes well I would probably graduate up to ingesting some, but I need to get an MAOI, and I haven't gotten that far in my research. If you have any suggestions about how I could use assistance, I am very open and listening.



It's a shame to discover that. I can cut my dose down to only 1/2 mg xanax per day, but I doubt I would be willing to completely go through withdrawal and detox. When I was younger I never liked cannabis because it gave me panic attacks. Since I began using benzos, I can enjoy cannabis once in a while. Here in Colorado its practically legal. I went to a doctor and just said that MJ works better for headaches than aspirin, and they signed the medical cannabis form. I paid a small administration fee and was sent my medical marijuana card. Downtown here there's a dispensary on almost every other corner. The city politicians love medical MJ because it's bringing in tons of tax revenue.

Without benzos I don't think I could tolerate even cannabis. Actually, it doesn't do much for me, but it's occasionally a fun way to get a little intoxicated, since I do not drink alcohol.

Anyways, thanks for the welcome guys! And I'm all ears (or eyes as it were) if anyone wants to make suggestions for me. I've been learning a lot from the FAQ and the Health and Safety sections.

Peace & Love,
GammaTauri